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Raúl opens his mouth, then closes it again, grinning at me sheepishly. “No, actually, I didn’t remember. I’ve been so focused on finding Julian.”
We both burst out laughing. “If you are sure,” he says, still smiling, “I will be there with you every step of the way.”
Excited, I jump and wrap my arms around his neck. Raúl spins me around before putting me down. Turning into a vampire before truly experiencing the world only made me pause for a second, when I think about the blood aspect of it. But Raúl has said plenty of times that donors provide blood. I will never have to kill anyone to eat. In the end, I know what I want, and what I want is to stay in this community, this life, forever. If I have the chance, I will not let it pass me by, like I let the world pass by my window as I stared at it from my tower.
“When can we start?” I say, hoping it will be soon. “Nava has already been gathering most of the ingredients.”
He snickers. “Of course she has. We probably have the rest.”
Raúl takes out his pocket watch. Henry appears on it soon after, and Raúl rattles off a list of the supplies Nava tells us we need. Henry promises to gather them all, and Raúl puts his watch away. “There is about a week until the new moon. The rituals performed then have a higher chance of succeeding.”
I rub my hands together. “Perfect.”
Raúl grins at me. “You’re going to have to say I’m perfect for eternity now. Are you prepared for that?”
“Only if you spend eternity proving it.”
He laughs, the deep sound sending joy straight to my heart. “Promise.”
The coming days pass by slowly, and there is a small groove in the grass where I have paced, hoping time would speed up already.
Finally, it is the new moon. Only Carmen and Helena are allowed into the ritual, besides Raúl. It is more for the safety of the other vampires than it is for me, since sometimes the ritual can be unstable. If it goes wrong, vampires within a certain distance can be seriously injured by magic. Both women understand and accept the risks.
I wake up before dusk and head into the bath. Carmen had given me a special bar of soap made from sage, comfrey, and goat’s milk. She said it was part of the ritual, helping to promote protection, especially of my body. I will experience the death of my former self.
In my closet is the dress made for the ritual. A handful of vampires spent day and night sewing it, and I haven’t been allowed to wear it even once, until now. I slip it over my head, my heart pounding as the cool fabric falls over me. It is a shimmering silver color embroidered with red and black moons along the bottom. The top part is embroidered as well, with designs and curls.
Nerves make my hands twitch as I gather my braids, tying them back up so they will not drag. As I do, I sigh, wondering if I could ever cut these blasted coils. I shudder at the thought, though, especially after what happened last time.
Someone knocks on the door, and I open the door to find Raúl standing there, dressed formally in a black shirt with a black vest, and black dress pants. His face is resigned, but I catch a glimmer of hope in his eye as well. I reach out and take his hand. “Tonight is the night.”
He nods, pulling me close to him. He kisses me softly and whispers, “I love you. This is going to hurt. I will not lie. Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I say with confidence. “I am ready.”
Raúl backs away and bows before me, offering me his arm. “Then let’s go.”
Chapter Seventy-Three
We walk to the gardens, where the ritual will take place. Although we are the only ones there, Raúl has taken precautions against any possible rebel attacks. A handful of vampires surround us, far enough away to avoid the effects, ready for any attack.
Helena is placing the candles in a circle; there must be about a hundred of them. Inside the circle, the grass is burned in an intricate design of circles upon circles interlocked with more circles.
Carmen hands me a tea, and I drink it slowly, the minty flavor cooling my lungs. She smiles at me. “Are you ready, darling girl? Everything will change from this point forward.”
I gulp the last of the tea and nod. “I am ready.”
Stepping into the circle, I lie down in the middle, putting my hands where Carmen tells me. She stands back up and snaps, lighting all hundred candles in an instant. “It is time.”
Carmen begins chanting in an ancient language, and I can make no sense of the words. In the second round, Raúl joins in, and in the third, Helena. They chant seven times total, and I can finally make out the last line: ex vita, mortem.
They repeat the last line seven more times. I lay in anticipation, wondering what will happen. My heart pounds until I hear it in my ears. The vampires stop chanting, and the candles flicker, then all of a sudden, they go out. Bright white light surrounds me, and I feel as if I am floating. I close my eyes against the brightness and cry out when a hot pain stabs my heart and forehead.
A thunder clap sounds. My senses are in overload, and I cannot grasp reality. Suddenly, I can see, but not the world around me. Instead, I see myself wearing my patched dress. My other self beckons to me silently, and I follow. She passes through a small hallway lined with a dirty red carpet, walking slowly. Dark wooden doors are open on either side of the hallway, and I peek inside the first one we pass. In it is a small version of me, and I tilt my head. Little me is facing Airalin, who is screaming at me for burning a slice of bread. The room next to it is another one. Little me crouched down behind a chair as Airalin searches for me, screaming threats.
The next room I pass, I am running to my bed in tears, Airalin telling me I will never leave the tower again. That was after she had held the vampire with her ropes, burning him to death.
I hold my breath, wondering what the next room will show. Clutching my dress in a fist, I peer inside. In it, I am tending the burn marks on my arm. This was the first, and last time, I refused to let down my hair from the tower window.
