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“That’s not it.” Anger rolled off his shoulders as his back tensed with every accusatory word I spouted at him.
“Then I can drive us!”
“My father asked me to stay, so I’m going to stay!” His jaw worked overtime, chewing down the frustration that boiled hot within him.
“Quit being a coward, Cassidy Duke!” I shouted, furious that he was making excuses for not going, and he spun around so quickly, he crashed down to the ground. My eyes widened, and I darted toward him, but he merely held up a hand to stop me.
“I’m not being a coward,” he hissed, closing his eyes and placing a palm against his head.
“Then why won’t you go to the hospital? Why are you content with staying here and waiting for an update?”
“Because you can’t go there!” He slowly braced against the dir, and pushed himself upright. Everything in me screamed to go help him; it was my fault that he was dealing with this concussion anyway. He’d protected me, and I wanted to return the favor. But knowing him and who he was kept my feet planted firmly to the ground.
“I can’t…” My brows stitched together as he brushed some dirt from his pants. “Wait, what does this have to do with me?”
“I figured out what my dad was really trying to say,” he mumbled, turning his back once more to me, and trudged hesitantly up the path. “It took me longer than usual ’cause my head hurts anytime I think too hard,” he added with a grumble beneath his breath.
“Cassidy,” I started, watching him fade. “What are you talking about?”
“Not now, Goldie. My head is spinning, I’m about to throw up, so can we get to the house so I can vomit in dignity at least?” he called out over his shoulder. The tension from his body slipped like a feather dancing away on the wind, leaving as quickly as it came, and was replaced with exhaustion.
I heard a few curse words escape his lips and guilt slammed against my back. This overly emotional reaction to everything was so unlike Cassidy, and it was my fault. The concussion was my fault. He’d kept me from having any serious injuries and, as a result, suffered from one himself—one that the doctor informed us would make his emotions rather extreme and not as steady as normal.
But I needed to know why he believed that I was the reason he was asked to stay away from the hospital and his family. “Please, tell me,” I begged.
There was no sign on his frame that he heard me as he continued plodding up toward his house.
“Please, Cassidy, what does this have to do with me?” I pleaded again, trying to catch up with him.
“I’ll explain at the house,” he quietly answered.
“I’m sorry! Okay? I’m sorry that I’m the reason you have a concussion and that you’re stuck here and—”
“It’s not your fault,” he bluntly cut me off, enraging me unlike I’d ever experienced before despite the fact he was taking all the blame from my shoulders. He wasn’t telling me what he knew, and that pissed me off.
“None of it is your fault,” he quietly added. “This is just what I do.”
“What is it that you do exactly? Give up your own desires for everyone else as if being self-sacrificing is a noble quality?” It was a low blow, I knew that the moment I saw him tug his hat lower over his head. Shame enveloped my hardened heart.
“Cassidy,” I whispered, calling out for him as he refused to look at me or answer. “I didn’t mean it…”
“But you’re right. That’s exactly it. That’s all I know how to do. First with Weston and now with you. So, go ahead, tell me again how little of a man I am.” His voice cracked, the mountain of a human crumbling in front of me.
“Cassidy, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I thought that at one point, but now I wish you’d be a bit more selfish because you deserve it. I see how hard—”
“You want me to be more selfish?” His voice immediately deepened, growling with seething madness that matched my own frustration. “Alright, I can be selfish.” He raised his gaze up from the ground, still marching along in front of me, refusing to look at me. “They told me to stay behind because they knew I couldn’t come with you to the hospital where your mom is a labor and delivery nurse.”
And my legs immediately buckled out from beneath me, the cold dirt roughly catching my fall. Cassidy didn’t even stop walking as time paused, succumbing me to temporary paralysis. The earth cracked, swallowing me whole.
“That’s… That’s not possible,” I muttered. This wasn’t real. He was angry, so he made something up. There was no way to weather this storm and come out on the other side of this horrible lie alive. How could he tell me something so horrendously wrong? “She died, Cassidy. She’s been dead since I was born.” I’d been to my mother’s grave, seen her name on a headstone and everything. She’d died. She was dead. She couldn’t be here, in Riverford, Montana of all places, working. Alive. Healthy and living an entire life on her own, not once having reached out to Dad or me.
Cassidy was merely messing with me. That was it.
He wanted me to think about the fact that my mom might still be alive. That was it.
He needed me to obsess over something else that wasn’t him. That was it.
And it was only partly working.
