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Sometimes…sometimes things were easier when you were with someone else. Sometimes having someone there for you meant all the difference. I knew this was a night that could never be repeated, but I didn’t care. Sometimes it was best to forget certain things.
In the darkness, I found myself forcing a smile. “I’m fine,” I said, lying. I was lying an awful lot lately. I’d say Hillcrest was making a monster out of me, but that’d be another lie. I was a monster long before I stepped foot here.
“If you say so,” Declan whispered.
I closed my eyes, willing myself to go to sleep. I didn’t need to lay awake here all night; I had classes tomorrow. I found it was easier to get drowsy when I tuned out what just happened. No nightmare, no panic attack. Nothing out of the ordinary. I was just sleeping in Declan’s bed for fun, because we were roomies and this was what roomies sometimes did.
Another lie, but it was one I would keep telling myself.
Morning came after a while, the light of dawn creeping in through the window above the bed. Sometime during the night I had fallen asleep, which was just nuts to me. I’d actually fallen asleep on my side with Declan’s arm around me and his front spooning me. Realizing that we were in much the same position as we were last night, it wasn’t the worst thing.
The best thing, though? That was the telltale hardness pressing against my lower back and my ass. Declan was sporting some pretty hard morning wood. Another girl who’d been expecting nothing but cuddles might’ve been offended, but I knew how male bodies worked. Plus, I was a bit of a tease, purposefully rubbing my butt along it once I noticed it.
Declan was still asleep, but he managed to murmur, slurring his words, “Stop it…” And then he said another word that made this so much worse, a word that made my ass-wiggling cease instantaneously: “Sabrina.”
Well hot damn. If there was a better mood killer out there, I’d yet to hear it. This was…this was both unsettling and unsurprising. If I reminded him of Sabrina, of course he’s going to picture holding her when he’s holding me. It shouldn’t upset me.
And it didn’t, I thought.
I wasn’t upset. I was completely fine. A-Okay.
I bit my lower lip, resisting my urge to tell him I wasn’t Sabrina. He might not even remember saying it once he woke up, and if that was the case, I’d rather avoid the awkward can of worms altogether. Call me selfish. So instead of saying anything, I stilled, waiting until Declan got up on his own. Might have to wait a few more hours, might have to miss my morning class, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
I know. Skipping class? Who was I, some kind of student at a local, inexpensive college? I’d done a bit of math, calculating how much each and every class period cost to enroll here. Granted, I wasn’t paying it out, but still. For the other students, it was…a lot of money. Let’s just say one semester at HU could buy you a nice, intricately detailed sportscar.
Yes, it was that expensive. Yes, I wish I was joking.
Time was slow, and I was practically itching to leap out of the bed when Declan began to stir behind me. The arm around me moved, and he set his hand on my upper hip, his fingers curling into me as they found the bare skin between my shirt and shorts. Such sensitive skin, you’d think with the way I shivered in response I’d never been touched there.
When I heard him groan, still fighting to go back to sleep, I couldn’t take it anymore. Even though he held onto my hip, I turned, moving onto my back so I could look at him. Hopefully seeing my face would make him realize I wasn’t Sabrina, this wasn’t a second chance at his lost love. I was…I was me.
After last night, that sentence rang hollow. Sometimes I didn’t want to be me.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” I spoke, grinning. We both had bad morning breath, so there was nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. And, thankfully, the morning wood situation was nearly gone. Nearly, but not one hundred percent. I still felt a bit of it poking my upper thigh.
Declan blinked a hell of a lot, finally focusing on me, finally realizing who he was holding onto. His hand could not have flown off me faster. He rolled away from me, falling off the bed and onto the floor. “Crap,” he muttered, meeting my gaze sheepishly. He was quick to set his hands on his lap, covering his semi-erect dick. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
Lest he go on and on about it, I spoke as I sat up, immediately missing the warmth of his bed and his sheets, “It’s okay, Declan. Nothing happened. You’re fine.” If he didn’t remember the whole calling me Sabrina thing, I wasn’t about to bring it up, otherwise I’d only depress and freak him out more. “I’m fine,” I added, sliding out of his bed.
Declan didn’t move from his spot on the floor. Whether that was because he was too self-conscious about his hard-on or what, I didn’t know. I had to get ready for class anyway. I walked by him, patting him on the head.
“Stop worrying. Everything is fine. Just because we slept in the same bed doesn’t mean we’re besties now. You and your moodiness are safe.” I went to my closet to pick an outfit, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anything more.
Why did Declan calling me Sabrina hurt so much? It wasn’t like I wanted to date him. I might’ve had a teeny, weeny crush on him, but that was it. No more, nothing real, nothing too deep. I shouldn’t care that he called me Sabrina when he was mostly asleep. Of course his subconscious was going to think about her still; she was torn from him in a horrible, brutal way. I bet he’d never get over her.
That…that thought hurt me more than I was willing to admit.
Chapter Seventeen – Sawyer
I sat on a hard, unwelcoming chair in one of the common areas of Hampton Hall, where the psychology classes were taught. I might’ve had to go back to scheduling and done a bit more persuading to get a peek at Ash’s schedule, but I was here now, and that’s all that mattered. I knew her schedule like I knew my own. I had zero classes with her, so seeing her around campus had been next to impossible. Once I saw her schedule, it wasn’t a wonder why I never saw her around. She was always on the opposite side of campus from me.
My legs were crossed, and I had a notebook on my lap, a black ink pen in my hand. I doodled absentmindedly, not really watching what I was drawing as I waited for time to pass. Ten minutes and Ash’s class would let out, and I’d talk to her, beg her to give me another chance. The Declan front had been quiet, too quiet—and after what she did at my party…she needed a bit of payback.
Declan was still my primary focus, don’t get me wrong, but Ash had found herself on my shit list right beside him. Kneeing me in the goddamn balls…still hurt, when I thought about it. I wasn’t able to have sex for way longer than I’d ever wanted to refrain from it. Anytime I’d thought of sex for the day following, my balls ached in memory. The bitch.
And, because it’d been filmed and practically televised to everyone at Hillcrest, no one could let me forget it. She got you good, man. I’d heard that sentence alone so often in the past few weeks I was ready to shoot whoever said it next. I didn’t have a gun, but I could find one. My money could buy anything.
Ash…if I had to use my money to find her weakness, I would. I was not above using my wealth to play dirty. In fact, playing dirty was the best way to play.
