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“Right.” He pulls out a pack of cigarettes, takes one and offers the rest to me. “You want one?”
I shake my head. “You know I don’t smoke.”
“Yeah, always been the responsible son. Feels good, don’t it?” Putting the cigarette between his lips, he lights it and takes a drag.
“You’re going too far with this thing, man.” I swipe a hand through my hair. I’m usually a patient person, but I have this nagging feeling I’ll lose my cool if he keeps acting like I had an affair with his girlfriend. “Anya was not your girlfriend when I met her. We were strangers who got attracted to each other. How was I supposed to know she was your ex?”
He scoffs. “All of those are fucking excuses. You could have told me the second you met her again and recognized her. You could have told me when you found out the child was yours. Do you know how stupid I felt, convinced her daughter was mine? But all along, she was my brother’s.”
“You’re right, I should have told you. I was afraid you’d act like this, that is why I didn’t say anything sooner. I’m sorry.”
Spencer takes another drag of his cigarette, the embers burning brightly in the darkness. His jaw clenches as he exhales a cloud of smoke, his gaze fixed on the ground.
For a moment, silence hangs heavy between us. My stomach churns relentlessly. Spencer and I used to have the average sibling fights, but it’s never been this serious and nerve-wracking before.
When he finally speaks, his voice is rough with emotion. “Do you have any idea how betrayed I feel, Brandon? Not because you hooked up with Anya. I don’t blame you for that. But it hurts that you thought of me as such an idiot that you couldn’t be honest with me.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off.
“Those nightmares, do you still have them?” His words are laced with bitterness and hurt.
I recoil. “What?”
“How long did you think you could fool everyone in this house, Brandon? You think I didn’t notice how out of it you were? You think I never heard you turning and groaning in your bed at night?”
“You knew?” I stammer.
“Of course I knew. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to give you time.” He pauses and swallows. “But you didn’t even trust me enough to confide in me about that. I feel like I’ve been a useless brother to you. I’ve never been able to do anything when you needed me. I feel like a fucking idiot.”
I take a deep breath, the weight of Spencer's words hitting me like a ton of bricks. Guilt washes over me as I realize how much I've kept from him, how much I've shut him out while dealing with my own struggles
“I know I should have told you,” I whisper, my voice barely above a hoarse murmur. “I never meant to make you feel that way. I was so lost in my own demons, I didn't realize how much I was hurting you in the process.”
Spencer's gaze softens slightly, a flicker of understanding passing through his eyes. He takes one last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out on the ground. “I know, Brandon. And I get it, I really do. But we're brothers, man. We should be there for each other, no matter what.”
My chest constricts with emotion. “You’re right,” is all I can manage to mumble.
“How bad is it?” he asks. “Your nightmares? Have they gotten any better?”
“It’s been a lot better since I met Anya and Kira.” I draw in a breath. “I’m seeing a therapist too.”
“Then it’s good. Knowing you’re better is good.” He straightens up on the swing. “Are you happy?”
I can’t help the smile that stretches my face or the sheer happiness rippling through me. The thought of spending my life with Anya and the girls makes me feel something deeper than happiness. It brings me joy.
“It feels right,” I admit, the weight lifting off my shoulders as I speak the truth I haven’t been able to share with him. “Anya and the girls, they make me happy. They make everything feel complete.”
Spencer nods slowly, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I’m glad to hear that, Brandon. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the tension that once suffocated us now dissipating into the cool evening air. The distant sound of crickets fills the quiet between us.
“I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed me,” Spencer says suddenly, his voice heavy with regret. “I shouldn’t have stayed away. I should have intruded and helped you as much as you needed.”
“It’s okay,” I assure him, reaching out to clap a hand on his shoulder. “We’re here now, and that’s what matters.”
He inclines his head, then stares up at the bed of twinkling stars overhead. “You’re right. It’s useless worrying about the past. All we have is now, and that is all that matters.”
I follow his gaze up to the sky. It’s a beautiful night. There’s a full moon shining brightly, and a soft evening breeze rustles the leaves nonstop.
