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My gut roils. She’s right. “So, you can look past it?”
Her brow arches. “Your past?”
“What I did to Robyn,” I clarify.
“You have to let that go, Jared. It’ll eat you alive otherwise. You did nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong. I wish you would see that. Your guilt is misplaced.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybes about it.” Her head tilts to one side, considering me. “You’re a good man. A great man, in fact. Please don’t let that one incident ruin your life.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving someone like me a chance.”
“Someone like you?”
“Broken.”
She swallows. “We all have our baggage, Jared. I bring my own, too, but that doesn’t define us forever.”
She’s right. It doesn’t, nor should it. And she’s right about letting go of the past, of my guilt. I can’t change what happened, but what I can do is be the best father I can to my son and that is how I honor Robyn’s memory.
For years, I felt like I was constantly seeking atonement for my past, for my actions, but Nia makes me feel as if I’ve found it.
After we finish eating, I pay the bill and we walk together out to the car. I’m on cloud nine as I drive Nia home, my heart full and soaring for the first time in a long time. I feel… alive. Like this might be a second chance at happiness. And for once I feel as if I deserve that chance.
When I pull up outside her apartment building, my heart starts to race as the thrill of starting something new hits me.
I lean across the center console and kiss her. It’s soft, gentle but there is a hint of urgency behind it. I don’t want to push her too hard, too fast, but I need this woman in a way I never thought would be possible again. My life, which had been chaotic and out of control, is just starting to make sense once more.
I don’t want to read too much into why that is, but I know it’s because of Nia. She calms my soul in a way I didn’t know I needed.
When I pull back from the kiss, I want to go back in for another, but I resist the urge to take her again. Slowly. That is how I have to proceed. I have to remember she is working through her own demons too, and that speed is not the way to go here.
“I’ll walk you to the door,” I tell her.
“You don’t have to. You can see it from here.”
“My mom brought me up with manners. I know how to treat a lady.”
“You certainly do,” she murmurs, a slight smile tugging at her lips.
Without further debate, I climb out of the car and we head for the door. Her hand feels so good in mine and I wish I could bottle the elated feeling soaring through me right now.
When we reach the door, I kiss her again, this time savoring the taste of her, wanting more, but refusing to give into my desires. It’s too soon for more.
“Goodnight, Nia,” I say to her, a clear indication I don’t expect anything from her. I want her to trust me, to feel safe and not pressured in my presence.
“Goodnight.”
She goes through the door, but I can see the reluctance as she does. I wait until the door clicks shut, then I stuff my hands in my jeans pockets and walk back to the car. I want to sing and shout about how happy I am in this moment, but instead, I just wear what I’m sure is a goofy grin on my face as I make my way back to the car.
I climb in and instead of pulling off the parking lot, I quickly dial my mom. She answers after the second ring.
“Hey, Mom, it’s me.”
