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My phone pinged with a message, and my heart jumped as I hoped it was her. It was, but it was just more information about Helen, and it looked like she knew where she was. That was good because I needed a place to have the divorce papers served. I was all set to take out a notice in the paper, which is something my lawyer assured me would be acceptable in our state if the other spouse couldn’t be found to serve.
There was a lot that came to light in the last week or so since we’ve been back, things that I had long suspected but never had the evidence to prove. I guess because I refused to sleep with her, she had to get it from somewhere.
She’d been very careful over the years because she knew that infidelity meant she got nothing in the divorce. As much as I appreciate Alyssa sending me the proof, I would have much rather she had been willing to talk to me.
I didn’t even care about the money at this point; I just wanted my family back. I was only halfway there because my little girl was having one of her snits. If it was that simple, I would wait her out, but I know her; she’s as stubborn as her mother, and those two can hold a grudge.
“Alyssa sent information about Helen’s affairs.” I showed her mother the phone.
“You don’t seem too pleased.”
“It’s not that. I just wish she was contacting me to tell me she forgives me or at least that she was ready to talk.”
The kid knows how to go for the jugular that’s for sure. She laid me bare, and had I not come to the same conclusion as she had, I would’ve been curled up in a ball from the pain of her words and accusations.
I couldn’t even find fault with her logic because everything she said was right. I had blinders on, I guess. During those times, I was forced to put Mitzie before her; I always knew that one day, I would make it right.
That had always been my frame of thought. I overlooked the fact that she was living that hell. She didn’t know that I was playing a waiting game, waiting for the right time to kick Helen and her daughter out of my life and come back to my family.
She had no idea that I hated every second I was married to that woman. All she sees is the fact that I had put those two before her, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to get her to forgive me or even want to be in the same room as me.
My heart hurts each time I think about the fact that she was married now; that meant future children, children I may never get the chance to have a relationship with. I’d already missed so much because of my own stupidity, and I didn’t want to lose anything else.
I tried asking her husband to intervene, but he made it very clear that he was on her side and wouldn’t be talking her into doing anything until she was ready. I guess I should be grateful that she had such a strong, caring man by her side.
I thought when she blocked all of us that it was bad, but now that I’m the only one she refuses to talk to, I finally know what real hell feels like. She was making it clear that she could forgive all the others but not me. I guess her Mom is right, and she’s just hurt, but I’m not sure that that’s all it is.
None of them saw her when she came to my home after the age of twelve when her brothers were all away, and it was just her. That’s when Helen started showing her hate for her, and I did my best to shield her from the worst of it.
I’m obviously not seeking any rewards for that. But part of my pain stems from not knowing how deeply affected she was. In my mind, she was only there every other weekend. I refused to fight for more custody because I didn’t want her to suffer more than that.
But now, in her eyes, I didn’t fight for her because I preferred spending time with Mitzie. The things she’d said both in Cabo and in the letter she sent have cut me deep, but I can’t even be mad because none of it was a lie. The fact that I screwed up my life for a few minutes of passing pleasure that I don’t even remember makes me feel like a damn fool.
But for what I’ve done to my kids, I feel like a monster. Now, I don’t even know if I deserve a second chance with any of them. Not just Gigi, but the boys, their wives and my daughter and her new husband.
Now that I can finally have a family again, I no longer feel like I should be a part of it. It’s obvious from her attitude now that Alyssa will refuse to be anywhere I am, and it wouldn’t be fair to make her miss things in the future.
I said as much to Gigi, which only seemed to upset her which is the last thing I want to do. I’d already put her through hell. And even though for the last ten years or so, she and I had had an understanding, it was still hard for her to watch me go back to a house with another woman who called herself my wife.
I think if I had actually had a relationship with Helen I would be feeling even lower than I do now. So, even though I had kept my word and stayed true to my wife, in my daughter’s eyes, I’d already committed the ultimate sin by screwing Helen in the first place.
“No, we’ll get her back, you watch.”
“How?”
“I don’t know, but look, she sent you this information because she’s thinking of you; she wants to help you.”
If only I could believe that. Lately, I’ve been listening to the kids when they stay up late at night thinking everyone has gone to bed, and there’s a whole other side to my daughter that I knew nothing about. I just hope that half the things I heard them say were made up; otherwise, well, I don’t even want to think what this could mean for me.
ALYSSA
Ididn’t want Garrett’s family to be too involved in my beef with Natalie, but because they lived in the same area and I was halfway across the country, I needed his sister to do some of the leg work for me.
She was more than happy to fill me in on what she knew about Natalie, but I wasn’t interested in knowing the face the other woman showed to the public.
I wanted to get inside her house; I needed to get close to her intimate friends so I could get the real dirt; I just hadn’t figured out how yet, so for now, my sister-in-law Sabrina was my best bet.
I had a plan in mind, of course, but I would have to wait until I went there to put it in motion. In the meantime, a steady stream of gossip between Sabrina and her friends was enough to keep Natalie apprised of what Garrett and I were up to.
