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I didn't know where else to go when I left the condo, and I’m beginning to regret my decision to come here. I love Crystal. I will always appreciate how much she's done for me. But when it comes to discussing the deeply emotional baggage I brought to Sweet Side?
She's not it.
"The money represents a man who did exactly what you sought him out to do." My former roommate shoves in another spoonful of lumpy, white cheese and continues talking. "You two made a deal. Fynn would help keep you from having to go back to Minnesota, and you would restore his reputation back to its former glory." She swings the spoon around, eyes widening. "It sounds like you both got exactly what you wanted. You should be happy."
"I am happy." The admission comes out quickly. A knee-jerk response to her insinuation that I’m not. Because—for the first time in probably ever—I am genuinely happy.
That's what makes this even more confusing. It's why I needed space to think and sort out my emotions before I dug into them with Fynn.
Unfortunately, Crystal isn't being much help.
She gives me a grin, oblivious to her uselessness. "Perfect. Problem solved." She shoves up from the sofa, and makes a beeline for the kitchen, grabbing her cell phone off the counter. "You want to order pizza to celebrate?"
I blow out a long breath as I stand, trying to expel my frustration with it. Crystal was exactly the person I needed when I was angry and jaded and bitter. Those are all emotions she was well-equipped to handle.
Self-reflection? Not so much.
And I'm afraid that's what this really boils down to. A big, old, steaming pile of looking inward. And it stinks.
"No, thanks." My stomach rumbles as I get up, making me even more upset over my inability to process my feelings. Whatever Fynn was making for dinner smelled divine, and now I'm missing it. All because I might be emotionally stunted. Can't imagine how that happened.
"I think I'm just going to head out." I pause where Crystal stands placing an order for delivery from her favorite pizzeria, and squeeze her in a quick hug. "Thanks for the talk. I'll call you next week and we can go have lunch."
She looks up from her screen, shooting me a grin as she wiggles her eyebrows. "You gonna take me to that fancy place you went on your wedding day?”
I roll my eyes but smile. “Of course I’ll take you to the fancy place.” I back away, smirking. “I’ll even pay. But don’t expect me to drop a million bucks on you.”
She’s laughing loudly as I close the door to her apartment behind me and I can’t help but feel a little better. Crystal might not have helped me navigate the murky waters of emotional trauma, but she’s fucking great at lifting my mood. I know it’s a temporary reprieve, but I’ll take it.
Unfortunately, it doesn't last nearly long enough. Only until I walk out the front door of the building. Because that's when there's no way I can avoid thinking about where I have to go now. I don't have many people in this world I can turn to. Even fewer who can help me with my current predicament.
So I only have one option. Will there be a conflict of interest? Probably. But I don’t have a choice.
Turning away from Crystal’s building, I make my way back across downtown Sweet Side, following the same path Fynn and I took the night we met. With each step my stomach sinks more and more, because I know what I have to do. I’m dreading it, but it has to be done.
By the time I reach the high-rise I'm aiming for, my palms are sweating and I'm ready to gag on my panic. I don't know what's about to happen, but it could change everything.
In a good way, or a bad one.
The doorman inside greets me with a smile and a wave. "Good evening, Mrs. Hadaway."
I'm not sure how, but I manage to give him a smile in spite of the nausea tying my innards into knots.
He opens the private elevator to the penthouse for me, tipping his head my way as I go inside. By some miracle, I manage to hold a pleasant expression until the doors close. Then, I sag against the wall, letting my head tip back against the hard surface as I take in deep, gulping breaths.
Maybe this is a bad idea. A terrible, awful decision. I should probably just suck it up, and figure this out on my own. Or, I could simply pretend none of this happened. Ignore Fynn paying my father off, along with everything that came before it.
But ignoring things didn't work so well for me in the past, and I want to live a different life. To be a different person. And, as painful as it is to admit, I could probably use to be a better person. I could stand to admit to the mistakes I’ve made and take ownership of the pain they caused. Especially, since I don't ever want to be anything like my father.
The elevator reaches my destination, and the doors begin to part. I take one more deep breath, trying to force myself to be brave.
But the opening is barely a foot wide when I start to choke on that false bravado. Helena is on the other side, and it looks a whole lot like she's waiting for me. The only reason she’d be expecting me is if Fynn called her. He and his mother are close, so it’s not surprising. But it sucks.
My shoulders drop, because as much as I hate having to do it, I still wanted to be the one to tell her how awful I was to her son.
It looks like Fynn beat me to the punch.
When she opens her arms, I'm a little stunned. Even more so, when she gives me a soft smile. "My darling daughter-in-law." Helena wiggles her fingers, beckoning me her way. "Come here."
