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Autumn walks past me, and all I can think of is how many squats she has to do to get an ass like that.
She stops right inside the door, taking in the space. “What a lovely farmhouse. There are more modern touches than I would’ve assumed.”
I slide by her. “Jude built the house himself.”
Jude puts her bags on the floor by the door, the tips of his ears turning red from embarrassment. The man hates to be the center of attention.
“Seriously? Damn. You should do it for a living. It’s beautiful.”
He shrugs. “I’m a cattle rancher.”
“Oh.” Her smile falters a bit. “I guess everyone has to make a living.”
If I’d known that would kill her attraction to him, I would’ve mentioned it sooner.
Jude helps her pair her phone to his Bluetooth speaker, and she goes over the definition of tantra and how our goal today is to grow the intimacy and sexuality between us. If she only knew the truth.
“Each of you grab a mat and put them right up against one another. Sit on your own. I’m going to put on some soothing background music.”
She busies herself as we arrange the mats, my anxiety ramping up that we’re going to be touching and staring into one another’s eyes. I’ve watched videos online to prepare myself, hoping I can turn off my sexuality and do the poses without desire coursing through me the whole time.
“Please sit back to back, cross your legs, and relax your arms on your lap.”
We do as she says, our spines aligned. Jude’s muscled back feels so much stronger than my own.
“Now take deep breaths, in and out, feeling each other’s energy.”
Jude grunts, and I close my eyes, taking deep breaths, all too aware of Jude’s presence so close to me. Every day, I struggle more and more to contain my feelings. I was so close to spilling all my feelings only weeks ago, and now I’m stuck in a stall pattern trying to save my family’s farm, which got me here, in a private tantra yoga class with Jude’s body pressed against mine.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that I spook when Autumn lifts my arm. “Now twist,” she says softly, using a gentle tone as if she’s afraid she’s going to pull us out of the moment. “Your arm goes to this thigh.”
She guides my hand to rest on Jude’s right knee. His leg jolts but calms soon enough. She picks up his hand and puts it on my right knee, leaving our backs still touching but twisted more into one another.
Crap, this is a lot more intimate than I thought. In all the years we’ve been friends, Jude has probably never been this close to me for this long.
It feels nice though, hearing his breathing, feeling his back rise and fall. I do feel closer to him.
“You guys are perfect,” she says. “Now come back to your starting position, but this time, Jude, you’re going to lean forward, putting your elbows on the floor, and Sadie is going to move back, pressing her back to yours, stretching her core.”
“Yeah, I don’t bend like that,” Jude says.
“Let’s just try it. Surely riding a horse and lassoing innocent cows keeps you flexible.”
I snicker, surprised that Jude isn’t saying anything back. He’s not usually one to keep his snarky comments to himself.
She pushes on his back, and he groans and grunts the entire time but does manage to bend into position. Autumn guides me by my hand, not telling me but showing me and putting me in the position she wants. I stretch my body over Jude’s back, accepting and trusting that he has me as he always does.
“Lovely,” she says. “You two are beautiful.”
I’m sure she says that to all her couples. She’s already mentioned her studio in Lincoln twice and a weekend retreat she’s doing if we really want to connect. Kudos to Romy for bringing her in. Good for both of them on the business front.
“Now we’re going to switch,” she says.
“Thank God, I was getting a thigh cramp,” Jude grumbles.
I shoot Autumn an apologetic look, but she doesn’t seem to care.
“Sadie, you bend forward, and you’re going to hold Jude’s body on yours.”
