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“We dance together.”
“And that’s not enough?”
“Not without love, no. It’s not enough.”
He nodded. “I get it. It’s still too soon for you. Spring is a long way off.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“It will always be too soon for me, Nicolás. I’m never going to want the house up the hill, or the children, or the safety of a man at my side. I would rather—”
“Rather what?”
She couldn’t reveal her heart to him, though she would love to send him away with his tail between his legs. That time would come. “I would rather take my chances and travel the world.”
He stood and started walking towards the houses, then stopped. “You know, maybe you should just go. And when you see that life isn’t greener.” He motioned to the distance. “In a month or maybe two, if you last that long, don’t think I will still be here waiting for you.”
Aisha stood and put her hands on her hips. “You know, I think I will.” He stepped towards her. His stale breath brushed her cheek, and the line of his jaw became more pronounced. He could scare her, but she wouldn’t back down.
“I’ll let you tell your parents, and they can find you another man to marry.” He turned away.
“Don’t threaten me.”
“I hear Pedro is still looking for a wife,” he said and stormed off.
She watched him go, and the trembling inside grew stronger, because he was right. If it wasn’t him, her parents would find someone else. He could and would move on, as he had after Esme. He would be vindicated by her desertion of him. She couldn’t change who she was. And having been with Gabi in the most intimate ways and tasted the reality as so much more than she’d dreamed of, she wouldn’t betray her or them. She leaned back against the tree, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply. “Verde que te quiero verde. Verde viento. Verdes ramas.” The grass was greener, and she would see it. The excitement that came when she thought about Gabi gave way to fear again, swifter than the sun dried the rain in summer, as she considered how she might start a conversation with her mama and papa.
25.
“CARIÑO COME AND SIT down. There is a nice breakfast. I can make you eggs if you like.”
“I’m not hungry.” Gabi had struggled to eat anything since discovering that Aisha was engaged to the greasy-haired, flashy fuckwit that she now hated with a vengeance. As the week had passed, with that tick, tock feeling she’d had as a child, she’d become more convinced that the engagement hadn’t been what Aisha wanted.
Gabi had wandered around the streets for hours in a trance, earlier in the week, sat in the coffee shop Aisha had taken her to, and even visited the Alhambra on the bus. Suffering the stench on the bus had been awful that day, and she’d walked along the river in the vain hope of seeing Aisha. All those hours had reminded her of what she missed and drinking herself into a stupor helped blot out the reality for long enough to get some sleep. But the mornings threw light on the truth, and that brought tears and confusion.
She’d walked past the group on Saturday, hoping to get a moment to speak to Aisha alone. There had been something different in the way Aisha had danced. Still with passion but distanced from the crowd and her movements tighter, angrier. The onlookers cheered and clapped loudly. They wouldn’t have noticed the subtlety that Gabi had. Gabi hadn’t been able to connect with the music and watching him guarding Aisha closely had fuelled her wrath, so she’d slipped away through the crowd before either of them could catch sight of her.
She’d berated herself for not trying to find a way to get to Aisha, but how could she set herself up for further rejection when her heart was raw? She could hardly front up to Aisha with that smarmy bastard listening to their conversation. He would pick up on the strain between her and Aisha, she was sure. He would relay everything back to Pilar the Hun, and she didn’t want to cause Aisha any more grief than she already had. She had no idea what the Hun might be capable of, but her gut and the way Pilar had looked at Gabi told her that she’d do almost anything to make sure Aisha got married. It wasn’t a mother’s love, it was matriarchal control, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth and an uneasy feeling in her stomach that had vied with the daily hangover ever since.
“I’m not asking you, Gabriela. Sit down.”
Gabi sat and felt like an inconsolable child that had lost its favourite toy and become petulant. She deserved to voice her moodiness. Who wouldn’t under the circumstances?
Nana stood. “Drink the juice. It’s Pablo’s oranges, and they are excelente.”
Gabi didn’t give a fuck about the oranges. She sipped, and the juice chilled her mouth. She expected acid and found sweet, and it was pleasant. Her head throbbed, as it had all week. A regular feature of her greeting the day, and she hated herself for how quickly she’d reverted to her old drinking habit to drown out what she couldn’t deal with. One custom she had changed was the one-night stands. Sex with any other woman wasn’t on the cards while she felt the way she did, though she had been approached at the bars she’d frequented. One woman, she couldn’t even remember what she looked like, had sat at Gabi’s table, and Gabi had quickly excused herself to avoid conversation, preferring to wallow in her anguish alone. That’s how she knew her heart was broken, and it’s how she knew she wasn’t finished with Aisha.
“I’ll make eggs,” Nana said.
Gabi was over the shock now, just pissed off and very, very sad. She held back the tears as Nana cooked. But her eyes had become like the bloody fountains, spouting water day and night whenever she thought about Aisha, which was pretty much all her waking hours. Aisha had been the best thing that had ever happened to her. She recalled their first missed meeting at the fountain. She knew why Aisha hadn’t come back for her this time, when Aisha knew exactly where to find her. Because she couldn’t get away. She was virtually a prisoner within her own community.
Gabi had taken the bus to Aisha’s house yesterday in a fit of needing to do something to stop the pain of uncertainty ripping her apart. She had no plan. She’d watched from a distance and saw Aisha sitting next to Nicolás under the tree in the field. Pilar the Hun waved and smiled at them. He put his arm around Aisha. She pulled away. Gabi couldn’t read Aisha’s confusing body language, but she’d realised that she couldn’t just turn up at Aisha’s house. It wouldn’t be a warm welcome. And what would she do? Take flowers and congratulate Aisha on her engagement? Take a ring and ask her to run away as Aisha had asked her to before he stepped in and blasted Gabi’s happy bubble to smithereens. Fuckwit.
Nana returned with two dishes of eggs, crispy bacon, spicy salsa, and guacamole. She sat and gazed at Gabi. “Cariño, what are we going to do?”
Gabi picked up the fork, prodded the salty bacon and ate it. “I don’t know.”
Nana cut open an egg and spilled the yolk onto the salsa. She collected a small morsel of everything onto her fork and ate it. “Excelente.” She ate another mouthful and dabbed the corners of her lips with a serviette. “There’s something I need to tell you, Gabriela, and I’m not sure if you’re ready to hear it, but I won’t rest until you know the truth, and I hope it might help you with your own situation.”
“You’re going to stay here, aren’t you? I don’t blame you. You have Juan, why would you go back? I have to leave, Nana.”
