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She frowns, exhaling heavily. “Fine. I’m frustrated. All this dating crap takes so much effort. I just wish I weren’t so messed up.”
I smile gently. “Be patient with yourself. You’ll get there.”
She plucks at the beige fabric of the couch. “I’m tired of being patient.”
“You’re making progress, and it’s getting easier to be affectionate, right?”
“I guess.” She still looks discouraged.
“If Lila were the one struggling, you’d tell her to give herself as much time as she needed. You wouldn’t rush her. Cut yourself the same slack you’d give her.”
She rolls onto her back, gazing up at me and pursing her lips. “You know, you’re pretty smart for a guy.”
I wink. “That’s me. Pretty and smart.”
She chuckles and shakes her head. “Totally not what I said.”
I tweak a lock of her damp hair. “Seriously, quit worrying about things not lining up with some timetable in your head. Focus on your victories.”
“Fine, if you’ll stop quoting fortune cookies at me.” Then she scoots up and kisses my cheek. “Thanks, Mark.”
I press my lips to her forehead. “My brilliance is always available for a nominal fee.”
I’m at the rehab gym a few days later, working on my core, when Blake enters. He scans the area, presumably searching for Tom. I nod once, not breaking my pace. “Tom’s already gone home for the day. He had to pick Maya up from school. Skyler’s home sick.”
He nods. “Thanks.”
But instead of leaving, he strolls around the gym. I watch as he aimlessly meanders, hands stuffed in his pants pockets. His shoulders flex beneath his blue tee shirt as he paces. I’m the only one here, and while he and I are cordial, we aren’t friends. He’s a friend of Tom’s that I’ve chatted with a few times. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he’s lingering around to talk about.
Or more accurately, whom.
Sure enough, a few minutes later, he sits down on the padded table adjacent to mine.
I stop doing my ab crunches and unclip the carabiners that connect resistance bands to a belt around my waist before sitting up to face him. “Something on your mind?”
He rests his arms on his legs, leaning forward and staring at the ground. “I’m hoping you can tell me what I need to know about Charlie.”
I wait for him to meet my gaze, to see the seriousness of my response. “The most important thing you need to know is that if you hurt her, I’ll mop the floor with you.”
He raises both hands in surrender. “First Tom, now you. I don’t want to hurt her. That’s why I’m here. I need –” He closes his eyes for a second. “Look, I know she’s been through something bad. I touched her cheek a few months ago and she had a panic attack. I didn’t know not to touch her. She had another one the first time we went out, even though I put a lot of effort into making sure I kept my distance. I still have no idea what happened or where the boundaries are. I don’t want to scare her or accidentally do something I shouldn’t. I was hoping –” He stops again, pinching the bridge of his nose before jumping up. “Never mind. Sorry to bother you.”
I sigh. “Sit down, Blake.” His eyes are cautious, but he eases back down. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you as far as boundary lines go. That’s something you’ll have to discuss with Charlie. She’s trying to open up, be more relaxed with people, but only she can tell you what she’s okay with.”
“By ‘relaxed with people’, you mean with guys?”
I shake my head. “With everyone. Charlie’s very guarded, and she keeps almost everyone at arm’s length. When someone asks a personal question, she redirects the conversation, usually without them noticing. She stays detached to protect herself. Most people never know what’s going on with her below the surface. She hides behind a teasing, cheerful façade. Sometimes, even Lila and I struggle to get her to open up. She’s working at letting people in, people she trusts, but she doesn’t trust easily, because to her, vulnerability means pain. Getting involved with her won’t be easy, but if you think she’s too much work, you’re dead wrong.”
He sits silently, pinching his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger. I keep talking. “Charlie’s an incredible woman. She’s worth every ounce of effort it takes. The question is whether you’re worth hers.” Annoyance flits across his sculpted features, but I ignore it. “Because make no mistake, letting someone get close is extremely difficult for her. Things you’d do automatically, like hugging someone or taking their hand or talking about personal things – those things require her to fight all of her instincts.”
Blake purses his lips. “Will you tell me what happened to her?”
I hesitate. “Details are hers to share, not mine, but I know she started her ‘Winner versus Whiner’ dates by sharing basic information. She wanted to head off any preconceived notions about where the date might lead. I’ll tell you the basics, but nothing more.” He nods, looking entirely too eager, like he’s about to hear juicy gossip. I barely manage to conceal my irritation.
“When we were in Afghanistan, Charlie was kidnapped by insurgents.” I leave Lila out of it. Her story is her business, not Blake’s. “They had her for eleven days before we found her. They’d raped her and –” I break off, sickened by memories of the night I found her, of discovering what they’d done. “They brutalized her. That’s why she struggles.”
He looks at me, his expression unreadable. “She panics at physical contact, but not with you. Why?”
“Charlie and I’ve been best friends for almost twenty-five years. Her family took me in when my dad died, and since her parents died, it’s just been the two of us. I’d die for her, and she knows it.” I don’t mention that I’ve killed for her, though if he considers what I’ve told him, it should be obvious.
