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35
It was around six in the evening when I saw her pull into the driveway. Peeping through the window in my office, I saw her wave at Rell then walk toward the house.
I didn’t hear her come into the house, because I was listening to my old-school hip hop iTunes playlist on my computer. I turned it off in time to hear her knock at my office door.
“Zo, you in there?”
“Yeah.”
She eased the door open and stepped inside in clothes I’d never seen her wear before. She looked tired. As pretty as ever, but tired. “Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey,” I replied.
She slid into a chair in front of my desk and sighed. “I’m sorry, Zo. I should’ve listened to you. I was—your mother told me everything about your kids. I understand that you’re trying to build relationships with them. I know…I know they’re still angry at who you were in the past.”
I adjusted in my seat and dropped my eyes to the top of my desk. “So you talked to my mama…”
“Yes, yes, and I get it now. I’m sorry for not listening to you, Zo.”
I raised my eyes. “But you listened to my mother. You gave her that respect, huh?”
She frowned a little and nodded. “Yes…”
“But the man you love, the one who loves you with everything in him, you couldn’t listen to him, right?”
She sat up straight. “Zo—”
“And then, you went against your word and left me. You left me again, Doc, after you promised you wouldn’t. You fucking left me. And you didn’t answer your phone. And where the hell did those clothes come from?”
She looked down at herself and back up at me. “Walmart. Zo, I just needed time—”
“No, Renee, what you needed to do was to sit in that kitchen and hear me out! But you didn’t. It took my mama to make you understand. But you ain’t been screwing my mama all these months!”
She stood up. “Zo! I’m sorry!”
“You kept some shit from me, too, Renee. Some serious shit, but I didn’t run for the fucking hills, did I? I sat there and listened to you and accepted that shit, because that was all I could do. Because I love your ass!”
“Zo…” Her voice quivered.
I had leaned forward and could feel my temple pulsating. “I love you. Never loved anyone the way I love you, but I can’t do this shit anymore.”
“What are you talking about? You can’t do what?”
“Us. I can’t do us. I can’t keep loving you and watching you leave me over and over again. I can’t take that shit anymore! I told you it hurts. It hurts like a motherfucker, and I don’t like pain. Not that kind of pain. You gotta take that shit somewhere else.”
She stood there for a long time, just staring at me, and I stared back at her for a while but had to look away when she started crying.
“Zo, I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to us. Please don’t.”
“You did it, Renee. Running away, ignoring my calls and texts like I’m a nuisance or something. You know how fucked up that is? You wearing my ring and disrespecting me like that? Yeah, I should have told you. I wanted to tell you, but I don’t even like thinking about how I fucked things up with my kids. They hate me and I can’t even get mad because I know I deserve it, but I don’t wanna think about it.”
“I understand that now.”
“Now?” I scoffed. “Renee, you know me. You know my heart. You should’ve sat your ass down and heard me out. The first thought in your head shouldn’t have been that I was just another nigga who wasn’t shit when it came to their kids, because you know me better than that. You told me to kiss your ass! And you know what, I bet you never treated your ex like that.”
“Zo, please—”
“No! I’m done. You can get your stuff and go back to wherever you spent last night. Keep the damn ring. I don’t need it.”
