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Ash’s words rang through my head, bouncing around in my brain as I left her room. My skin felt clammy for all the wrong reasons, and I was like a zombie as I meandered down the hall, passing busy nurses and doctors. When I found the nearest chair, I sat down, slumping over in it. Over and over again, her harsh question rang in my head, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she really meant it, or if she was lashing out because of what happened. She definitely didn’t seem too pleased to hear that I’d told the police what she said to me before she ran off.
Did Ash not care about me? Did I mean nothing to her? Were these feelings budding inside of me useless? I loved her. I did. I cared for her more than I ever thought I would.
When she first moved in, when I saw her, I fought the feelings, not wanting them to plant their seeds and grow. I didn’t want to care about her, for dozens of reasons. I didn’t want her to hurt me, didn’t want others to use her against me, and I…above all else, I was afraid. Afraid to feel again after so long, after losing the one and only girl I’d ever loved. After being blamed for her death in her own suicide note.
But that was the thing about love. You might try to stop it, but stop it you cannot. It grew where it wanted to, regardless of whether you were welcome to it. It didn’t care if you wanted it or not. Love was one of the most powerful forces out there, and I could feel my heart already starting to break.
I was losing Ash before I even had her.
Why?
Why was she pushing me away right now? Didn’t she need me the most during a time like this? She was just hit by a car…she shouldn’t be alone. She should have friends, family…a boyfriend there to protect her.
My hands balled into fists, and I bent my back, resting my forehead against my fists, lost in my own head. Whatever I’d hoped to have with Ash was probably stupid, anyway. Someone like her would never fall for someone like me—and I didn’t mean the differences in socioeconomic status. I meant…I meant she was too good for me. Better than me. She was perfect, and I was a broken man who spent the last year sullen and moping because his ex-girlfriend committed suicide.
She needed a better man. Ash needed—
“She in there?” A deep voice broke into my head, and when I looked up, I found out who it was.
Travis. She didn’t need Travis. Travis was…wrong in so many ways.
Travis’s head was turned toward the nearest room, his tattooed hands in his pockets. The only reason he wasn’t currently lighting one up, I knew, was because of where we were. If we were anywhere else besides a hospital, I knew for a fact he’d have a cigarette in his hand. He was practically born from the womb smoking.
“No,” I said, “she’s farther down.”
He started walking, but stopped after a step. His blue eyes found me again, seeming quite bored, considering the circumstances. “How is she doing?” No questions about Will, because Travis didn’t care about Will. He only cared about Ash, which I suppose I couldn’t fault him for.
If it wasn’t for Will, we never would’ve been in this hospital. If it wasn’t for Will getting attacked, Ash never would’ve been hit by that car.
I ran a hand over my mouth, refusing to get to my feet to address him. I was lost for a moment, wondering if I’d ever get to kiss her again. I could count on a single hand how many times our lips had met, and if I was honest, it wasn’t nearly enough. I wanted to kiss her so many times I lost count. I wanted more, desperately desired to be more. Why couldn’t Ash see that? Why did she push me away once I came out with my feelings toward her?
Maybe she was afraid. Maybe, I hazarded a terrible thought, she thought I killed Sabrina, threw a rope around her neck and strung her up.Maybe she didn’t want to be the next victim.
No. We were past that point. She knew I was innocent, even if the note blamed me. Besides, if I did it, why would I have her write a note blaming myself, therefore incriminating myself? It didn’t make sense.
“She was hit by a car,” I answered. “How do you think she’s doing?”
“But she’s awake?” Travis hedged, and I nodded. “That’s good, at least. Being awake so soon. She’s tough.”
I nodded again. “She is.”
“A hell of a lot tougher than Sabrina,” Travis spoke something that made my blood pressure rise. Ballsy of him to say that, considering he and Sabrina had been together behind my back on multiple occasions. “But anyone who considers suicide is weak, in my opinion.”
I felt insulted on so many different levels. “Funny,” I growled out through bared teeth, like a rabid dog in the face of a meaty steak. I wanted to tear Travis apart, but if I lost my cool now, I’d never get it back. “Because I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”
“True” was all Travis said before walking away, peering into the rooms he passed until he found her, and then he went in, disappearing from my sight.
Good, I didn’t want to see him, and I sure as hell didn’t want to talk to him. Still, though, while he was gone in her room, I couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about, whether she was telling him off as she’d told me off…or if, for some strange reason, she was choosing him, just as Sabrina did, in the end.
No one ever chose me. No one ever picked me. I was just Declan Briggs, the forgotten one.
I didn’t mind, at least, not at first. I was more than okay with being chosen last in all aspects of my life before Sabrina. When it came to Sabrina, I cared more than I wanted to admit, and stepping back and letting her go off and do what she wanted during the breaks in our relationship hurt me like no physical weapon could. With Ash…God, I wanted Ash to be different. I wanted it so badly I could taste it, could taste her on my tongue.
I didn’t want to be the forgotten one when it came to her, and I’d learned my lesson from Sabrina.
Getting to my feet, I stormed over to her room, walking in even though the door was closed. Both she and Travis looked at me, an annoyed expression on Ash’s face and an unreadable one on Travis’s. The door swung shut of its own accord behind me, and I stood tall, even though Travis was a few inches taller than me.
This was not going to be a repeat of Sabrina. Ash was different, and I was different. I was not the same person I was a year ago, and even though I hated to admit that Travis was right, Ash was worlds stronger than Sabrina ever was. I was going to fight for her, even when the fight seemed hopeless.
