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“You mind letting us out of the elevator so we can get this over with?”
Cash stepped to the side, humor fading, brotherhood seeping in.
“I’ll be right outside the door. If you need me, holler.”
Hand-in-hand, we followed Cash down the basement corridor. He stopped at the end in front of the room we’d put Anna in. An interrogation room might not have been the coziest place for a mother-daughter reunion but there was zero chance Anna was making it upstairs into the office.
“Ready?” I asked.
My gorgeous girl looked up at me, blew out a breath, and nodded.
I opened the door, entered first, keeping Nebraska behind me.
I didn’t need to see Nebraska to know when it happened. I didn’t need to hear the swift intake of oxygen that whistled past her teeth. I didn’t need to feel her hand in mine squeeze so tightly I courted broken bones, to know the exact moment when she saw her mother.
The air charged, the static crackled, the room sizzled.
I slowly shifted to look at Nebraska.
Grief and pain and longing, stark on her face.
Both women were frozen, suspended in a place that I would never fully understand. I was teetering on the edge of regret for allowing this to happen so soon. I should’ve taken time with Nebraska upstairs, prepared her, made sure she was where she needed to be before taking her to Anna. Instead, I was so hellbent on keeping my promise I hadn’t stop to think of the repercussions.
“I’m…I’m…” Anna broke the silence. “I’m so sorry.”
Nebraska startled.
Anna unraveled.
“I should’ve taken you with me. When your father found me, I should’ve packed you up and ran. But I was terrified he’d find me and you’d be with me. The day I called Charlie and told him what I was going to do, I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I knew there’d be no going back. He begged me not to do it. He promised he’d take care of it. But I was so scared, so sure that if Dmitri found me he’d take you, I couldn’t chance it. I had to keep you safe. I had to! Charlie loved us. Even before you went to live with him he loved you like crazy, loved you because you were mine. I knew he’d never let anything happen to you. I knew you were safer with me gone.”
Anna paused, looked to her feet, and shook her head. Nebraska leaned closer, tucked herself under my arm, and wrapped an arm around my stomach. When Anna’s eyes lifted they locked on her daughter. With another shake of her head she finished.
“I was too weak to see past my fear. Too weak to believe Charlie would make us safe and keep us together. I was terrified of losing you to Dmitri so I lost you a different way. A way I could control. If I couldn’t have you I needed to know you were safe and loved and taken care of and not with a monster. I don’t regret loving you enough to walk away to protect you. But I will never forgive myself for being so weak I didn’t stay and fight for you.”
Nebraska pressed closer, her cheek firm against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly, holding on for dear life. I did the only thing I could do and stood strong, giving her what she needed while she fought a battle I couldn’t fight for her. I wanted to. I wanted to shuffle her out of the room, get her to safety, but that option was not available to me.
“Why didn’t you come back?” Nebraska’s question was nothing more than a whisper.
But Anna heard.
“I did. So many times. So weak I couldn’t stay away even though I knew every time I got close I was bringing danger with me. Watching you graduate high school and not be the one you ran to and hugged after you got your diploma killed.”
The brokenness in Anna’s tone was testament to the truth behind her words. She sounded wounded.
“Seeing you graduate college, so beautiful, so happy, tossing your cap into the air, laughing with your friends after, and not being the one who you were smiling at was worse than a thousand knives to my heart. But I didn’t earn that, Charlie did. I was an outsider watching my daughter, like a crazed stalker catching glimpses of you when I could. Getting close enough to hear your voice, close enough to touch you, but too terrified to show myself.”
“What?”
“I’m weak, Nebraska. I should’ve taken you with me or I should’ve taken out Dmitri sooner. But he was in too deep, his death would’ve been avenged. They wouldn’t have stopped until they found me. They would’ve taken you and I couldn’t ever let that happen.”
The they was the Russian Mob. And Anna wasn’t wrong. They would’ve hunted down Dmitri’s killer and they wouldn’t have stopped until they found her. If Nebraska was with Anna, they’d either kill her or take her, the second of those options worse. A beautiful young girl… I couldn’t bring myself to even think of the horror that would’ve become Nebraska’s life without feeling murderous.
But something struck me.
“Sooner?” I interrupted to ask.
“With Maddon making his plays I knew he’d go to Dmitri. I couldn’t let that happen.”
