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I steal the brush out of his hand and sit on the counter in front of him to block his nighttime routine.
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”
“No.”
He steps back, running his hand through his hair and sitting on the edge of his Jacuzzi tub. “Falling off Titan fucked me up. Made me think… realize… that life is short. Probably my mom dying so young on the farm had something to do with it too, but I just…” He grips the back of his neck and looks at the floor between his feet.
I remain silent since he’s finally giving me information.
“I went to your dad and told him I wanted to date you. Told him my intentions and that although I wasn’t going to ask you to marry me right away, I wanted him to know how much you meant to me. That I wouldn’t just start dating you on a whim, it was serious for me.”
My entire body goes numb, and I rest my back against the mirror, needing something to support me. He had feelings for me? “Really?”
His eyes rise to meet mine. “Yeah.” Jude clears his throat. “Your dad told me that I had your hand whenever I wanted it. That he always knew we’d end up together and knew I’d take care of you.”
My nose burns, and my eyes fill with tears. “Why would you keep this from me? All this time…” I slide off the counter and walk into his bedroom. “You know how much peace that would have offered me today?”
He follows me. “Sadie, I?—”
I whip around. “What, Jude?”
He doesn’t say anything, refusing to finish the sentence.
I’m so mentally drained after the wedding, the absence of my father, and now this. My parents and Jude. Three of the most important people in my life kept this from me all these years.
“What, Jude?” I say louder than I usually am.
“Then you were offered that job in New York, and I couldn’t take that opportunity away from you.” He sits on the edge of the bed, resting his forearms on his thighs, and puts his head in his hands.
I sit next to him and stare at him. “You should have told me.”
He presses his thumbs into the bridge of his nose and stares at the floor. “It was your chance to get out of Willowbrook. To go fulfill your dreams.”
Three years ago, I was approaching thirty. I’d gotten restless and applied for some jobs around the country, unsure if I really stood a chance of getting one of them. But I was offered a job by a company interested in my graphic design ability, and I accepted. I moved to New York because my grandma said she’d take care of my mom. Then my grandma died unexpectedly two months later, and I returned home. I always felt that was a saving grace though. I had been so homesick in New York, but too proud to return on my own.
“So, you had feelings for me?” I ask, nervous for his answer even though he’s already confirmed that he did. “I mean, more than friends?”
His head falls down, his chin hitting his chest. “Do we really have to do this?”
“Yes.”
He stays in place for a second then straightens. “Fine.” Standing, he puts his hands in his pockets and steps away from me. “After the incident with Titan, I realized I’d been wasting so much time not taking my chances with you. I had plans to tell you everything I felt for you. But I wanted it to be perfect, so I waited a couple days. By the time I had it all planned, you’d gotten that job offer. I made your parents promise not to tell you about my conversation with your dad. I didn’t want my feelings to have any bearing on whether you decided to take the job or not. So when you decided to move to New York, I didn’t say anything so you could go and live out your dream.”
Exhilaration wars with anger in my chest. I’m unsure how to react. We lost that time together…
“And now?” I whisper, swallowing my nerves.
He looks at me. “Now what?”
“How do you feel now?” I hold my breath, waiting for his answer.
He leans his back against the wall and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “Nothing’s changed.”
“Meaning?”
“Are you asking if I still have feelings for you?”
I stand and step closer to him. “I’m asking if you have feelings stronger than friendship for me.”
