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He’d feared how trusting she’d been of him.
He’d feared how willing she’d been to save him.
He’d feared her affection.
Now he feared he would never see her again.
He’d caused Gwendolyn so much pain and grief. All because he’d been weak. It wasn’t Iathana’s delay that had led them to this place.
“Fetch her,” she ordered, breaking his trance. She turned to sit on the edge of the tree where he’d found her. “I will wait.”
Sirus’s walk back to the castle was like an eternity that spanned an instant. As he stood before the great doors of Volkov, he paused. Gwendolyn hadn’t cowered at the sight of his war-torn flesh. She hadn’t feared his touch. She’d trusted him. Had faith in him.
The weight of her trust was heavy on his shoulders as he debated. Sirus knew he should not choose for her. His darkest desire was for her to stay, but no matter what he wished, Sirus knew Gwendolyn deserved more than he could give. She was only beginning her life. If she rebuffed Iathana’s invitation, he was not certain she would ever get the chance to enter the Veil again.
A familiar ice began to fill his heart as he entered the castle. Even if Gwendolyn desired to stay, Sirus was sure she would regret it in time. No matter how much he wished to hold her again; to feel the warmth of her bare skin against his own; to kiss her; to breathe the soft scent of lilies deep into his lungs. Her light did not belong here in this castle of ghosts and shadows.
She would always deserve more than a monster.
Chapter Sixteen
Sirus’s voice sounded distant and hollow through the ringing that was growing louder in her ears. Gwen had known something was wrong the moment she’d woken up and found him dressed and hovering at the edge of the bed rather than naked and in it beside her.
The dryad woman had come. Iathana. She was here. It was time to leave.
Gwen wasn’t sure if she was having a panic attack or about to be sick. Sirus had stopped talking, she realized. He stood still at the edge of the bed, looking down at her as she clutched the blanket to her still naked body.
“So that’s it?” she breathed, slowly shifting to the other side of the bed, putting her back to him.
“She will not enter Volkov. She’s asked that I bring you to her.”
Gwen nodded, too numb to do much else. He was sending her away. Just like that.
The reality set on her slowly. How stupid she’d been. She’d known better than to fall in love with him, and she’d gone and done it anyway. Had even hoped he might feel the same about her.
He didn’t want her to stay. Maybe he cared about her and they’d shared something special, but it didn’t mean he loved her. It didn’t mean he wanted her here.
So stupid!
Anger blended with a heavy dose of self-pity replaced Gwen’s despair, spreading through her like wildfire. She clenched her hands into tight fists that made her knuckles crack. Her eyes were coated in a haze of blue speckles.
“You can go,” she told him. Her voice was so cold and empty, it didn’t even sound like her. “I need to get dressed.”
She didn’t hear him budge. “I didn’t expect her to come this soon,” he told her, his tone far softer than her own.
Gwen was glad the dryad had come before she’d made a fool of herself and confessed her love to a man who clearly couldn’t reciprocate it. “It’s fine. We knew she would eventually. It’s good, isn’t it? It’s what you’ve wanted since the beginning. It’s where I’ll be safest, right?” She wrapped the blanket tight around her and went to the wardrobe to dress.
“You will be safe there, yes,” he confirmed.
She wanted to scream.
“So it works out for everyone, then,” she replied, her voice still flat and hollow. She went about dressing. “I’ll be safe, Levian can keep helping me figure out my magicks, and you can go back to your quiet life like none of this ever happened.”
“Gwendolyn.” Her name was racked on his tongue.
She slid her sweater over her head and turned to face him. His expression was mostly stoic, but she’d learn to read him well enough. He was struggling.
“It’s fine,” she said again. If there was one thing Gwen couldn’t bear right now, it was Sirus breaking up with her. Or, worse, telling her it had been fantastic, but he was a vampire and no good for her, blah, blah, blah. No matter what, she was going to end up heartbroken, but at least she could hold on to what few shreds of dignity she had left.
