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I thought having on-demand sex with Rafael would ease my craving, but no. In fact, I’m having the opposite problem. After he fucks me within an inch of my life nearly every morning, by the end of the workday I’m either rearing to go another several rounds or so exhausted I fall asleep as soon as I walk through our door. And on those pass-the-fuck-out before 5:00 pm nights, I’ll wake to a small plate of food on my nightstand. Grapes, a concha Ana made, a dish of trail mix maybe—just something to munch on in case my blood sugar or pressure drops.
And when I wake up, he’s always right there—his body warming my bed and my stupid heart. No one is more thrilled than Razzle Dazzle though. Now he gets to choose who he sleeps with each night. He usually starts with laying on my belly until the twins start kicking, then promptly swats at my stomach for disturbing him and transfers locations to cradle in my friend's arms.
But Rafael's not the only one I have my eyes on these days. There’s someone else turning me on in a surprising turn of events.
Me.
When I look at myself in the mirror, my bump now prominent, I become the most conceited person ever. I had healthy self-esteem before I was pregnant, but now? Fuck me, I’m gorgeous! My hair, skin, attitude, body, everything is the epitome of perfection. I'm a goddamn siren.
That mentality shift has certainly helped me speak up and tell Rafael when I’m needy. But at the same time, I feel bad that all my thoughts are consumed by the following:
How sexy Rafael is and how he’d be crazy not to fuck me every second of every day.
Researching everything about birth and raising babies.
That’s it. That’s the whole list. I forget about my family, my job, even Cora. Thankfully, Raf sees both of us on a near-daily basis, so he reminds us to call each other. Which I should really do again because I haven’t been totally honest with her.
Raf grabs a cart as I pull my phone from my purse and press her contact. “Angie babe, how are you?” Cora says after the third ring.
“I’m good. Just at the store with Raf picking up a couple things for dinner tonight at Ana and Christina’s.” I answer, already forgetting what we’re supposed to buy. “We’re spending the night, and then seeing my dad in the morning. What are you doing?”
“We had lunch with Jay’s parents earlier and now the three of us are getting a mani pedi.”
“Ooh, that sounds nice. I’m due for one. What color is Marco getting?”
“Oh, he’s getting a full set in highlighter pink, obviously.” I can hear him in the background ask what that means and she giggles, but doesn’t answer him. “How are you feeling?”
It’s the most common question we ask each other since we’ve become pregnant. Feeling means physically and emotionally in these instances. Both are intrinsically tied to one another and change every day, but the thing that hasn’t changed is the thing I’ve been keeping close to my chest—my sore and sensitive chest.
I meander through the produce section aimlessly while far ahead of me, Raf starts collecting what we need. I clear my throat. “My nausea is totally gone now and has been replaced with outrageous confidence. The babies love to kick me at night when I’m at my most relaxed state, and Rafael and I are fucking like rabbits,” I wince, ripping the bandage off. There’s such a long pause that I look at my screen to check that the call didn’t cut out. “Cora?”
“Did you just say you’re sleeping with Raf?” she asks in a serious tone that brokers no other meaning.
“Yeah?”
“Angie! Oh my god, I knew this would happen!” she screeches.
“You did not.”
“Yes, I did. Just like how you manifested a sexy threesome for me, I did this for you! You’re welcome. You can repay me by naming your children after me.”
Thankful that I’m laughing and not cowering, I ask, “Both of them? What if I’m having boys?”
“Cora is a gender-neutral name. If you think about it, all names are gender-neutral, Ang. Alright, stop distracting me. How long has this been going on?”
My wince comes back. “Since the beginning of July?”
“What?” she hisses. “On the camping trip?”
“Yeah,” I confirm, taking four pieces of sample cheese from the display tray and completely losing Rafael in the store.
