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I practically fall onto the sofa across from him, exhausted by my own idiocy, but also grateful for the distraction. "Something based on more than fucking."
"Then, no." His chin lifts, as he reconsiders. "Well, there was this one girl. We liked drinking together too."
I stare at him a beat, unsure if he’s being serious. After a few seconds, I figure he is, and pity my friend even more than I did before. "Yeah, that doesn't count either, mate."
Gavin shrugs it off, like he doesn't care, but I see the slight clench of his jaw and it makes me think the realization bothers him more than he's letting on. "Then I guess the only thing I can offer is affirmation." He lifts the beer in his hand, tipping it my direction. "You were right. You did nothing wrong. She's just being emotional."
"Again." I lift both brows this time. "It's clear you've never been in a relationship."
"So you keep pointing out." Gavin angles the mouth of the bottle to his lips, taking a few loud swallows before dropping it so the base rests against his knee. "What's your plan?"
I rake one hand through my hair the way I've done countless times since Valerie marched out of our home. "I don't bloody know."
I'd hoped she'd speak with my mother and take a few minutes to come to terms with what I've done. Then, eventually, she would find her way back here, unleash her wrath upon me, and I could spend the rest of the night with my head between her thighs, making it up to her.
I'm beginning to realize that was wishful thinking on my part. Or maybe it was hope. Valerie and I haven't been together long, but it was already easy to see what we have is different from anything I've had before. Better, definitely, but also deeper. Stronger.
And real.
That's likely why this is so difficult for her. What I've done is a betrayal of the highest order, I know that. But I'd hoped what we've built would be enough for her to understand why I did it. For her to know my motivations were nothing like her father's. That the deal I made was infinitely different from the one her ex-fiancé tried to broker.
It would seem I was giving myself too much credit.
"You're being awful quiet, man." Gavin looks me over. "Even I know you should have a plan." He drinks another swallow of beer. "Even if it's just to cut your losses and move on."
In spite of my knowledge of Gavin's track record, I'm stunned at his suggestion. "I will not be cutting my losses. She’s my wife." I lean forward, sounding more aggravated with him then I should be. "Her value is incalculable.” I swallow hard as the full truth of my situation hits. “Losing her would be losing everything."
Instead of looking properly chastised, Gavin grins at me. "And this is why I've never been in a relationship." He shakes his head. "I don't need my life resting on someone else's shoulders."
I blink. Gavin's deduction of what a relationship is and can be, is stark. Depressing. And says a lot about the way he looks at life and love.
It also makes me fear his chances for finding any sort of happiness and fulfillment will be slim to none.
"But, since we can't all be selfish bastards like me," Gavin shrugs, as if he's unbothered at the prospect, "you should probably go find your wife." He flashes me a grin. "I can't handle you sulking around again like you did the past six months. I'll have to sell my place and move. Find a neighbor who isn't such a fucking sad sack."
I consider the possibility, letting it marinate long enough it becomes what I’ve been looking for. "I would hate to force you to have to sell your place." It's not much of an excuse since I know Gavin is beyond happy with his home and would never part with it, but the empty threat is more than I need to do what I've been wanting since Valerie walked out. I tried to give her the space she wanted, but I can only take so much. "So, I suppose I will go do as you suggested." I stand, going to fetch my keys. "Stay as long as you like, but I don't recommend being here when we return."
"Your faith in your groveling skills is second to none." Gavin chuckles, standing. "I'm not as confident your wife will be letting you into her pants so soon, but I’m also not interested in finding out which of us is right." He follows me out into the hall, wishing me luck before returning to his own, silent space.
I should spare him a few minutes to feel bad for the predicament he has so carefully found his way into, but tonight I couldn't give a shit over Gavin's obvious loneliness. Or his even more obvious cluelessness.
All I care about is finding Valerie, apologizing profusely, and planting my face between her thighs until she's forgiven me.
I get into the lift, already feeling lighter. Taking it down to the garage, I step out and discover my wife's car still parked directly next to mine. That causes me to abandon my plan to drive to my mother’s, taking the lift back up to the lobby level. If Valerie is on foot, then I will be too.
The doorman gives me an odd look as I pass him. Going out onto the path, I stop to determine my next move. I am almost positive she would go to my mother’s. I've discovered she and the woman she used to live with, Crystal, are friendly, but their connection isn't particularly deep. So, while Valerie might talk to her friend about me, I can't imagine Crystal offering up any sort of useful suggestions, or advice.
A lot like Gavin.
Decision made, I turn in the direction of my mother's building, beyond ready to lay eyes on my beautiful wife. I know I've hurt her. I know it's likely she's as upset about me keeping this from her as she is about the act itself, but hopefully she will understand why I did what I did as readily as I understand her reasons for being upset by it.
The walk to my mother's is normally short, but it's even shorter tonight. I’m moving at a good clip, each step coming faster than the one before it as my legs eat up the distance between us. I'm half tempted to call, just to hear that she's there, but I don't want to give Valerie time to run away from me again. I know it's all she's ever known. That up until now, it was an act of self-preservation and the only option available to her since staying would have afforded her nothing but the loss of power.
That's not how it is between us. I want her to know she can yell at me. Scream even, if she’s so inclined. I want her to feel safe enough she doesn't run from any conflict we have.
I'm closing in on my mother’s building when I spot her and my chest loosens even more. Valerie's not moving nearly as quickly as I am, nor is she scanning the streets the way I do. That gives me plenty of time to drink her in. Plenty of time to let the mere sight of her soothe the unrest I've been harboring since she left.
But then she stops short, dark brows pinching together as her eyes swings to the side, locking onto a car that screeches to a stop beside her. I'm too far away to see who's inside as the back door flies open and a large man jumps out, grabs her, and all but throws her into the back seat.
