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Following the other me, I pass door after door of painful memories. By the end of the hallway, tears are streaming down my cheeks.
My other self stares at me. She opens her mouth, and out of it comes Airalin’s voice. “You are worthless. You are nothing. You will never be anything more than what I say you are. You will never be free. No one will ever love you.”
A deep sense of sadness clouds my thoughts as I stare at myself, saying these horrible things. My head shakes. “No,” I say. “No, that’s not true.”
“What is the truth?”
I stand up straight. “I have proved it. I am free. I escaped that tower. I am loved. I am not worthless. I am free.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Yes. I am loved. I am valuable. I was never worthless, no matter what I was told or shown.”
“Say it again,” she says.
“I am valuable. I am loved.”
“Again,” says my other self.
I repeat the words again, and my other self turns into a pendulum, just like in a clock, swinging in front of me. My eyes follow the pendulum, while I repeat the words over and over, the voices of my younger selves crying out along with me.
The pain returns, and I suck in air. It feels as if someone is shoving a knife into my heart and head. Just when I think it will not end, the pain disappears. Everything disappears.
I fall to the ground, crashing into the circle design. Shadows surround me and I hear Raúl calling for me, but I have no strength to respond.
Chapter Seventy-Four
My eyes open, and I adjust to the shadows. When I make out my surroundings, I realize that I’m in my own rooms.
I sit up, then cry out as a band of pain tightens around my head. I collapse back into bed, taking deep breaths. Once I am calm, I sit up again, successful this time.
“Raúl?” I call out, unsure what to do. I feel no different from before the ritual. How do I even know if I’m a vampire?
I hold my hands up in front of me, but still only see the silver dusting surrounding them. No sign of shadows at all.
Dread fills my heart when Raúl flies into my room, his feet barely touching the ground. Immediately, he is at my side, holding my hand. “Penny. Are you feeling okay?”
A frown appears on my face as I nod. “It didn’t work, did it? I see no shadows around me.”
Raúl grimaces, stroking his thumb across the back of my hand. “I’m so sorry, Penny. I know this isn’t what you wanted.”
I lay back down on the bed, pulling Raúl with me. He curls an arm around my stomach, holding me close. “We can try again next new moon.”
Before answering, I sigh. “I guess.”
“It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
I kiss the palm of his hand and close my eyes, not responding. Reaching deep inside, I check my magic stores, not surprised when I find nothing there. Of course. He says it’ll be okay, but I’m afraid it won’t be. My magic is gone, again, on top of the ritual not working. It’s all too much.
Raúl directs the conversation away from the ritual and starts telling me a story about him as a little boy. I laugh when he talks about the pranks he and his friend played on the guards.
He is just finishing up his story when his pocket watch buzzes against my back. He fishes it out and opens it, revealing Henry. “Sir, the vampire witches are here.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Raúl snaps the pocket watch closed and kisses the back of my head. “I have to greet these witches. Protocols and such.”
An idea forms in my mind. “Can I come? Do you think they’d have any information for me?”
“They might. It is worth a try.”
