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I wish I had the answers. Delilah is waiting for us when the elevator opens into their penthouse home. “Bring her in here and put her on my bed.”
GARNET
I killed people. I took their lives. And I would do it again if I had to. The fact that I’m not more upset about the outcome is upsetting. The whole situation freezes me, stealing my voice. I hear everything James says to me. His apologies for the pain he’s causing me are meaningless right now.
Orym carries me up to the penthouse while Ry and Luca try to get me to talk to them. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m not even sure that I would if I could. Maybe it’s better if I stay quiet. I can’t hurt them if I don’t talk. If they have no idea what’s going through my mind, there’s no way for me to lose them.
Part of me feels like I’m going to lose them all in the end anyway. There’s no real point in any of this. Amber will continue to kill wolves, vamps, and humans until someone stops her. The only way to defeat her will involve killing her. Everything forces more death. There is no way to win this without death.
I want to go back to the way things were before all of this. If I could travel back in time, I would choose the moment I realized who my mates were. That was the scariest realization of my life, at least up to that point. I miss that simplicity. There was no fear of death or killing. Just a consideration of how things will work with four mates. I choke back a laugh at that thought. There was a time in my life that my biggest concern was how to deal with having four mates. How did I get from there to fighting to save three different races of people from a wicked witch?
“Are you okay?” Luca asks again when I strangle the laugh that tries to escape my lips.
I lock eyes with him and try to talk through the bond, since my voice doesn’t want to cooperate. Not really, but I’m trying. I can’t tell at first if he hears me or not. Has this issue with James damaged my bond with all my mates? Maybe I’m just closing myself off to protect them from my pain. Either way, it’s not fair and I need to fix it.
My heartache is eased and intensified by being this close to James. I don’t know if I can take much more of being this close without being able to touch him. I can’t stop the pull toward him, but I am fighting against it. I won’t be the one to give in. Even if all of this is Amber’s fault, he went along with it. He didn’t fight for me. And that’s hard to forgive. I’m not sure I’d be able to trust him if he apologized and tried to make things right.
He doesn’t seem too interested in that anyway, so it doesn’t matter. When we were alone outside, he kept telling me that he was sorry for hurting me, but it was the only way. Those words echo in my head as he takes on his EMT persona and examines me for injuries. He won’t find any. I know I’m not hurt physically. It’ll make the others feel better, though, so I don’t argue.
They all hover around me as the examination proceeds. I let my mind wander so I’m not focused on James’ hands on my skin. “Garnet,” he says loudly. The exasperation in his voice tells me that he’s been trying to get my attention.
“What?” I manage to force the word out, breathless and gravelly.
“I asked if anything hurts,” he responds with a flinch. I should be concerned that he acts scared of me, but I’m not. After all, he did just watch me kill a bunch of witches outside. How difficult would it be for me to do the same to him?
“No, nothing hurts. I’m fine,” I insist. My voice carries no emotion, flat and lifeless, just like the rest of me. It’s not fair to feel this way, especially with three other mates who aren’t rejecting me. But the pain of this damaged bond is miserable. The only thing making it bearable right now is being here with James touching me. I wonder if he feels the same. I would ask, but I refuse to admit that he’s hurting me.
He turns to Ry, his back toward me. “No physical injuries. I can’t tell about mental. I know that did something to her. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more.”
“If you hadn’t destroyed the mate bond, maybe you’d know what’s wrong with her,” Luca accuses. As amusing as it is to have him call James out, it still hurts me to be reminded of the damaged bond. I wonder if it means anything that it’s not fully gone.
“I never meant to hurt her. If you guys would just let me explain, then maybe you won’t hate me so much for what I had to do.” I’m shocked that James is begging them to hear him out.
“We already know that Amber made you do it. But why? That’s what we’d like to know. Why would you go along with Amber and do what she wants?” Ry asks him, taking a step forward. James backs away from me, refusing to face off with Ry. I don’t blame him. My sexy alpha mate looks intimidating right now.
“Because it wasn’t just Amber. It was everything. I don’t have magic like the rest of you. I barely survived being attacked. I can’t put Garnet at risk like that again. I won’t. Just because Amber tapped a nerve that was already raw, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t already having those thoughts myself. She just nudged me toward sharing them.” James wipes the back of his hand across his eyes.
“I don’t understand,” Orym says. “You’re family. It doesn’t matter to us that you’re human.”
JAMES
“Being human doesn’t make you less important to our cause,” Orym completes his thought. As much as I want to argue with him, I can see that he believes his words. I just wish I could. I miss Garnet, and the connection with the others. I would love to have it back, but I’ve already screwed it up.
“I don’t know how to make this better. I really think you’re all safer without me around. You can’t convince me otherwise,” I insist, moving toward the door. I have to get out of here. I can’t keep fighting about this with everyone. I can tell that my brother is on their side, too.
I expect someone to stop me, but they don’t. As soon as I step into the elevator to go down to the club, Dec’s hand holds the door open. Here comes another lecture from my big brother. The doors close and the metal box starts to descend, but he doesn’t speak.
“Look, I know what you’re going to say,” I start, not able to stand the silence any longer.
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Oh, you do? Then tell me little brother, what am I going to say?” His arms cross his chest and he pins me with his glare.
“I’ve fucked up and I need to fix it. I’m running away instead of facing things head on. Stop being a coward and grovel to the woman you love.”
I meet his gaze and he starts to laugh. “What the fuck is so funny?” I ask.
“You. You’re hilarious. Yeah, I should say all of that to you, but you already know it. So, I’ll say this instead: it’s not a good idea to fight with the woman you love. You should be fighting for her, not against her.” He holds up a hand when I try to object. “I understand your insecurities, but none of that matters to her. You were chosen as her mate for a reason. There’s a purpose for you to fulfill. You can’t do that if you’re not by her side. Consider that.”
I pause, letting his words sink in. Maybe he’s right. “But I’m just a human. I can’t compete with the supernatural.”
