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“Thank you, P.”
“You’re welcome. Now what do you say we find you a groom and get you re-hitched.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
Elle’s wedding party consists of Noah and me. Quinn is the officiant again. He loved doing it the first time and said it was only right that he did it the second time as well. Elle wasn’t going to argue with him. I always thought she’d be a bridezilla, but she’s been so laid back and I think her attitude has a lot to do with the fact she and Ben are already married.
When Ben asked Noah to be his best man, there wasn’t some grand gesture or heartfelt speech given, it was hey man and then they hugged. After Quinn, Noah is the closest person Ben has. He hasn't talked to his brother much, not since Ben’s cancer diagnosis. The family dynamic saddens me only because we’re so close. I can’t imagine not speaking to Elle and Quinn every day, even when it’s by text message.
I walk along the path, in between rows of grapevines, and turn toward the altar where Ben, Quinn, and my husband stand. Behind them is the Pacific Ocean, its blue water and frothy waves lapping over each other until they get to the shore. This is exactly what my sister wanted, to see the ocean, to feel the mist, and to hear the sounds of the waves while she married Ben.
Noah smiles when he sees me, and my insides turn to goo. He’s so fucking hot in his tuxedo, with the waves in his hair blowing in the wind. Noah makes my knees weak and my stomach flip flop with anticipation. If I wasn’t already pregnant, I would be by the way he’s staring at me now.
God, he’s gorgeous.
My steps are slow, mostly because I can’t take my eyes off Noah. I want to take him home and do things to him, which seems silly since I can have him anytime I want. Above me, a bird squawks, breaking my eye contact with Noah. I smile at Ben, then my brother, and finish my walk.
Mom comes down the aisle next, escorted by Liam. I seek out my mother-in-law and wonder if my expression when looking at her son is the same as hers when she watches her husband. What is it with these Westbury men?
The music shifts and everyone stands. The melody Elle walks to is of Quinn playing the guitar. She told me she caught him playing it one day and recorded him, thankful she had because he hadn’t written down any of the notes or chords. Quinn took the recording, played what he had created, and recorded it for Elle. The sound is soothing, almost like a lullaby.
My attention turns to Ben. I want to see his expression when my sister comes into view. I watch him as he waits for her. His gasp comes before his lips turn upward and then turn into a quiver. Ben needs this. He needs to have this moment with his bride. Honestly, Elle does as well. They didn’t have this at their first wedding, given Ben was still in hospital. My hope for them, in this moment, is for time to stand still so they can take each other in. Married or not, this is different for them.
They deserve this.
Dad nudges Elle to move forward and she looks up at him and smiles. They reach Quinn, who clears his throat. Those of us who know him, laugh. He takes his role as officiant very seriously.
“We are gathered here today, among the grapes, the ocean, and the birds, to witness the vow renewal of Elle and Ben. For those who don’t know, I already married these two once before. However, anyone who knows my sister, knows she likes presents and being the center of attention, so here we are.”
“Very funny, Quinny,” Elle says while everyone around her laughs.
He clears his throat again. “All jokes aside. I’m happy to stand here and guide my sister and one of my best friends toward their happily ever after. I do so with honor and privilege, and I thank them for choosing me.” Quinn looks out at everyone. “Who stands for Elle as she takes the next steps in renewing her vows to Ben?”
“Her mother and I do,” Dad says as he gives Elle’s hand to Ben.
“Thank you, Daddy.” Elle kisses him on the cheek and then steps next to Quinn, facing Ben. He dabs at his eyes and Noah hands him a handkerchief.
Quinn continues with his elegantly written passages. His words about love and family aren’t lost on me, but don’t exactly have my attention. My focus is on my husband and the baby growing in my belly. Next month, we’ll see our son or daughter for the first time, and we’ll find out what we’re having. I still haven’t decided how we’ll do a gender reveal but do know it’s going to be something we tell people, in our own way, and when we’re ready. For all I know, I’ll blab the moment I find out.
Elle and Ben exchange vows, kiss, and, despite this being their vow renewal, they walk down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife. Noah and I follow, loving every minute of the celebration in front of us.
24
NOAH
Waiting around to return to Portland for the season is like waiting to see if it’s going to snow in California in the summer. You know the latter isn’t going to happen, but that doesn’t make the waiting any less painful.
Every day when I turn on ESPN, they’re rubbing it in my face that the Pioneers have drafted another quarterback. Some joker of a sportscaster, who has probably never played a down outside of high school, seems to know more about my career than I do, and has no problem telling everyone who tunes into his show about it. He says I’m done in Portland. The shitty thing is, he’s probably right. The even shittier thing is, I don’t seem to care.
I don’t know when it happened—when I lost the love of the game—but it’s gone. I always told myself that when the game became a chore, I’d quit. Right now, it feels like a chore. However, I love my teammates, and I hate the idea that I might be letting them down. Sure, they’d survive. Some would even move on to another team, but to up and quit seems like I’m breaking up with them.
The thing is, if they retired or got traded, they wouldn’t stop to consider my feelings. They’d expect me to move on to the next running back, wide receiver, or linebacker. It’s rare for players to spend ten or fifteen years in the league and those that have, have escaped severe injuries. Knock on wood, I’ve been lucky. I’ve had a couple concussions, nothing major, but still enough to make me stop and ask myself if this is how I want to continue.
Is football everything?
This question is the easiest one I can answer right now. No, it’s not. Peyton and the baby are everything. Honestly, I sort of like the idea of being home with them or always being around. Peyton shouldn’t have to raise our baby by herself and while I know a lot of moms or dads do while the other works, we don’t have to, thanks to our parents and my career. Over the years, I invested well. My dad helped me find someone to handle my money and in my rookie year, I lived off what I called an allowance. I didn’t do anything extravagant. I made smart decisions and have continued to do so.
Peyton’s done the same. And the more she leans toward not returning to work, the more I want to stay home with her. Or find something else to do because she may maim me if I’m in her space all day.
