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Suddenly his need to tie me up, to demand control, makes sense. I take his hand. “You can’t protect me from everything any more than I can you, but you can go to sleep every night knowing that if I die tomorrow, I’ll die loved and happy. I’ll die in love and happy with you.”
He pulls me to him and cups my face. “You don’t get to die. Ever. You hear me?” He kisses me before I can tell him that I can’t make that promise so I let it go but I don’t let him go. I won’t ever let him go. And he doesn’t let go now either. He picks me up and carries me to the bed, and this time when we’ve torn away our clothes, he doesn’t fuck me. He makes love to me and me to him and when we fall asleep, it’s holding each other. Neither of us letting go.
Saturday morning is cold. Reid and I workout in the gym and then shower together before we both dress in jeans and bundle up for our outing to meet Snowflake, but first we detour to our favorite coffee shop. I really love that we have a coffee shop and little habits between us now that we share. We’re walking to the shop, past my old building to find all kinds of construction work going on. “Looks like they’re finally getting to work on fixing that place,” I say.
“Do you miss it?” Reid asks, pulling me under his arm, his big body sheltering me from the December chill.
“Remarkably, not at all,” I say, glancing up at him. “I thought I would, but I feel at home with you.”
“We should talk again about buying a new place or remodeling.”
“I don’t need us to do that, Reid. I like what we have.”
We enter the coffee shop, order and wait for our drinks. “Why don’t we just look around for a place?” he asks, returning to the subject of our home.
“We have a wedding to think about,” I argue. “That’s enough for now. I’m really excited about the place Cat suggested for the wedding.” I touch his cheek. “I really am amazed at what you did for her. I wish she knew. Maybe one day you’ll tell her.”
He kisses my hand. “I just want her to have that DNA test.”
My brow furrows. “I wonder if she told your dad about the baby?”
“I would vote no on that one, and I’m sure the fact that she doesn’t have a parent to share this news with is bothering her.”
“I hate that she doesn’t have her mom to share this with and the same for you with our wedding.”
He strokes my hair behind my ear. “She would have loved you and the changes you’ve brought in me would have pleased her.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, Carrie. Very much so and I do regret that she’s not here to meet you and see what you’ve made me.”
“I didn’t do this. She did with that letter. Have you talked to your dad at all?”
“Not today,” he says. “I don’t expect we’ll hear from him anytime soon.”
“What about Christmas?”
He arches a brow. “What about it?”
“What’s he going to do for Christmas?”
“He never comes to Cat’s place. He never invites anyone over. He’s alone, by choice, though this year I think we’d all agree with his choice.”
“That’s sad,” I say, as they call out our drinks.
“Only you, my gorgeous woman, could feel sorry for my father. He’s a killer, remember?” He heads to the counter and grabs our drinks.
When he returns and hands me my cup, I reply, “I guess it’s easy to forget that part because it doesn’t feel real.”
“Forget my father. We have a good day planned. Let’s keep it good.”
I smile. “We’re going to meet our cat today,” I say excitedly, as we head out of the building toward our hired car.
Reid pulls me close and says, “Snowball, right?”
“Snowflake,” I correct.
“That sounds like a political joke.”
