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I say, "Wherever you like, Pixie."
She nods, twisting her fingers nervously, before slowly walking over to me. I bite my bottom lip, wondering what she's doing. Suddenly, I’m kneeling, my hands going to my violated balls.
"Fuuuuuck…." I gasp, my eyes watering.
"That is for makingheryour old lady, then announcing it to everyone in front of me, blindsiding me!"
I cough but nod at her words.
"Fuck, I think you kicked my balls into my throat." I groan.
She snorts, her figure moving away from me as she says, "We both know that's medically impossible."
I blink back the tears and rasp, "I don't know about that, Ken. Right now, it feels possible."
She snorts again as I slowly stand, wincing at the pain.
When I look up into her beautiful eyes, I notice they are full of tears again, and she whispers, "I didn't want to go no contact these past few months."
I place my hands on my hip, breathing hard, trying to ignore the pain in my balls, and ask, "Why did you, then?"
Her tears fall. "I-I needed to try and get my head sorted. You-you hurt me a lot, and instead of questioning you, I ran away. I knew your character, I knew your heart, but my hurt clouded over, and whenthe veil was shifted, I felt like I couldn't breathe knowing the pain you went through. But I was also angry, so angry because you never gave me a chance. You had made your mind up to make me believe you were with her. You gave her your cut when all you had to do was tell me the truth. I would have been able to explain where my mother keeps things hidden, where she always keeps them hidden—behind the toilet—and all this could have been avoided." She shakes her head as her tears fall. My heart hurts seeing them. "…and then I-I felt guilty."
My eyes soften at her words before I tilt my head in confusion and ask, "Why would you feel guilty?"
She sobs, her hand going to her mouth as she rasps, "I had our daughter."
My whole world tilts.
Daughter….
I have a daughter….
I look at her, and absolute agony oozes off her. She said she had not have….
No.
"I-I was twenty weeks when they couldn't find a heartbeat."
I squeeze my eyes shut. Please, no….
"I gave birth to her a few days later, then I had her cremated." My breaths come out short, dizziness taking over as she continues, tearing me apart, "and then I tried to kill myself, swallowing several pills. Alex had found me just in time."
I fall to the floor, my head in my hands, and I shout out in agony.
She had my daughter….
She cremated her….
She tried to kill herself….
I feel her arms wrap around me tightly as she whispers how sorry she is, her tears coating my neck as my body shakes with my sobs.
My daughter….
An hour later, we haven't said anything to each other. We're sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch, her body curled into mine, my arm wrapped around her as I stare off at the wall.
I don't know how to feel right now. I love her, I love her so fucking much, but she kept this from me.
