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“Why not?” she asks, raising her eyebrows at me.
I don’t want to upset her and start an argument, especially not about something so pointless. But now is not the time to get sidetracked by irrelevant musings. Not when McGuire sent his men after Kat not even a day ago.
“Look,” I say in my best diplomatic tone. “It means a lot to me that you care about finding Maxim’s killer. And I value your input. I appreciate the fact that you’ve given this matter so much thought. But you’ll have to trust me on this one, Kat. McGuire is our guy.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just am. I know him better than you do.”
Kat frowns at me. “Sure, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider all the options.”
“I have,” I say. “How can you suggest I haven’t?”
“I don’t mean to insult you,” she says cautiously. “But we both know you haven’t. Not really. You’ve been set on McGuire from day one.”
I sigh wearily. “Because he did it. No one else had means, motive, and opportunity. Or the fucking balls to take my best friend from me just when I got him back. Besides, it doesn’t even fucking matter—not after he attacked you and me. I have to kill him for that alone. Anything else would be a waste of our time and resources. Look, I understand you disagree with my judgment. I respect that. But we won’t waste time on any Hail Marys or wild goose chases while McGuire is out for our blood. I need you to go with me on this one and stay out of trouble while I deal with him. After I handle him, we can discuss this again.”
“Nik…” she says, shaking her head in disbelief. “You wanted to avoid a war, remember? That’s why you asked my for my help in the first place. Just give this some thought.”
“No, Kat. I won’t. And I’d greatly appreciate it if you didn’t, either. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to have this conversation again. Not while McGuire’s still breathing. I want to focus on getting rid of the man so we can move on with our lives. And I want you to focus on staying safe while I do just that.”
Kat scowls at me indignantly. “You can’t tell me what to believe. And you don’t get to just lay down the law and tell me a subject is off-limits. I’m not a child.”
Suddenly exhausted, I ask, “Can’t you just trust me on this one?”
“I trust you, Nik, but you’re not being reasonable.”
“I’m not being unreasonable just because I disagree with you. I value your insight, but I understand this game and the players better than you do. Think about it—you’ve just entered my world. I’ve been living in it my whole life. I’ve known McGuire for over a decade. In a perfect universe, we’d have all the time and resources to pursue every lead and make peace with him. But my world is far from perfect. All I can do is make the best decision available to me with the information at hand. Right now, that’s focusing on ending the man who’s actively trying to kill you and me. I can’t have you undermining me or distracting me from this by putting yourself in danger chasing this far-fetched idea of yours.”
She glares at me in disbelief. “All I’m doing is trying to save you. These mafia disputes have a way of getting deadly and bloody fast. I don’t want to lose you. And I know you don’t want to lose your men. You’re also being so unfair. You want me to disregard my thoughts in favor of yours when you didn’t consider my opinions even for a second. You say you appreciate my insight, but that’s just not true. It’s clearly worthless to you.”
“That’s absolutely not true,” I say. “I think you’re brilliant. The way you see the world fascinates me. But I don’t have the luxury of getting sidetracked. Not about this and not now. Not when I’m in open conflict with one of the heads of the Seven Families. I really don’t want to upset you, but being the pakhan means I have to make tough decisions sometimes.”
Kat sighs exasperatedly, shaking her head. “I just think you’re making a mistake. I don’t want it to cost us your life—or Dmitri’s or your men’s.”
“Kat, you’ve come to know me better than most. You know I wouldn’t make a decision that I wasn’t sure was the best one. Not with this. After everything we’ve been through, can’t you just trust me? Can’t you blindly follow my lead this one time? Just this once, can’t you let it go and drop this topic until McGuire is gone?”
“You’ve come to know me, too, Nik,” she says, her eyes sparkling with unconcealed anger. “After everything we’ve been through, I thought I earned a little more respect than this from you. If Dmitri or Vladmir suggested you take a second to think this through, I’m sure you’d hear them out. I’m sure you wouldn’t tell them to just drop it.”
“If Dmitri or Vladmir even thought about questioning my authority so openly and brazenly, I assure you I wouldn’t be half as tolerant with them as I am with you when you do it on a daily basis.”
Kat narrows her eyes at me while crossing her arms. “Why don’t you just give me a comprehensive list of all topics that are off-limits? For my personal edification, of course. God forbid I insult you by disagreeing with you ever again.”
I laugh humorlessly. “If you’re so eager to talk about things one of us doesn’t want to discuss, why don’t we begin by discussing whatever happened to my diamond? I’ve been dying to know. You might’ve noticed I’ve been gracious enough not to press you about it, but if we’re tackling uncomfortable topics, maybe we should start with that.”
Kat’s eyes widen, and she gasps, staring at me as if I had struck her. Her incredulous and wounded expression gives me pause, making me wish I could take my hurtful words back, especially considering what she shared with me about her motives for stealing it. She told me it wasn’t greed or any other frivolous reason that motivated her to steal the damned thing. She did it for love—to protect herself and someone she loved.
Stupidly, at the first opportunity, I betrayed her confidence and trust. I made a mess of things. It was a spiteful thing to say, a mistake made out of anger. Even worse, it was uncalled for and unfair. After all, she’s just trying to help.
Kat blinks at me, swallowing deeply. Utterly ashamed of myself, I watch with horror as her big blue eyes fill up with unshed tears.
“Kat, I’m so sorry. No, don’t cry. I’m an idiot, dusha moya. I didn’t mean any of it. Tell me how to fix this.”
Without meeting my eyes, she stands up. Losing the feel of her body against mine makes everything a hundred times worse.
“Kat—” I say, pleading. I grab her hand as I rise from my seat. “Come on. Give me a chance to apologize.”
She shakes her head, refusing to make eye contact with me. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Nik. You’ve made a good point. Will you excuse me for a second? I could use a moment for myself.”
