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“Cygnus Dei? Well, I see way too many similarities between what you do and how cults operate to be comfortable with it. Revering certain members as untouchable, unquestionable and unpunishable is a huge red flag, but there are other things, too.” I paused and took a deep breath. As angry as the whole scenario made me, I still wanted to approach the conversation as calmly and rationally as I could.
“The rituals and lore surrounding who you are, and how you operate. Requiring devotees to prove their allegiance by taking risks of some kind—whether it’s cutting off all friends and family and liquidating their assets and donating it to the cause, or it’s carrying out risky hazing rituals or witnessing a murder.
“It’s all designed to make the person feel both invested, and fearful. If a person has no money, no home, and no friends, then they’re going to be dependent on this organization for everything, and therefore far more compliant than if they had other options.
“Likewise, if someone’s an accessory to murder and fears their entire future is at stake if that fact is made public, and an organization has the power to ensure that information stays private, then they’re also likely to be beholden to and infinitely controllable by the organization in the same way. Basically, it’s all about having skin in the game.”
“You’re right; in many ways it is. If one goes down, we all do, so we all have a vested interest in ensuring that nobody goes down, but you’re wrong about the rest. They didn’t witness a murder, remember, they just thought they did.” His voice remained soft and gentle.
“That’s beside the point, either legally or morally. It’s the same as what I said about the collar. It’s all about perception, not just reality. The fact that they thought they witnessed it, is enough to impact their behavior. The guilt alone will be eating the few of them who actually have any modicum of conscience alive. It’s immoral. Big time.”
He let out a long, pained sigh, and squeezed the back of his neck tight, contorting his face as he rolled his neck in small circles.
“Shit. I really shouldn’t be doing this, but what if I told you that we did what we did with the permission of, and in fact, in conjunction with, the relevant authorities?” What?
The furrow in my brow grew deeper. “I’m not following you...”
“Well, let’s say ‘hypothetically’ that the person in question needed to disappear in a way that was public enough to provide witnesses, but private enough to be stage-managed, and that we worked with a certain government agency to provide a way to do that. And let’s say, again, totally in theory, that in doing that, rather than ending a person’s life—despite outward appearances—we were actually part of a plan that saved it.”
If I thought the whole Cygnus Dei thing was weird before, now it was crossing over into totally outlandish comic book territory.
“Not only that, but in this totally fictitious situation, if what we’d done had become public knowledge, it would have put a target on each of our heads, too.”
“I’d say that it sounds like a far-fetched excuse, designed to deceive, manipulate and control, probably borrowed from the plot of a crappy movie or a tacky novel, or dreamed up from one of your over-active imaginations.”
“Fair point. It kind of does. It’s true though, but I know that under the circumstances, it’s a tall order to ask you to believe me, as right now, you probably trust me about as far as you can throw me. Less, even.” It wasn’t really a statement; it was a question.
“Hmm... that would be the logical outcome, given everything that’s happened.”
Bear shrugged. “I totally get it. I probably wouldn’t trust me either, if the situation was switched.”
“Yet, when it comes to you, logic doesn’t seem to be leading my actions—or emotions, for that matter. I mean if it was, there would be no fucking way I’d have just poured out my heart and soul to you—for the record, more so than I ever have to anyone in the world—even after you blatantly rejected me. I always figured myself for having more dignity than that, yet here I am.”
He looked genuinely shocked. “When did I reject you? I would never.”
“What? You literally just did before when I told you I’m in love with you. You skipped the conversation along like the confession never happened.”
“Whoa!” He dropped my hand, and held his up, traffic-cop style. “Wait a minute. First of all, I wasn’t avoiding what you said, but there was a lot happening in the discussion, and of all of it, that seemed the easiest to put to one side for a moment while we dealt with everything else.”
“What do you mean, ‘easy’? There’s nothing easy about being in love with someone I shouldn’t be.”
“To me it’s easy. In fact, it’s a total no-brainer, and one we have the rest of our lives to work out together.” What the hell was he talking about? “Don’t look so confused. Are you serious right now? As in love with you as I am, I figured that all of that was the least of our problems. Largely because it’s not a problem at all. At least it won’t be, once we get past all the other stuff, which brings me back to my point—we needed to deal with the crap so that we could get to the elephant in the room.”
“I’m sorry. What? You… you’re saying you love me?”
He threw his head back and laughed loud and hard. The melodious tinkle took me totally by surprise, and the appearance of the dimple sent the butterflies that had been forming in my stomach into overdrive.
“What’s so funny?” His happiness was infectious, and I couldn’t hold back the smile spreading across my face.
“You are. Are you for real right now? How is that even a question?”
“Of course it’s a question. You never said—”
“Yes, I did. Maybe not in words, but I said it plenty in my actions. Why else would I subject myself to the wrath of literally the most vengeful person on the entire planet, if it wasn’t because I love you? Jesus. The chaos of this entire few weeks has been because I’m in love with you. What other reason would there be to risk everything the way I have? If the whole sprinkler incident wasn’t enough to demonstrate my reckless allegiance to you, I just told you the truth about what you saw that night. That in itself is enough to get me strung up by my neck. Don’t they say that actions speak louder than words?”
“They do say that, but maybe I’m a little hard of hearing when it comes to actions. Words are my thing, don’t forget.”
“Well do you want me to say it again, in words just to be sure?”
