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And, of course, all of my wine-induced dreams are filled with Vin’s handsome face.
16
VIN
It’s official. I am the world’s biggest jerk. A completely selfish asshole who just crushed the sweetest woman’s heart.
After losing all self-control, causing a scene at the restaurant and then fucking Hannah in the car, I tell her I don’t do relationships or forever. Even though I know that’s exactly what she wants.
“Am I just a game to you? Another notch on your bedpost? Or, do you see a potential future with us?”
Her words still sting but the answer to all of those questions is—has to be—no. I can’t give her what she wants or needs. Being vulnerable once before nearly destroyed me. I refuse to do it again despite hurting us both in the process. At this point, I’m in self-preservation mode.
And, yeah, I am a stubborn fuck. So despite how much this hurts, I’m not changing my mind.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I skip past my endless wine collection and go straight to the top-shelf whiskey. Tonight, I plan to get stinking drunk and I’m going to drink until I stop feeling so awful. I fully plan to pass out on my couch and wish that I’d never crossed paths with Hannah Everson.
No, that’s not completely accurate. Because if I hadn’t won her at that auction, she would’ve been at Caleb Durant’s mercy. And, I don’t think that ruthless sonofabitch possesses an ounce of mercy. Hannah is too sweet to be left to his devices.
Which has me wondering all over again why she went out to dinner with him tonight. I never did get an answer. She clearly didn’t want to be there with him, she looked utterly relieved when I showed up, yet she’d merely said I wouldn’t understand.
Dropping onto my couch, I kick my shoes off then wrestle out of my suit jacket. My hand wraps around the glass of whiskey and I take a nice, long soothing sip. I think I’ve managed to screw everything up so royally between Hannah and I that it’s officially over.
Suddenly, I sit up straighter and curse. What if she quits? Would she do that? Not come back to a job she likes and is good at because of me?
“Fuck,” I hiss. I suppose it won’t be a surprise if I receive a resignation letter from her. And that pisses me off all over again. But, I’m not angry at her. I’m angry at myself for being such a complete idiot and handling everything wrong.
I really couldn’t have done a worse job, I think and take another drink.
“You really suck,” I tell myself. “On an epic level.”
I don’t want to see or talk to anyone, so I turn my phone off and focus all of my attention on feeling sorry for myself. If Hannah doesn’t return to the office, what can I do? Hunt her down and force her to work for me? No, that’s not an option. Although, it is tempting.
God. I shake my head then lean it back and close my eyes as I ponder what a complete madman I’ve become since the night Hannah walked into my life. I’ve always had iron self-control and a logical thought process. But with Hannah, that all goes up in a puff of smoke. She makes me crazy with the need to protect her. I want to make sure she’s okay at all times and I don’t care what rules I have to break or who I need to beat up to make sure she’s cared for.
Speaking of which…
I run my fingers over my face and flinch slightly. That bastard Durant got a few good punches in and there will be bruises tomorrow. Pulling up the edge of my shirt, I look down at my aching side and cringe. Yep, it already looks black and blue.
“Fucker,” I grumble, drop my shirt back in place and take a long drink of whiskey. The alcohol will dull the pain soon. And, eventually, I’ll pass out and forget all about the absolute shit show that today turned out to be.
And tomorrow you’ll remember it all over again, I remind myself. Maybe, but for now, I’m done. Time to drink until I can’t feel any longer. Until I’m in a drunken stupor where I’m not caring anymore.
Because that’s the problem. Hannah is making me feel things that I haven’t felt since Cynda. I keep comparing the two. I can’t help it. After meeting Cynda Drake, I fell hard and fast. And, I thought she had too. That was my first mistake—believing that bitch had actual feelings.
With hindsight, I was young and stupidly hung up on her because I thought she was beautiful and her family was powerful. She wasn’t even half as lovely as Hannah, though. Cynda’s beauty was cool and distant. There was an icy quality about her that I chose to ignore and, instead, I focused on how hot we were between the sheets.
It didn’t last, though. Cynda grew bored and went elsewhere to find a new thrill. Someone new to conquer. When I walked in on her fucking an acquaintance of mine in the coat room closet of a fundraiser we were attending, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My supposed woman propped against the wall with her legs wrapped around another man’s waist, moaning and writhing as he thrusted into her. At that point, we were engaged.
I remember the way her left hand hung over his shoulder and how with each thrust, it jerked and the diamond engagement ring on her finger caught the light just right and glinted.
Bang, glint. Bang, glint. Bang, glint.
I’m not sure how long I stood there, rooted in place, watching my fiancée getting the shit pounded out of her. Eventually, her gaze caught mine and instead of gasping or stopping or, hell, showing any kind of remorse, she smiled.
She fucking smiled at me with another man’s dick inside of her. And then she came in his arms, shuddering and grinning at me. I remember turning around, feeling dazed, and I stalked into the nearest men’s room where I walked into a stall and hurled up my dinner.
Cynda Drake’s betrayal left me wrecked. That moment of walking in on her in the middle of having sex with another man broke something inside of me and it hasn’t been the same since. I’d thought I loved her and believed she loved me back. I truly thought we were going to spend our lives together. I should’ve known better and, with hindsight, there were signs. Signs I chose to ignore because I wanted to believe in her—in us—so badly. I wanted to trust her even when she would often disappear. Or, when she’d turn up much later with her hair askew and makeup slightly mussed.
