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“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I try to figure out if it is still dark outside. The dirty curtain in front of the window doesn’t help at all.
Hawk moves his hand around until it rests on my hip before pushing me off him with his other one. He positions me with my knees resting on each side of him while my hands rest on his chest.
“Are you feeling better?”
It takes me a second to process his words. When I finally do, I just nod at him. Hawk smirks and reaches to the crappy nightstand where I see he has a box of condoms. He grabs one and gives it to me.
“Ride me,” he instructs, leaving me no room to argue.
Without saying a word, I get off him for just long enough to take my sweats off. Then, I undo his jeans and tear the wrapper off before sliding the condom slowly onto his cock.
I hop back on the bed, knees framing his hips. I let out a small whimper when he reaches his fingers in between my legs. I am wet, but not like I would be if I had a little more foreplay. Actually, any foreplay, period. Him giving me a condom and telling me to ride him does not count.
“You got this,” he encourages me while sliding two fingers in and out of me.
A couple of pumps later, and he pats my leg in signal to lift myself over him. As soon as I do so, he lifts his hips and pushes right into me. He grunts while doing so, encouraging me to take control of the situation.
He feels a lot tighter than the norm since I am still trying to accommodate his girth. This is not the first time I am having sex without much, if any, prep, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all. But my heart breaks just a little at the realization that even though we’ve been having sex for weeks now, he still sees me just as an available hole, nothing special.
I haven’t accepted any appointments for private sessions since Hawk started booking me. I almost forgot about my life before him, especially once he stopped seeing me outside the club. I ignored the fat envelope full of cash he would leave next to me after each encounter. Once he left, I would take it and add it to my stash under the floorboards.
Now, as my hips undulate over him, real panic takes over. I have all that cash hidden in my apartment. There is no way I will not go back there, and he is crazy if he thinks I won’t. At the same time, I doubt he cares about what I do.
As if he can sense how distracted I am, he pulls me off him, knocking the breath out of me. Before I know it, I find myself on my hands and knees on the rickety bed in the motel room.
Hawk slams back into me with no ceremony, pushing me up on the mattress. My arms buckle and I fall on my face, while my ass is up in the air, with him pushing and pulling to the point of madness.
Under normal circumstances, I would enjoy this. I’d even be close to coming. But I can’t. I just want him to finish and leave me alone for a minute.
All sorts of thoughts enter my mind. I wonder how I can get into my apartment without anyone seeing me. I want to get all my money. I also have a few pieces of clothing that I wouldn’t mind saving.
I’m not sure how long I keep on going in circles in my head, coming up with ways to sneak in, wondering if I need to cancel my lease or if it gets canceled automatically when I stop paying, thinking where I could go next. While I’d been planning on moving to Louisiana, I was not ready yet. But it’ll have to do, just like when I moved down here.
I wonder if I am destined to be forever on the run.
Hawk’s body tenses behind me, and, before long, his movements become more aggressive, like he’s coming.
I remain with my head resting on my arms, eyes closed as I dissociate from the entire experience. This is the worst sex I’ve ever had, and I’m pretty sure it is only because I have feelings for him while he treats me like a hooker. Which, I suppose I am, considering I do have sex with men in exchange for money.
My eyes fill with tears, and sobs threaten to shake my body when he is done and pulls out of me. He gets off the bed and takes care of the condom as I remain on the mattress just as he left me.
I jump in surprise when he suddenly touches my bare skin, running his fingers gently up and down my thigh in a hypnotic move. I never lift my head up or attempt to get off the bed when he reaches my center. The tips of his fingers feel rough against me, making me shiver in a mix of emotions.
“No,” I try to squirm away when his lips make contact.
I’ve never been fond of oral, and it’s never been on the list of things I like to do with clients. In fact, other than my high school boyfriend, I never allowed it. It’s been a hard limit for me as just the mere thought of it would trigger all sorts of emotions inside of me.
Now, as Hawk’s tongue licks at my most intimate part of me, I’m not sure how to react. It is the last thing I thought he’d do once he was done with me. He has never shown any interest in performing oral on me despite the fact that I’ve done it plenty of times on him. Kissing on the mouth has also been off limits with him.
Right from the beginning, he drew a line that neither one of us dared to cross. Until this moment.
I remain immobile on the bed, chest almost flat to the bed and ass up in the air, with a man in whose hands my life is right now licking me clean.
When he notices that I don’t react much to what he’s doing to me, he brings his fingers to my entrance. He runs the tips around the opening, in slow circles that are starting to get to me. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to picture his face as he does all this to me, especially when he drops to his back behind me, then pulls my hips down. This causes me to land on his mouth.
“Oh my god,” I whimper into the mattress.
Memories that are best left forgotten invade my brain, refusing to go away. I want to beg Hawk to stop what he’s doing. At the same time, it feels too good to pass up. My body is tight, and I need the release.
