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“It is alright.” Her teeth weren’t chattering as much, so I tucked the cloak tighter around the both of us and moved closer. Even I was starting to grow warmer.
“Yes, because bleeding feet and freezing underneath the Prince’s carriage is normal for this kind of thing.” I tried to laugh, but was cut short by a look from Aeinya that clearly said that this kind of thing was normal.
“I knew what was awaiting me in this marriage.” She spoke as though she was sure, but even in the dark her eyes weren’t quite as bright as they had been before, her lips pulled into a taut line. “It will be worth it.”
I didn’t see how this could be worth anything. Well, almost anything. I suppose marrying a prince made that worth it, that and everything that went alongside that.
“Because you will be Queen?”
“Because Batian is kind and caring and he will be a good leader,” she sighed with enough love and adoration to make my own soul ache. All the chattering was gone now.
I nodded my head in silent agreement, snuggling into the warm air that was now between us. A fortnight ago I would have agreed with her. I would have been singing his praises. But now?
Just thinking about the hatred he had looked at me with sent waves of sparkling magic rumbling under my skin.
“Did you know he had my room covered in roses for my arrival, and again the night before we began the pilgrimage. He joined me for breakfast every morning and walked with me in the evenings. He’s always been attentive, but now his caring is paramount. Our life together is finally beginning.” She sighed again. It was hard for me not to fall into that love. Hearing her speak, that was the Batian I knew. That was the Batian I grew up with.
“He’s not falling and tripping again, is he?” I couldn’t help the chuckle, Batian had been so clumsy when they first met, mostly because he was trying to show off and ended up falling over himself instead.
“No, thankfully,” she giggled again, all chattering gone now. “Do you remember my first visit, when I was about eight. How old were you then?”
“Six,” I answered without hesitation. I would never forget that visit. It was back when I still had a Catalyst. Aeinya and I had been fast friends, running through the gardens and chasing our Catalysts as we all laughed and stole berries and went back to the Runturin with our hands covered in purple smudges. Batian had seen eleven years or so, and was already starting to master his magic. It was about then he started wearing gold, too.
“We were so tiny! Batian had found smaller mares for us to ride and he took us into the village…”
“To that toy shop!” I nearly squealed with delight. I had almost forgotten that particular trip.
“Yes, and he bought me that bear, and you that doll.” She snuggled in closer, whispering conspiratorially low now. I nodded, the momentary joy replaced by a slice of pain and a different memory.
I still had that doll, her face was cracked from when mother had moved me to my current rooms, the guards having thrown so many of my things into boxes or refuse piles. The Boy had found the doll before they burned her, although the hem of her dress was still scorched. I had her hidden in my bedside table, wrapped in my monthly rags in the hopes she would never be found.
“Well, he went back and bought a second, identical bear that same day. Last night he gave it to me as a gift for our future child.” She was near beaming with joy.
That was the Batian I loved and trusted beyond anything. That Batian was my brother. The person I had seen the last few days, well, I didn’t know who that was.
Cold fingers of confusion raked over my memories, all of the goodness that Batian was and the kindness that he had shown me, and Aeinya blending confusingly.
“I can’t believe he did that.”
“It reminds me of that time a few years ago when he brought us those biscuits from that tea shop in Turin and made us a tea service in the middle of the gardens.” She was giggling again.
“He pretended to be our butler. Lit the candles with his magic and put a napkin over his arm.” It was yet another memory of Batian that didn’t fit. I could only nod at her, hoping my confusion wasn’t clear.
“I am so lucky to have him, Elara. And to have you, and once he is Ramal everything will change.” She sighed with such love, such longing, that I knew she was still envisioning that world we had basked in so many times.
Now, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.
Not anymore.
I had spent so long waiting for everything to change, for Batian to take the name of Ramal and all of the promises he had made to me to come true. For me to be free, and have my rooms back. To be part of the family and not be hidden away in shame. But now there were other promises, scary promises that ripped at my soul, and I wasn’t so sure exactly how things would change.
They definitely wouldn’t change in all the ways I had imagined.
Aeinya spoke the words with so much hope, but now all they did was fill me with dread.
She snuggled into me, the warmth radiating and comforting, even if laying on the ground was painful and bumpy.
“Do you want to sleep in my wagon? It's not much warmer, but there are padded chairs.” Or even the carpeted floor would be more comfortable than this.
