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The silence was loud.
Miranda grabbed Rebel and cradled her. Tierney hadn’t even asked to talk to her daughter this time. She was purposely putting distance between them because they both knew she wouldn’t be home any time soon.
Kissing Rebel’s sweet cheek, Miranda put her down to continue playing. Miranda paced her living room. With her phone in her hand, she hovered it over the call button several times before throwing it back onto the couch. Toys were scattered here and there, a pair of Rebel’s shoes beside her own on the rack, an unopened package of diapers, and three packages of baby wipes sat on her kitchen counter. This was her life now. She was Rebel’s stability. She was a parent again, filling in the gaps for someone who wasn’t there, who wasn’t present.
Tears threatened to fall, but she wouldn’t let them. Not again. She’d done that enough.
“This is stupid.” She picked up her phone and called before she could talk herself out of it.
After the third ring, she answered.
“Hey.” Tori’s voice came through the phone line like a ray of sunshine, and that craving was back.
Miranda shouldn’t have called. They had put that distance between them, and Miranda was comfortable with it. At least she had been until Tori had given the stuffy back, until Tori had touched her wrist, until Miranda had wanted to kiss her. But if Siena was an example of Tori’s taste, Miranda didn’t stand a chance. She was too cold. Too aloof. And she was so bad at opening up.
“Hey.” Miranda’s lips spread in a smile. A real genuine smile, and it was wonderful and strange. She just had to remember why she called. “I got hold of Tierney. Finally.”
“Oh? Is everyone okay?”
“I think so, but that’s only for right now.” Miranda bit her lip. Why had she called again? Oh right. “I asked Tierney to come live with me for a bit, whenever she gets back. It doesn’t sound like it’ll be soon.”
“You did?” Tori sounded surprised.
“I thought it’d be the best way to give Rebel some consistency. She’s clearly craving it.”
“All kids crave structure. Adults too, to be fair.” Miranda could hear the smile in Tori’s voice. Did the woman ever not smile?
“Right. I mean it’s not definite yet, but we spoke. I’m not sure how it will all work yet, but I know I can work it out.” Was she rambling? Miranda couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone into a conversation like this so unprepared. She always kept everything close to her chest, but Tori had a way of snagging it before she had it all figured out.
“Maybe you can both work it out.” Tori’s voice was soft and held no judgment, but Miranda noticed the unsubtle hint in the words.
“Yes, we can both sort it out.”
“I’m so happy for you. Are you putting Rebel to bed soon? I don’t want to take away from that structure.” Tori was nearly giggling.
Miranda looked over at the clock that hung on the wall between the living room and the kitchen. “Yeah, I suppose I will. She’s been sleeping in her own bed, in my room still, but her own bed.”
“That’s amazing! Co-sleeping is not for the fainthearted.”
“No, it’s not. It’s been easier to get her to sleep since she has her favorite stuffy back.” Miranda’s cheeks heated. Oh my god, am I blushing? Was she trying to flirt by talking about kids? Was this what dating with kids was like?
“I’m so happy to hear that! Enjoy some downtime without Rebel hanging all over you. It’s invaluable.”
“So I hear.” Miranda smiled. “Thank you. I didn’t really know who else I could call.”
“I’m glad you called me.”
There was an awkward pause between them. Miranda knew she should hang up, end the call, let Tori go about her night with Harley, and that she should get Rebel to bed, but she just couldn’t make herself do it.
“Miranda?” Tori sounded hesitant.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want some company?”
Her heart skipped. Her throat clogged up. Miranda stared at Rebel, yawning as she played on the couch. For the first time in weeks she felt light, as if she wasn’t carrying the weight of the world alone. Why was it so hard to breathe?
“Yes.”
