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They’re the same eyes I adored since we were kids. But that was then.
I shake it off as best I can. It’s a stupid notion. We tried to make it work before and it didn’t.
We may be older now, but that doesn’t change things.
And I’ve found Kirk, and I really like the guy. Before he was being such a jerk today I thought he could be the one.
I can’t let this little mishap let me skate down memory lane. I’ve done enough of that today already. Okay, I brought up old times and stealing his dad’s liquor, which led to our barn nostalgia, but I did that without really thinking. They’re things I shouldn’t even be contemplating when I'm involved with someone else.
The rational part of me knows that Brook would never do anything like this on purpose. Why would he? We both agreed long ago and we were okay with it.
It was positively an oversight, I believe that. I shouldn’t have trusted him with the paperwork, but this sure does change things.
We’ve been married for the past three years… that’s something I seriously need to think about. To some, it’s just a piece of paper, but I never saw it that way…
“Don’t be mad,” he says. “Tomorrow you can be, but not on Blake’s day.”
I nod, biting my lip. “You’re right,” I whisper. “But I do need to go.”
“E, let’s not leave it like this.”
I reach up on my toes, pressing my lips to the side of his cheek to give him a quick peck. Even though I’m mad, for the sake of ruining a near-perfect day, I still don’t want him to feel bad. I never want to fight with him, even if he is a giant douchebag right now. He may be my ex-husband — or should I say, husband — but he’s a sweetheart, he always has been. And I’ve always admired him for the way he’s conducted himself and the relationship we’ve maintained over the years.
This is just a lot. Maybe when I get over the shock I’ll see a different side to it.
“We’ll talk about this later,” I say, jangling my keys. “You’re okay to pick up Blake when she’s done at your folks?”
“Yeah,” he says.
”Okay, I’m going to go pick up Noodle, hopefully she and Daisy didn’t cause too much havoc together.”
And it breaks my heart to see him standing there, his usual cheeky smile all but gone. His face somber. I’ve never seen him look so serious, except for when he met Kirk earlier. He’s clearly worried about my reaction to all of this.
“Goodnight, Brook.”
“Goodnight,” he says as I edge out of the barn to my car. I still see him standing there in my peripheral and a part of me wants to turn around and go right back to him. Tell him it’s okay and we’ll figure it out. But I don’t. I have a right to be mad, and I need to think about what this means.
On paper he’s still my husband; it doesn’t change the fact we’ve been separated all these years. But it kind of feels strange knowing we’re still legally bound.
My heart is still racing from his confession. I know my face is flushed and my brain is going a million miles an hour.
I jump into my SUV and hold my face in my hands before I start up the engine. I know he can’t see me as my car is facing away from the barn. I try to hold back the tears, but fail. I don’t even know why I’m crying. It is what it is. We can get divorced properly this time, anyway. I can even file the paperwork myself…
The question is, do I want to? And that thought alone shocks me more than anything else.
“Do you have to go down to Georgia, Mom?” Blake is a little whiny about my sudden idea to head down to see Kirk for a few days since we had to cut things short at her party. I need to get out of town and I should tell him the news about my non-divorce in person. Not that it really changes things between me and him, but he deserves to know. We’ve been discussing a vacation to Mexico in the not too distant future; that’s how the divorce paper thing even came up, because I need a copy of them to apply for my new passport, since Bassett is still my legal name. I also need to decide if I’m going back to my maiden name or not.
“It’s only for two days, baby. Dad’s going to look after you and Noodle, and you’ll get to try out your new saddle.”
“Can we all have dinner when you get back? Dad and I have been growing so much in the garden, and I want you to see.”
“That sounds amazing, sweetheart.” I’ve no idea how I’m going to face my husband again after our last conversation, but I have to at some point.
He texted me later that night to check I was okay, but I didn’t see it until morning. I was so tired from the full day we’d had for the party, I took a bath after collecting Noodle and completely crashed.
Brookie
Hey, E. Just checking on you. I know today was a shock, just don’t hate me, ok?
