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But the thing I learned last night that completely shifted how I think of her? She’s selfless.
Completely and utterly selfless.
To be honest, I’m a bit concerned that maybe she doesn’t think about herself at all. But that’s coming from me. I couldn’t tell you the last time I thought about someone other than myself—until last night.
What I learned last night is that Logan is a freak of an athlete and had a full-ride to play basketball at a top-tier D1 school. As an athlete myself, I know the kind of year-round dedication that it takes. I’ve felt the complete and utter joy when all your hard work pays off, and you sign the letter of intent to attend your dream school.
So, I can only imagine the amount of selflessness it took for Logan to give all that up.
You might be wondering, why the hell aren’t you writing about her passion for basketball? You’d assume that has to be her passion in life if she dedicated that much time to the sport. Well, I’m not writing about that because she’s not passionate about basketball anymore.
Her passion in life? People. Caring for people. Loving people. Understanding people. I don’t think she even knows that she’s passionate about it, but it’s fairly obvious to me.
At twenty-one years old, Logan donated her kidney in an attempt to save her dying mother. She gave up everything she had for someone she loved. She gave up her scholarship, she gave up part of her body, and she gave up her innocence by becoming her mother’s caregiver.
She sacrificed everything she worked for to try and save her mom. And when she knew she could no longer help her, she made the call to let her go. Logan might not think that was a selfless act, but it was the most selfless thing she could’ve done. She gave her mother peace, and in return, she now has to carry the burden of that decision forever.
But even with that heaviness looming on her shoulders, she doesn’t complain about the hand she’s been dealt. She goes through life continuing to care for people.
The other thing I learned about Logan last night? She’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. Not just physically, but also in spirit. Although I’ve seen her wail on a punching bag, and she’s a total badass, so physically, she’s strong as hell, too.
She had the strength to make incredibly tough, life-altering decisions for her family. She had the strength to continue on with life even when she felt like she’d lost everything. She had the strength to pick up and move across the county by herself. Not a single person was left in Logan’s corner, yet she’s still kind and sweet and resilient.
She hasn’t let the world harden her, and it takes strength to stay soft like that.
She had no one until she met my brother, and her evident independence is unmistakable. She’s the most capable person I know, and I’m positive she’ll succeed at anything life throws her way. She doesn’t need anyone other than herself, but I hope she chooses to let a few people in. No one should go through life on their own, even if they’re strong enough to do so.
Logan is a bit of a puzzle I’m still trying to piece together. She seems hesitant to let too many people close, but the ones I’ve seen break down her walls, myself included, she gives everything to. I guess I shouldn’t be all that confused. She’s lost everyone she was close to, but still, the ones she lets in are the lucky ones. We’re lucky to have her looking out for us.
She might not realize that she’s passionate about caring for others. In fact, she’s probably sick of it. But that doesn’t matter because it’s who she is. It’s ingrained in her. I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks, but she’s taken care of me more than she realizes.
Anytime I’m vulnerable with her, she takes care of me and makes me feel protected with her. Even the times I’ve messed up and made a complete ass of myself with her, she has the strength and compassion to see the good in me and try to pull it out. She’s passionate about loving people, even those of us who don’t necessarily deserve it.
She’s kind and understanding. She makes you feel like you’re being listened to, really listened to. Not just holding a conversation, but like she understands the meaning behind every word you say. She doesn’t listen to give you a response. She listens to hear you—to understand you.
She’s in graduate school to get her master’s degree in Business Administration, but I have no idea why. She should probably be a teacher or a therapist or something. She’s been both of those things to me already, and I’ve only known her for two weeks. Her patience and understanding with me is beyond impressive.
She’s peace and calm and everything good in this world wrapped up into one pretty package. She’s what I strive to be, and I didn’t even realize I wanted to be that way until I met her.
I think she might be an angel sent from heaven, and I hope to god the reason she’s here on earth is for me.
I continue to read Eli’s entire paper, sometimes laughing at his lack of formality, thoroughly impressed by his restraint in not using the f-word, and a little bit embarrassed that Kenny may have actually read this. I mean, this was only the second week of classes, and he had to watch us obsess over each other for the rest of the semester.
We should probably invite him to the wedding.
But more than anything, Eli’s words make me feel seen. They make me feel known. They make me feel like the most capable and qualified person to take responsibility for another human being.
Marc was right. Eli’s words are exactly what I need.
I think I can do this.
Logan Leo is probably the most selfless person I’ve ever met, which scares the shit out of me. Because I’m the most selfish person I know, and I’m afraid I’ll take advantage of her giving heart. But the few times I’ve been around her, I realize I don’t really think about myself at all. I think about her. And I like that feeling. I like taking the focus off me and putting it on someone who deserves it.
I hope it continues to rub off on me because I’m looking forward to staying selfless as long as I know her.
And I hope that some of my selfishness translates into her life. If anyone should be thinking about themselves and themselves only, it’s her. She deserves to take anything she wants from life without apology. She deserves the world, and I’m going to make sure she gets it.
Logan might think she has no particular passion in life, but I’m pretty passionate about her.
