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His tongue goes in and out, every so often moving to my clit where he nips with his teeth just enough to make my hips move faster. He goes back to my opening, slurping at my juices that flow freely. I hate that I can’t control any of it.
I can’t stop the moans coming out of my mouth either when he shoves two fingers inside of me at the same time, then he sucks my clit into his mouth. His other hand clenches onto my butt cheek so hard, it almost goes numb.
“Hawk,” I cry out over and over when he doesn’t stop touching me.
His fingers twist inside of me until he touches the sensitive spot on my front wall. He starts massaging it gently while his lips and tongue give my clit all the attention it never got before.
I come, and I come hard. My vision goes blank, to the point where I think I may have blacked out. My hips continue moving of their own volition, and sobs rip from my chest.
Everything hits me all at once. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. There has been not one thing going well for me for my entire existence. It’s as if someone put a curse on me before I was even born. My parents never expected me to survive the pregnancy, and every year after that was a complete shock to them. They were so into their own lives, drugs and booze, they couldn’t handle taking care of a small child.
Leaving my hometown was the best thing to happen to me, but the events leading to it were traumatic. They threw me out like the trash they considered me to be. That’s how I still see myself despite all the money that I’ve been making.
Sometimes, I think this life is not worth living. What is it for anyway? I am almost twenty-two but feel like I could be sixty-two. I am tired. No one will ever love me. I will never have any children. What am living for?
“Shh, you’re okay now.”
I yelp in surprise at hearing Hawk’s soft murmur in my ear. I never felt him moving from under me. My face is still against the mattress, with my body in the same position as before.
My shoulders shake from the sobs wrecking my body. I don’t want to look at him. It’s all too much. Besides, I’m positive I won’t like anything he’ll tell me. My guess is that he will either turn me in to the people looking for me, or he’ll just skip town and leave me to fend for myself.
Either way, my life as I knew it is over. Any sweet words he now wants to whisper in my ear are useless, and we both know they’re fake.
“Ruby…”
He runs his hand up and down my back, but I recoil from his touch. I can’t deal with it right now. I need a minute to recover and go back to acting like nothing ever bothers me.
Deep down, I’ve always known that I am nothing. The last four years have given me a false sense of security. They tricked my brain into thinking that I have a chance at a better life, that the money I’ve been saving and investing will give me the freedom to get away from it all.
I listen to Hawk as he walks to the adjacent bathroom. It sounds like he’s emptying his bladder before turning the water on and doing whatever else in there.
I take this time to wipe my face and turn over in bed, wincing when I notice the sweatpants in a ball down on the floor, with the tank top laying over them. I feel embarrassed by it all. One would think I’ve never been seen in public with no clothes on.
“Better?” Hawk appears next to the bed.
I shrug but don’t meet his eyes. “There was nothing to feel better from.”
Hawk chuckles and shakes his head before nudging me to move to the side. Since he’s not giving me much choice, I accommodate him. The bed is narrow and there’s not much space for him even after I press myself against the wall on the other side.
He sits down next to me, stretching his legs on the bed. He then, lifts his arm and wraps it around my shoulders before pulling me into him. I fall against his chest, feeling awkward now that the sex part is over.
“I can’t remember the last time I licked pussy,” he says out of nowhere. The tone of his voice is casual, like we’re discussing the weather. “It tasted better than I was remembering.”
I swallow hard just as my eyes fill with sudden tears. It’s humiliating sitting here and listening to him talking about this, but I have no choice but to take it like a chump.
Clearing my voice a couple of times, I try to sound as casual when I speak.
“Glad to hear it didn’t disappoint.”
Hawk starts laughing. He almost sounds unhinged when he does so, and it scares me. At this point, he is as much of a threat as the two men who chased me hours ago.
Adrenaline rushes through my body. I don’t even realize when I start shaking uncontrollably. Everything he does or says gets to me, messes with my head even more.
As if in a dream, I hear Hawk.
“Fuck.”
He pulls me into his arms, tucking me against him and resting his head over mine. Under normal circumstances, I’d think this is the sweetest thing he could do for me. But these are not normal circumstances. He’s already told me under no certain terms that my life is over.
