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‘Amelia—’
‘Say it,’ she demanded fiercely, moving closer, pressing a hand to his chest, so his eyes closed at the unexpected and incendiary contact. ‘Tell me you don’t want me.’
He lifted a hand, cupped her cheek, looked into her eyes, and everything stopped. They existed in a vacuum and a void, just the two of them. Amelia blinked up at him, her heart bursting to explode. Couldn’t he feel this? Didn’t he get it?
‘I want you to be happy.’ He drew his thumb across her lower lip, eyes following the gesture. ‘I want you to live the life of your choosing. I want you to forgive your mother and father, to find peace with your situation here.’ Her heart trembled. ‘But no, I don’t want you.’
It was like being shot. She almost stumbled back, but held her ground, right in front of him, one cheek in his hand, her hand on his chest.
‘You’re a coward.’ She whispered the accusation as a tear fell from the corner of her eye. Except he wasn’t. He’d been through the most unimaginable grief, he’d suffered intense emotional abuse as a child, had witnessed his mother’s abuse, had grown strong from that, had gone on despite it, and then he’d known the worst loss a person could live through, the death of a child, and had still managed to somehow rebuild his life, to go on, one foot in front of the other, day after day. He wasn’t a coward; he was brave, but everyone had their limits.
Or maybe he simply didn’t love her.
Maybe this was a fantasy, built out of her inexperience and a hopeful heart. Maybe being stranded with him in those intensely emotional circumstances had simply heightened everything.
She stared at him, waiting for him to say something, waiting for there to be more, to understand, but he didn’t. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering there. Her eyes feathered closed as her heart surged at the contact, and then he stepped back and the world turned ice cold.
‘The sooner I leave, the better. For both of us. You’ll realise, once I’m gone, that this was all just make-believe.’
She wouldn’t, and he was wrong, but she couldn’t keep banging him over the head with the truth. She’d told him she loved him, and he’d rejected the whole idea.
‘Have you ever felt like this before?’ she whispered, scanning his face, needing something. To know that this was special, that she was different. She hated herself for asking, but if he didn’t love her, at least he could admit she held a special place in his heart and mind.
‘This is what I do, Amelia,’ he said, the words strangely weighted. ‘I have short-term relationships and then I move on. That’s the life I have chosen; it’s the life I want. And not once have I lied to you about that.’
It was a form of torture. She took a step backwards, reeling, hating him then, as much as she loved him. ‘So you feel this for every woman you sleep with?’ she demanded.
‘I’m not going to talk about my private life in this context.’
‘God, Ben.’ She wrapped her arms around her chest, shivering. ‘You can’t even admit I’m different, can you?’
Silence. Silence that pulsed and pulled and scratched at Amelia until she was almost completely raw.
‘I’m truly sorry you feel this way,’ he said, eventually, not moving.
Amelia tilted a glance at him, and her heart fairly shattered. He was the love of her life, of that she had no doubt. But he was also intractable and stubborn. He wouldn’t change his mind. There was no point having this conversation—it would only hurt them both.
‘You should go.’
‘Amelia—’
‘What?’ She whipped around to face him, almost at breaking point. ‘What more is there to say? I love you. You don’t love me. You’re the single most important person I’ve ever met in my life; I’m nothing to you. Is that a fair summation?’
A muscle throbbed in his jaw as he stared across at her. ‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’
‘Yes, you do,’ she whispered. ‘But you’re right, this isn’t your fault; you’ve never lied to me. Not even now.’ Her lips twisted in an awful approximation of a smile. ‘Thanks for your honesty, at least.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t.’ She shook her head. ‘Don’t apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong.’ She pulled her hair over one shoulder. ‘This was all my fault. My mistake.’
His eyes bored into hers, long and hard.
‘I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I really thought I could control this. I thought, after Daniel, I was safe from ever feeling anything like this for anyone...’ She blinked quickly to stem the threat of tears. ‘Please just go, Ben. There’s nothing more to say.’
Yet he lingered, watching her, and her nerves stretched and stretched until she couldn’t take it any more.
‘Go,’ she shouted, pointing to the door, finally wiping at her eye just as a tear fell. ‘I need to be alone.’
