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I didn’t…I didn’t think. I was nowhere near as bad as I was right after Sabrina died. Someone had to have drugged me or something, but trying to convince these doctors of that just came off as paranoid and delusional.
My eyes studied my bandaged arm, and I tried my hardest to remember what happened before I passed out. I think I made my way into the bathroom, but I wasn’t sure. I think I called Will, but again, not sure. Everything was so hazy, so fuzzy, like my mind didn’t want to cooperate, like my brain refused to give.
It was a long while before Will stirred, his eyes slow to snap open. He yawned and stretched; I bet his back ached something fierce from sleeping in that chair. The first thing out of my mouth was “Ash—”
My older brother didn’t give me a chance to finish, cutting in, “She’s fine. I made sure she got home safely.”
I knew being in that room didn’t necessarily mean she was safe. I’d rather be with her to make sure, or have Will with her. Hell, I’d rather Will be with her than with me. I could handle myself around doctors. She was the one alone in our room; what if someone did this to me and came back to make sure I was gone? What if they hurt her, too?
“You should go, stay with her,” I suggested, trying to sit up. My body felt drained, so I immediately reclined back against the bed, settling for tilting my head toward him. “What if they try to hurt her next?”
“You need to tell dad,” Will advised, always the smarter one, always the logical one.
“Dad doesn’t need to know about all of this,” I said. I’d rather him never find out about this hospital visit, but I knew that was a useless hope. Even if we kept it from him, he’d see the scar on my arm sooner or later and demand to know when and where it came from. “I can handle it—”
Again, he cut me off, “Really, Declan?” Will’s tone was a bit flippant. He hardly ever sounded irate, but here? He was intensely aggravated at me, and letting it show. “Look at where you are. You’re in the hospital, for crying out loud. You were attacked. Someone needs to look into this.”
Well, at least he didn’t think I’d tried to kill myself. I really hoped Ash didn’t believe it, either. For some strange reason, I wanted her to have faith in me. If she was on my side, I felt like I could take on the entire world.
“Who’s going to look into it? What evidence do we have?” I asked him. The door to the room was closed, so I felt a little more comfortable raising my voice. This was not something I’d back down on. “It looks like I tried to cut myself. That’s what everyone is going to believe.” My voice caught in the back of my throat when I thought about Sabrina.
The police ruled hers a suicide too, even though I doubted it was. Sawyer blamed me. I wasn’t sure who to blame…
Although now? Now I was starting to wonder if I should’ve suspected the brother all along. It wasn’t even twenty-four hours after Sawyer’s and Ash’s date that I wound up hurt. What if Sawyer was the one who did this? What if he was the one who made Sabrina’s death look like a suicide by hanging?
Sawyer loved Sabrina, but sometimes love pushed you over the edge. Sometimes love made you crazy, blinded you until you couldn’t think or see straight. Sometimes people in love, even familial love, did stupid things in its name.
“You should go and make sure Ash is okay,” I said. He’d told me she hurt her thumb, but he refused to tell me how. If she fought someone off, she was in danger. I would not let Ash get hurt because of me. If Sawyer wanted to finish me off…let him try. I was tired of sitting back and waiting, tired of the constant notes and nooses taped to the door. I was tired of the looks and the way everyone attacked me online.
I was just done. I wanted to be done with it—which wasn’t to say I was giving up. I was going to face it, face this mess, how I should’ve from the beginning: like a man. Like someone who had nothing to hide.
Because I didn’t. I had absolutely nothing to hide, and Sawyer needed to realize it.
And if Sawyer wasn’t the one who hurt me, who staged my own little suicide, well…I guess we’d get to it when we got to it. One thing was for certain, though. I did not want Dad involved in any of this.
Will looked at me strangely. “I’m sure she’s fine. You’re the one in the hospital. She had a dislocated thumb; you were the one who almost died, Declan. Not her.” His words were true, but they didn’t make me feel any better.
Ash was the only thing keeping me so alert right now, even though my body craved another long nap. I’d gotten a blood transfusion, along with a lot of IV fluids. Who knew almost dying was so exhausting?
“I’m under surveillance,” I reminded him. “Ash…” She wasn’t. There were cameras in the dorm building, but not everywhere. Not lining each and every hall; just the main ones. I was safer here than she was there; that much I knew without a doubt. If Will wanted to argue me on it, he could go right ahead. He’d never convince me of anything.
Will studied me, his hazel eyes softening as he whispered, “You care for her.” He didn’t accuse me of it, didn’t question me. He spoke it as a fact, as if he already knew, which was ridiculous, since he hadn’t seen us together. Not while the both of us were conscious, anyway. Hell, I’d never even brought Will up to her. Until last night, Ash had no idea Will existed.
I supposed I could’ve lied. I could’ve told Will she was only my roommate, that she meant nothing to me, but over the last month or so, it had spiraled. My feelings for her. I didn’t want to be friends with her because I knew where it would lead. I tried my best to keep myself away from her, but it didn’t work out. I did care for her; I cared for her more than a friend probably should.
“I do,” I whispered softly, picturing her smile, her storm grey eyes perfectly. How her short blonde and pink hair swayed when she shook her head. Her confidence, her easy way of being. How she felt nestled against my body as we lay there… Knowing how she felt was not something I should be aware of, but I was.
Her skin was so soft, so smooth, without a flaw or a scar.
“Be careful with her,” Will advised, causing me to sharply glance at him. “She’s smart. Not that I didn’t think Sabrina was smart, but…she has a different way about her. She might do nothing but hurt you, you know.” Warning me against liking her, against caring for her.
Obviously I knew she could hurt me. Obviously I knew I probably couldn’t take another broken heart, but did that stop me from developing these feelings? No. No it didn’t, and I hated myself all the more for it.
When I said nothing, Will let out a sigh. “I suppose I could visit her, make sure she’s all right.” I instantly perked up, and he laughed. There was the brother I was used to: kind and generous, always smiling. “And then I’ll be back, with some breakfast.”
“Breakfast does sound good,” I told him, watching as he got to his feet. “But take your time making sure she’s okay. I’d be fine with lunch, too.” I grinned back at him.
He was about to say something, but he stopped himself. His gaze met mine, and he only said, “I’ll be back, Declan.” I gave him a nod, silent as he left the room, leaving me alone.
