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Just this morning, I heard someone say something about me not being married at just fucking twenty-eight. Working as a Navy SEAL is hard enough. Sometimes I’m far away from home for months; most times, I don’t even know if I’ll make it back alive.
It’s terrible enough that I’m not always around to give my daughter all the love she needs, but also committing to a woman when I’ll be away from home most of the time just seems awful to me.
I’m content with dating here and there, and having one-night stands. Whatever little time I have, I prefer to spend it with Alessa and spare a little to go for drinks with my friends in the city, which is only a two-hour drive from here.
“What type of princess is Daddy?” I ask, trying not to move my head fast enough for the crown to drop. She’ll cry if that happens.
She thinks. “Princess Jasmine.”
I fake a frown and clutch my chest. “Princess Jasmine is a girl, Daddy is not.”
“You both have black hair.” She giggles and runs off to her play kitchen. When she returns, she’s holding a tiny kettle. “Make three wishes, Daddy.”
I glare at the kettle. “Will my wishes come true?”
She nods, her blue eyes gleaming with excitement.
My ex-girlfriend had Alessa six years ago, having found out she was pregnant after we’d only dated for two months. There was rumor that she was still seeing her ex secretly. I was quite young then, and becoming a father was the last thing on my mind, but I knew from the second I heard Alessa’s heartbeat that I wanted her to be born. And I’ve never regretted it. Alessa is the prettiest six year-old in the world, the sweetest child you could find, and she loves me unconditionally.
After she was born, her mother abandoned her only four weeks postpartum, and she never came back. I am forever grateful for their unwavering support. As a single dad juggling parenthood and a career as a Navy SEAL, their presence made all the difference in my journey.
“The genie will hear you.” Alessa leans in and whispers. “He’ll make your wishes come true.”
I don’t know how that works, but I close my eyes and pretend to make a wish. When I’m finished, Alessa makes hers.
“I want my daddy to be happy, I want grandma and grandpa to live forever.” She pauses. “I want to have a mommy too.”
My stomach flips and a wave of sadness crashes into me all at once.
I want to have a mommy too.
She’s never said that before, but I always knew she’d wondered why she only has a grandma and not a mother. She’ll never have a mother, not unless her mother returns, but I can’t tell her that.
“Alessa.”
Alessa tears her eyes open at the sound of her grandmother’s voice. “Yes, grandma?” She turns to where my mother is standing by the door. “I was playing with Daddy.”
“Go up and wash your hands, I’ll prepare a snack for you,” my mother says.
“Can I have ice cream too?”
My mother smiles. “You can have anything you want, my love.”
My daughter chuckles and gingerly walks toward the kitchen to wash her hands, repeating, “Grandma will let me have ice cream,” over and over again until she’s completely out of sight.
“She won’t be a child forever,” my mother says, sitting on the couch across from me. “She needs a mother in her life, Brandon.”
Fury boils and burns in my gut, but not at my own mother. No, it's directed towards Alessa's mother, who abandoned her newborn baby so callously. The only thing she left behind was a crumpled note, hastily written with shaky handwriting, stating that she didn't want to be a mother because she wasn't ready. I didn't want to be a father either. I wasn't prepared for this responsibility, but when the time came, I stepped up and took on the role without hesitation. She could have done the same, but instead chose to walk away from her own flesh and blood. My anger simmers as I think of the pain and confusion this must have caused Alessa throughout her life.
“We’ve talked about this already, Mom.”
“I know, I just feel bad for Alessa.” She holds my gaze. “I know this is about the way her mother left, but not everyone is like her. You’ll find a woman who’ll love you and love Alessa too.”
She doesn’t understand. No one ever will. Getting married means I have to be honest and being honest means I have to risk the truth about Alessa.
I can’t do that to her. That truth is a secret I’ll carry to my grave if I have to. “Let’s not talk about this again.”
My mom sighs, but thankfully, she doesn’t push it. “That reminds me, Mr. White asked if you could give him a ride to the city this afternoon. He says he’ll pay for it, and I’ll pack some food for your brother too.”
