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“I know. I’m just…”
“Let me fuck you, Rook,” he whispered into his ear. “I wanna fuck you so bad right now.”
Ryan brought his hands around to Hayes’s chest and pushed him gently up and off him. “I can’t do that.”
Hayes sighed, rolling his eyes. “You won’t touch me, you won’t let me fuck you. What can I do?”
“I’m…sorry. I’m just really nervous about…all this, Hayes.”
“Fine. Well,” he said, getting onto his knees on the bed next to Ryan. He grabbed his cock in one hand and ran his fingers all over Ryan’s abs with the other. “Guess I’ll just take care of it myself.” Ryan watched him as he jerked himself off while touching and staring at him. “Your fuckin’ body, Rook. Fuck. It’s perfect.” He gave himself a few quick tugs, pressed his cock against Ryan’s abs, and moaned loudly as he shot off all over his stomach.
Without a word, Hayes went to the bathroom and came back with a towel. He chucked it at Ryan, who cleaned himself up as Hayes pulled his boxers and sweatpants back on.
“Never think of this when you’re drying your face with a hotel towel, do you?” Ryan joked, but Hayes didn’t respond. He climbed into the other bed, pulled the covers over him, and turned his back towards Ryan. “Hayes? I’m sorry…”
“It’s fine, man,” he interrupted. “I’m just tired. Long day. Get the light.”
Ryan turned the light off and lay there staring at the ceiling. He knew he fucked up; he wanted so badly to play with Hayes more, but he got inside his own head. For God’s sake, the kid had sucked his dick and he couldn’t even help him out with a hand job?
Way to go, Baylor.
He couldn’t fall asleep; he just kept tossing and turning, thinking about how he’d messed up. Unable to take it anymore, he got up and stood between the beds, trying to work up the nerve to climb in next to him. He found himself pacing again, frustratedly running his fingers through his hair.
Finally, he heard, “Rook, stop bein’ a twat and get in the fuckin’ bed already.”
Hayes lifted the covers and Ryan slid in behind him, pressing his chest against his back. He wrapped an arm around the front of him and swung his leg over Hayes’s legs, with Hayes immediately resting his hand on top of it. He leaned forward and gave him a few quick kisses on the shoulder. “I like this, Hayes. I like being with you like this.”
“Me too, Rook.” He sighed loudly. “Will anyone else though?"
Number 47 (36)
Christmas.
Christmas was in three days.
This year was flying by, and Ryan could hardly process all that’d happened in the past few months.
For one, there was Amara and Jake. The two of them were spending an absurd amount of time together, and there had been several nights that she hadn’t come home, about which Ryan confronted her.
“Listen, could you give me a heads-up if you’re staying out?” he’d asked her one night as they sat eating dinner together at the dining room table.
“Yes, Dad. I’m sorry.”
“Stop it. I worry about you, and I wait up for you. If I don’t hear you come home, I can’t sleep. And I don’t wanna start blowing up your phone while you’re…you know.” He pushed his food around on his plate with his fork. “Just please shoot me a quick text if you’re staying out, OK?”
“I can do that.”
Things had somewhat returned to normal between them since their talk on the night of Hayes’s birthday in the sense that they hadn’t had sex or fought, both of which were praise-worthy accomplishments for the doomed duo. It wasn’t that he was over her; hell, he’d probably never be. They were just distracted from one another, as both their attentions were currently focused elsewhere, with hers on Jake and his on Hayes.
Hayes.
That was another story altogether. After they spent the night together in the hotel room, things had been tumultuous, to say the least. Ryan woke up alone the next morning, with Hayes having moved to the other bed at some point during the night.
“Mar wasn’t playin’. Like, are you OK? I don’t think a human being should snore like that, man,” Hayes had told him when he’d asked why he moved. “Thank God I had a fuckin’ old pair of earplugs in my bag or I’d have choked you unconscious.”
Ryan knew there was more to it than that, but he didn’t press the issue. In the two weeks that had passed, there were no discussions of “What is this?” or “What are we?” They’d since hooked up a handful of times more, each time with Hayes pressing Ryan to fuck, and each time with Ryan completely punking out.
“You know, for such a sex god, you’re awfully shy around me,” Hayes had said, zipping up his pants after they’d jerked each other off in the back seat of Hayes’s truck. He’d reached over and grabbed Ryan’s hand. “Rook, do you even like hookin’ up with me?”
