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“You’d think,” he says bitterly. “I’d feel better if there was anything I could do besides wait for him to come out of wherever he’s hiding.”
“You are doing all you can. You’ve been busy. It’s not like you’re sitting around doing nothing.”
Nik clenches his jaw. “I might as well be at this point. The man killed my best friend and tried to take you. No words can describe or emphasize how much I wish I could get my hands on him right now to put this whole nightmare behind me.”
I rise on my toes, kissing his lips. “You will, Nik. You will. But you must take care of yourself in the meantime. You have to find a way to keep your stress levels down. You don’t want to give yourself a heart attack.”
Nik scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Your concern’s appreciated. Truly. But I’m fine.”
“You shouldn’t dismiss me so carelessly. Constantly being on the edge of a major temper tantrum can’t be good for you. And you’re no spring chicken, miliy.”
Nik scowls, outraged. “Temper tantrum? For your information, I’ve never thrown a tantrum in my entire life. Never, you hear me? And I’m only in my thirties—not my eighties!”
I smile, keeping my expression a perfect picture of placidity. “Whatever you say, Nik. But my point stands. You want to be at your best when McGuire pops up. That means taking it easy right now. I know you’re trying to do right by me and Maxim—and I love that about you. But I want to see you well, and I’m sure Maxim would want the same.”
I expect Nik to admit I have a point, but what he does instead surprises me. His face falls, and a frown forms between his eyebrows. With a small kiss to the top of my head, Nik untangles himself from me, walking towards the floor-to-ceiling windows behind his desk. For the first time since I can remember, the thick velvet drapes have been pulled back to let some sunshine into the usually dark room. Nik stares blankly ahead, unseeing, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his jeans.
Confused, I study him, perplexed about his reaction to my seemingly harmless words.
Before I figure out what to say, Nik breaks the silence between us. “I wish I could say I share your beliefs.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, puzzled.
“You said you believe Maxim would want to see me well. I’m not so sure of that.”
I approach him, my steps silent on the plush rug. “Nik—” I say, tentatively touching his shoulder. “You don’t mean that. How can you say something like that?”
He sighs wearily. “I knew Maxim better than anyone, Kat. I’m not sure he’d want to see me well after everything I put him through. And I never got to make amends for any of it. Maxim never got to rebuild his life. McGuire made sure of that.”
“We all make mistakes. You were just trying to do the right thing. And you loved him. I’m sure he knew that. He was your best friend. How could he not want to see you happy and well?”
Nik laughs humorlessly. “There’s just so much you don’t know.”
14
KAT
“Well, why don’t you tell me, then?” I softly ask.
Nik remains silent for a long while, seemingly lost in thought. Eventually, he sighs. “It’s a long story. One that I wish you never had to learn. It doesn’t paint me in a good light, Kat. But I guess you should hear it if we’re going to do this.” He pauses, and I wait for him to go on, barely daring to breathe, fearing that any disruption might make him change his mind about sharing this chapter of his life with me.
“I don’t remember exactly how old I was when I met Maxim, but I’m sure I was barely ten,” Nik says. “Maxim was around the same age but much more experienced. My parents had just kicked me out, but he had been by himself for most of his life by then. We were fast friends, always looking out for each other. Even before the bratva came along. But eventually, it did come along, as it usually does for boys in our circumstances. I suppose things could’ve changed then, but luckily, our friendship remained the same. There was so much backstabbing and internal violence within the bratva ranks back then, before I became the pakhan. Things were very different for a young shestyorka back in those days. I’d like to think I changed that for the better.” He shrugs.
Still staring ahead, Nik adds, “Maxim and I—we were so young and hungry, so desperate to improve our circumstances. We also had nothing to lose but each other. A man with nothing to lose is a very dangerous man, Kat. That’s how Maxim and I survived early on. It’s how we rose through the ranks. It’s how I became the pakhan. But I’m rambling.”
He laughs under his breath humorlessly, and I take the opportunity to interject. “Nik?—”
I press a tender kiss on his back, but he shakes his head, cutting me off. “No, Kat. Don’t pity me. I don’t deserve or want your pity.”
“Nik, I’ve told you I don’t pity you.”
He resumes his tale, disregarding my interruption. “We were still pretty young when I found the Flame of Mir. Maxim was so happy for me. He saw it as a good omen, as a sign of great things to come. Of course, he wanted me to sell it for capital so we could gather the resources to take over the bratva right then. I couldn’t do it, though. I suppose part of me bought into his sentimental nonsense, and I couldn’t bring myself to part with it. I guess it was also the beginning of my collection. Over time, I started to think of it as a symbol of all the good, admirable things about me and my journey. I’d look at it, and it would remind me of how far I’ve come, of how proud of myself I was for overcoming the shit hand I’d been dealt. It also reminded me of Maxim and the bond we shared. After all, he was there through it all. I couldn’t have done any of it without him.”
Nik’s words almost tear me in half. A sharp, burning sensation rips through my chest as it fully sinks in—I took the diamond from him and gave it to the stronzo. It was bad enough when I thought I had stolen something of inestimable monetary value. But to know it meant so much for him on a personal level…
And just like that, my determination and resolve to return the Flame of Mir to Nik are renewed. I will get it back for him no matter what. The only way the stronzo gets to keep it is over my dead body.
Completely unaware of the havoc his words wreaked in me, Nik says, “I was very young when I became the pakhan. At least if compared to my predecessor and my peers in the other six families. My position wasn’t so secure back then. I was desperate not to return to where I started, so I did everything I could to solidify my hold over the bratva. Most of the heads of the other families stayed neutral towards me at first, waiting to see what I was made of before supporting me or not. I don’t blame them. McGuire, however, reached out to me. He offered to mentor me and was even open to publicly supporting me. That would have been a huge coup for me back then, Kat. The Irish have always controlled the port; if I could get him on my side, the sky was the limit for me. We became friendly and even a little close. He told me he had been struggling to subdue some unrest among his men. He seemed genuinely concerned, mentioning his worry over his daughter’s safety over and over again. Eager as I was to consolidate our alliance, I offered him the perfect solution—the only way to make sure his daughter was safe from his men was to bring an outsider to protect her. Someone whose loyalties weren’t in question.”
