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I’d tried to tell Kelsey that this was a terrible weekend to come up, but she wasn’t having it. She wasn’t having any of it, and she promptly let me know her thoughts on the matter before hanging up each time. She then, of course, texted me furiously after, asking me what was wrong. What the hell was I supposed to say to her? She’d already seen me through one world-shattering doomsday scenario; she didn’t need to help me through another.
I was smart enough to know that deep down a part of me wanted Kelsey to help. A deep, secret part of me wanted my best friend to swoop in and save the day yet again. I would worship the ground she walked on if she could, but the rational part of me knew there was no escaping this particular situation. I’d made my grave, and now I had to lay in it, letting the world slowly push the dirt on me bit by bit until I couldn’t breathe. Until I suffocated.
Hillcrest wasn’t going to kill me. Ray was. My life had come full circle, and even though I wasn’t ready to die, I knew it was my time. Soon enough I’d draw my last breath and leave this world a much shittier place.
It was as I stood there, alone in Will’s room, save for the man himself, that I hated myself even more for that. I didn’t want to leave the world worse off; if there was one thing I should do, it was take down my psycho ex and make sure he could never hurt anyone again.
I’d tried that, or at least I thought I did…and it hadn’t worked. Why would this time be any different? Ray was a monster, but he was the luckiest monster to ever walk the streets.
Will lay in the hospital bed, hooked up to IVs and machines. His brown hair was greasy, parted messily, and stubble lined his square jaw. His hazel eyes were open and on me, a pair of beautiful orbs that instantly drew me in. So pretty, so kind, even when injured because of me. Of course, he didn’t know that last part, but I was sure once the truth came to light, he’d know. He’d know, and he’d think of me differently. They all would.
It was a good thing that by the time that happened, I’d be long gone. Dead, probably. Number seventeen, provided Ray hadn’t killed anyone else between now and getting off due to a fucking technicality.
Did I want to be number seventeen? Fuck no, but it was getting harder and harder to see the bright side when faced with so many corpses and attacks. All those graves…
“Hey,” Will said, his voice cutting into my wandering, depressed thoughts. His lips quirked into a smile, and I found myself moving towards the chair beside his bed.
“Hey,” I echoed, sitting gingerly, careful how I moved myself. My body was still sore, but I knew what I felt had to be nothing compared to Will. He was stabbed—deep, too. Had to have surgery and all that. My pain was nothing in the face of his.
And it was all my fault.
I never thought myself to be full of self-blame, but it was impossible to not be when this was literally my fault.If Will had never stumbled into my life and gotten entangled in my heart, he never would’ve been attacked. Ray only went after him because of his connection to me.
I opened my mouth, about to say something, but Will cut me off by saying, “Please don’t ask me how I feel, because the answer won’t be pretty.” He still smiled at me, but I could tell the smile was pained and halfhearted.
It was my turn to give him my own sad smile. “Tell me about it. I think I heard that question about a hundred times when I woke up.”
Will gave me a strange look. “What are you talking about?”
I blinked, wondering if no one had told him. I suspected it slipped everyone’s mind, mostly because when they were in Will’s presence, everything was about him. Not me. Plus, Dean Briggs didn’t know how close I was to Will. Not really, because he didn’t know about the attack on Declan.
What would hiding the truth do? There was no point in lying to him, not now. The jig was almost up.
“The night you were attacked, Declan and I came to the hospital,” I told him. My hand tingled, the urge to reach for him and grab his hand strong, but I held back. The first thing I needed to do to push these guys away and make sure they were safe was not fawning all over them. “I…freaked out. I ran away in a panic and—” Holy hell, it was a million times more difficult to say it while Will watched me with those pretty, multi-colored eyes. “—I was hit by a car.”
Will tried sitting up, but he didn’t have the strength. That, or he couldn’t due to the pain. Wincing, he lay back down, but not before asking, “You were hit by a car? Ash, how are you up and walking?”
Nodding once, I said, “A hit-and-run. They didn’t stop. They just kept driving, like they didn’t even hit me.” My chin fell, and I stared at my lap. “I was lucky there wasn’t more damage. Just bruised, nothing broken.” Now that I knew everything involved Ray though, I knew luck had absolutely nothing to do with it.
More like the opposite of luck.
“Ash,” he whispered, speaking my name as if it was the most important word he’d ever spoken in his life, something sentimental and meaningful. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were there. Well, here, I mean. You were here. You just beat me to it,” I tried joking, but the joke fell flat. Now wasn’t the time to joke about any of this. If there was ever a time for seriousness, it was now, talking to Will in his own private room with Declan and Dean Briggs standing just outside.
Even though it wasn’t a particularly funny joke, Will chuckled softly anyway. “You need to be more careful,” he warned. He spared a glance toward his family in the hall before continuing, “This…I don’t think it was a random attack. I think it was on purpose, and I think whoever did it is the same person who hurt Declan.” Then the gears clicked in his mind. “The one who hit you—”
“Could be connected too,” I acknowledged.It would be all I would concede right now.
He moved a hand, though it was connected to tubes and such, toward me, setting it on my knee. Just the tip; it was all he could reach without getting up. I didn’t move closer, not wanting him to touch me at all. It would only make this harder.
Fuck. I should never have come here at all. This was stupid. This…this was meant to be a goodbye, and I was doing a bang-up job at it.
“Never go anywhere alone,” Will said. “Promise me, Ash. Promise me you’ll stay safe.”
I had no idea how the hell I was supposed to promise him that, seeing as how I couldn’t keep anyone safe. I was the reason this was happening. I was the one who brought Ray here. Ray Ruiz would’ve never come to Hillcrest on his own—these people were not his people. He was the type of guy who liked to hang out in divey bars, order drinks past closing time, not the kind who liked golfing and wearing pressed pants.
“I’ll do my best,” I said, fibbing one hundred percent. I hated lying to him, especially while he looked so desperate and pleading, but I had to do it. Otherwise, I had the feeling he might mention something he shouldn’t to Dean Briggs or Declan.
