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“As with most cult stories, they were picked up at just the right time. They were looking for something... a different way... an answer to the question ‘Why are we here?’ They were searching for meaning that they couldn’t find within mainstream society. Basically, they were vulnerable.
“They were seduced, quite literally, by the alternative that Winter and Willow—the married couple who founded the cult—offered. They were promised the ultimate antidote to the hamster wheel they’d been trotting on, seemingly without an end in sight, or any real idea of why they were doing it.
“It wasn’t long before they’d sold up everything and moved us—them, my younger brother, Phoenix, and me—to The Range, which was basically a huge farm in the middle of nowhere in the far north of Idaho. They did the whole off-grid thing. Didn’t tell friends and relatives where they were going, and stayed out of contact with the rest of the world for years. They literally seemed to have fallen off the face of the world, selling up everything and taking the contents of their bank accounts with them.”
“Wait, you said they took you and your brother? I thought you had two siblings. A sister, too?”
“I did. I mean, I do, but she was born there. It was one of those ‘free love and don’t worry about the normal constraints put on us by regular society’ type deals. And honestly, we’ve never done a paternity test, as it wouldn’t change anything at this stage, but I’m pretty sure she’s not our dad’s daughter—genetically I mean.”
“Wow. That’s heavy.” He looked understandably shocked and confused. Not that I could blame him. Still, he’d had my hand in both of his since he’d tugged me onto the couch, and hadn’t let go. In fact, he’d been squeezing and releasing it rhythmically the whole time I’d been talking.
“You don’t even know the half of it.”
He probably never would. As it was, I’d already told him more than I had shared with almost anyone on the planet—a fact that was freaking me the fuck out.
“Wait. The Leaders of the Light, wasn’t that a suicide cult?” I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “So how did...?” The words hung in the thick air between us.
“We make it out alive?” He nodded, looking as sick as I felt. “Truthfully, we almost didn’t. I don’t remember all of the details. It was a long time ago, obviously, but I just remember it being like the end of days. The conditions there were bad at the best of times—despite the ‘family’, which was what the disciples were called, pouring every cent they had, and some they didn’t, into Winter and Willow’s pockets. Our existence was basic, and I remember being cold and hungry a lot of the time. Wintertime was especially punishing, as most of the accommodation was nothing more than big old drafty barns.”
“Anyway, it turned out that Willow and Winter were wanted by pretty much every government agency on the planet, including Interpol, and the net was closing in.” I slid a look across to Bear to see if he was still with me. He was.
“My grandparents—my mom’s parents—searched for us for years, diligently following every lead and clue, and eventually received intel that led them to strongly suspect that we were at The Range. They, along with other worried relatives, were working with the FBI and other organizations based on—very much true—concerns of child sexual abuse and neglect.”
“Jesus fuck.” Bear squeezed my hand tighter as the angry words left his lips.
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, and, knowing he would be correctly filling in the blanks in my story, I couldn’t meet his gaze. Deep down I knew I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of—years of therapy had ensured that—but that didn’t stop me from feeling that way a lot of the time, even all these years later.
I still couldn’t look at him, but I wanted to finish what I’d started.
“The FBI raided the place, and seized a number of children, including us. We were released into the custody of our grandparents in what turned out to be the nick of time. Some of the kids we grew up with practically as siblings, and who, for all we know could very well have been our actual siblings, didn’t do so well.”
“Murder suicide, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What about your parents?” His voice was hesitant, almost as though he’d rather not hear the answer, even though he’d asked the question.
“They were totally brainwashed. They wouldn’t leave. A single bullet to the head each. Our grandparents brought us up after that.”
“My God, Honey Bee, I’m so fucking sorry.”
I shrugged.
“Thanks. It is what it is. We’ve been through a lot, the three of us. Actually, some horrific shit, but we’re still here, and we’re grateful. We’re fighters and survivors, and no matter what happens, we just keep on keeping on.”
“I have nothing but admiration for you. That you could go through something as hectic as that, and not only still be here to tell the tale, but to actually be killing the game. Seriously. Props to you.”
“I think you’re overestimating me, but thank you anyway.”
“It’s not possible to overestimate you. You’re incredible. You know that, right?”
Chapter 40
Honey
A deep silence descended on the room, and I finally brought my gaze back to meet Bear’s.
“So what does all of this have to do with us?” He probed gently.
