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She’d been naïve, again, thinking things were different this time, here, with a woman she didn’t even know. Logic was screaming at her to wake up. Walk away and don’t look back. But logic paled against her heart’s will and left her sat next to a flowing fountain of tears. How many coins would she need to throw in for her wish to come true? She wasn’t the first person in the world to have been stood up or dumped in such a romantic setting.
The ache in her chest deepened, and she thought again about her mum, the absence of her and what she must have missed, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. The child in her wanted to be held and comforted, but as had always been the case, her mum wasn’t there to take away her pain. The voice that had tricked her thoughts about Aisha subsided and the intense sadness eased, leaving her feeling weak and raw.
The walk back to the hotel was long, and when Nana greeted her with a gust of enthusiasm, it didn’t even take a chip off her despondency.
“I was just coming to find you. What’s wrong, Gabriela?”
“Nothing.”
“Ah. Are you sure, cariño? Come and have lunch with me by the pool. We can chat, or maybe a swim will help.”
She wasn’t hungry but the idea of soaking her head in water to cool the burning behind her eyes wasn’t such a bad idea. “Sure.”
Nana picked up her handbag. “Get your swimsuit on.”
Gabi did as she was told, and they made their way to the roof via the hotel reception, where Nana insisted on informing every member of the staff of their lunch plans. She was always so chatty, and the staff seemed to love giving her their attention. The receptionist that Gabi had almost assaulted when she’d thought Nana was in trouble plucked a purple flower from the vase on the desk and handed it to Nana.
“If there is anything we can help you with, please ask,” he said.
Gabi followed Nana into the lift and crossed her arms.
“Would you like to go to a flamenco show one evening? In Sacromonte? That will cheer you up,” Nana said as the lift set off.
“If you want.” Gabi watched the floor numbers light up. She didn’t want to go to Sacromonte. She didn’t want to run into Aisha just in case Aisha had changed her mind. She couldn’t think clearly. Her chin trembled. It took all her effort not to cry again.
“I thought you enjoyed the dancing at the square,” Nana said.
“I did, but there’s loads of other stuff you want to do,” Gabi said.
“How about a visit to the Alhambra?”
“Sure.” Gabi’s optimism had drowned at the fountain, and her lack of enthusiasm came through loud and clear. The sadness that thinking about her mum had elicited was confusing. The feeling was new and the intensity unexpected, and she didn’t know what to do with it to make it go away. She took a deep breath and smiled, though Nana’s deepening frown suggested she hadn’t been fooled.
They reached the pool area, and Nana made her way to the bar to order a selection of tapas. Gabi stripped off her shorts and T-shirt and jumped into the water. She swam to the bottom and tried to sit there, doing her best to burst her lungs. It was impossible. Against her will, she floated to the surface and gasped for air. The ache in her chest was of her own making, and she felt stronger for taking back an element of control. She knocked out a few lengths to vent off some steam, then stepped out of the pool and joined Nana.
“I got you a beer,” Nana said. She took a sip of her sherry and sighed. “Do you know this was the first and only alcoholic drink I ever had before we escaped to England. I was given a small glass that last Christmas to celebrate our journey and new life. Pedro Ximenez is without doubt the best sherry in the world.”
“Do you still miss your parents?” Gabi asked and dried herself down. She sat in the seat next to Nana and flicked her fingers through her hair to style it.
“Sometimes.”
“I miss Mum,” Gabi said. She sipped her drink, and a tear slipped onto her cheek. The view over the city, with its mountainous backdrop was spectacular, and she should be appreciating it because this trip was for Nana’s benefit. But it was hard when the loss was so raw.
Nana took Gabi’s hand and squeezed it. “It was hard for you, and very sad that Pamela never got to see you grow up.”
“Grow up a fuck-up.”
Nana sat upright in the seat and turned to face Gabi. She lifted her sunglasses and stared at her. “Don’t you dare say that. You are kind, and generous, and beautiful, and I will not hear those words from you again. She would have loved you with all her heart.”
Gabi shook her head and wiped her cheeks. “I didn’t realise I missed her until coming here. It’s stupid.”
“Cariño, no, it’s not.” She took Gabi’s hand. “I didn’t expect to feel the way I do, returning after all these years. Memories, feelings, sometimes they come when we don’t expect them. Maybe when we’re ready to face what we couldn’t at the time. Seeing my parent’s graves, being here and thinking about Juan, the loss is stronger than when I was in England, but there is so much joy and love too.” She motioned at their surroundings. “If you stay lost in that tormented mind of yours, you’ll miss all this beauty and its opportunities.”
A second beer helped Gabi relax. Since they were talking, there was another thing that had been niggling her since they’d visited the graveyard. “Was Dad a spy?” she asked. Had he followed in his father’s footsteps? It would explain his behaviour and attitude towards Gabi.
Nana sighed. “No, cariño. I think your father…” She swallowed and pressed her lips together before taking a sip of sherry. “Your father spent his early years with a nanny and at boarding school, then military school after that.”
“I know, but why is he so distant and angry with me?”
