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“Let’s just agree to give it our best shot, OK?” Ryan had told him, as they exited the car. Jake pulled Hayes aside before he left Ryan alone to check him into the facility.
“Hayes? I come from a long line of alcoholics. I know how much you love Ryan, but you don’t do this for anyone else. Do it for you, OK? Yes, we all love you, but this has to be a decision that you make for yourself. Get better for you, and then the rest of it will fall into place. Besides, your nephew is gonna need his Uncle Ty around to teach him how to play hockey.” Jake teared up as Hayes wrapped his arms around him and squeezed.
“And I’ll be there for him. Every fuckin’ step, man. I promise.”
His detox had started that very day, right after Ryan had left, and it had been excruciating.
Grueling.
Savage.
He’d sworn on numerous occasions that he wasn’t going to make it through, that he’d just rather roll over and die.
The stomach pain. The sweats. The shakes. The vomit.
So much vomit.
The night terrors. The constant, nagging feeling of having ended up a failure in every single aspect of his life.
They were giving him a combination of buprenorphine and naloxone to minimize the withdrawal symptoms, but it wasn’t really doing a whole lot.
He’d wanted to give up more times than he could count.
But that wasn’t Tyler Hayes’s style.
Tyler Hayes was a goddamn fighter.
And fight he did.
Just like the counselors told him he would, he’d come out alive on the other side of it. However, when he’d found out that the new drugs were going to be continually administered to him at a lower dosage until he was able to wean off completely, he’d argued fiercely with the medical staff. He insisted on wanting to go completely cold turkey, but they said it wasn’t an option.
“What’s the actual fuckin’ point of comin’ off one drug just so you guys can get me addicted to two more? Makes zero fuckin’ sense, lady!”
“Listen, I understand you’re upset, but this is how things are done here, Tyler,” the doctor had told him. “We do what we know works, what’s been proven to work. Not to mention, you need to adhere to the NHLPA player assistance program’s guidelines if you wanna even think about getting back on that ice anytime soon. So, enough with the mouth. How about you just let us save your life, OK?”
???
Ryan sat on the opposite side of the couch from Hayes, both across the room from Dr. Rosa. It was Christmas Eve and also the very first day of family therapy for Hayes and Ryan. The session was going well, as Dr. Rosa attempted to acquaint herself with the dynamic between these two young men.
“Ryan, thank you for being here for Hayes. It’s become very clear to me over our past two sessions that you’re an extremely critical part of his life, and I know this must be difficult for you. Your support is to be commended.”
“He’s not a part of my life,” Hayes corrected. “He is my life.“
“Well, I understand you’re broken up at the moment. I have to ask, though: is the ultimate goal that the two of you will get back together at some point, or should I take the approach I would take for a friendship or other familial bond? I’m just curious as to how I should treat this relationship in order to maximize our progress.”
At that exact moment, Hayes and Ryan both turned to look at each other.
“That’s the goal for me,” Hayes replied, eyes still glued to Ryan’s. “Rook?”
Ryan, without a word, nodded slightly.
And Hayes’s heart damn near exploded out of his chest.
She explained to them that she liked to keep these sessions brief, at no more than 30 minutes a few times a week, or for them, whenever the Lightning’s schedule allowed. For this first meeting, she walked them through a discussion about how both of their addictions affected their relationship and some of the problems it had caused, one of which was the threesome with Sev Kirscher.
“Ryan, even though you’re in recovery, you’re still very much a sex addict,” Dr. Rosa explained. “That isn’t something that just goes away. Like any other chronic disease, addiction can be treated but never cured, and that’s why it was so important for you two to understand and respect each other’s potential triggers.
“Hayes, you’re in a relationship with a sex addict. Presenting the opportunity to bring another person into the relationship ‘just this once’ is the equivalent of Ryan presenting you with a little bit of heroin ‘just this once.’ It’s something that I recommend not happen again.”
