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“So am I.”
The door shuts with a foreboding feeling of finality, and I wipe away tears as I make my way to my rooms. I wouldn’t have thought this would make me cry, but I also didn’t think Jamys would ever hurt or deceive me. Relief should be my only feeling, however nothing is as clear as that. I’m not ready to speak to Mother about it again just yet. I need a moment to calm down.
Jamys’ actions are understandable, and not any worse than what I was going to do. I had planned to marry him and live a long, happy life without ever telling him about my history with Tomas. It’s just shocking, I suppose. He was the good one, and I thought our destruction was going to be solely my doing. As it turns out, neither of us are as perfect as people think.
In my rooms, I do not find the solitude I need. “Ry, it’s not a good time.”
“The next trial is in two days. When do you think you’ll have time to train?”
I trudge over to a cupboard and grab a glass and a bottle of wine. It’s all I can do to keep my voice slow and steady. “I do not care about the trials.” Slow and steady may have taken on an undercurrent of rage.
“Are you no longer supporting me in this then?”
“You’re no longer outnumbered, so it shouldn’t matter.”
“But it’s Nina.”
I swallow too much wine at once, the warmth stinging down my chest. “If you don’t think you can take on your youngest sister by yourself, I really don’t know what the point of any of this is.” For as much as I’ve told people they can’t say I’m letting him win, he’s really making it sound much more like he couldn’t possibly win without my assistance. The theory of whoever can win should rule is crumbling.
He stands with a huff. “When this started, you acted as if you supported my claim to the throne, but you’ve undermined me at every turn. Now, Nina has Marcus and Tomas helping her, and you’d abandon me to forge on by myself.”
“Not everything is about you!” I rake my fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots. “Gods, Rylan, might you consider I have other things going on!”
“What can be more important than the future of the Alchosian throne?”
“The throne I have never had any interest in sitting upon? Anything can be more important to me! Yes, I care about it, but it isn’t my concern.”
“You aren’t going to try to win it then?”
My hands clench into fists. “No. If I’m forced to show up, I’ll sit quietly off to the side while you and Nina go at it.” He looks skeptical, so I add, “I’ll even see if I can get Tomas to withdraw his assistance to her.” Seeing Tomas is the only idea that soothes my buzzing nerves. Though I’m not thrilled with how it came about, my betrothal is ending, and I can’t wait to tell him.
“He refuses to discuss it with me,” Rylan says. “You won’t get anywhere with him.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “I’m more persuasive than you are.”
Tomas and Nina aren’t here, though. I learn she's gone to Highbluff along with Marcus. Emotionally wrung out as I am, I have a horse prepared and set off. There’s a comfortable rhythm to riding which helps put everything into perspective. My fallout with Jamys is sad, but it was inevitable. Everything is going the direction I want now.
As I approach the castle, I wonder what it will be like to arrive as the Lady of Highbluff—having that salty breeze to comfort a baby of our own, sailing, chasing children through vineyards. Seeing it through the eyes of a resident makes me feel lighter. I’m comfortable enough after a lifetime here with Tomas and Jo that it doesn’t take much imagination to see myself calling it home.
But when I make my way to the courtyard and the only person to greet me is Marcus, my mood dampens. “Where are Tomas and Nina?”
“They don’t want to be disturbed.”
My face scrunches uncomfortably. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t want to—trust me.” He drapes an arm around my shoulders and turns me back the way I came. “Nina is in a frenzy. I’m much more pleasant company.”
I slip out of his arm. “I need to speak to Tomas.”
“He’s not available.”
“I’ll wait then.”
Marcus frowns. “Ara, he doesn’t want to see you.”
Rejection rakes through me with sharpened claws, but it’s only because he thinks I’m marrying Jamys. I swallow back the wretched feeling that came with those words. “He will once I speak to him.”
I start to walk toward the castle, but Marcus steps in front of me. “I mean it. I’m sorry. Under no circumstance am I supposed to let you go to him.”
