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“You think it wasn’t?” I ask, curious to hear his answer.
“I think it was badly timed.”
That’s not a yes, but it’s not a no either. It is enough to make me bristle. “Did you come over here just to say this?”
He winces. “I’m making more of a mess, aren’t I?”
I smile at him, because he is.
He stares at his feet, as if trying to work out the words to use.
“I uh… you’re the first woman I’ve thought about… like that… since Robyn died.”
He flinches as he says her name, his deceased wife.
Anger forgotten, I want to go to him, to comfort him, but I stay rooted to the floor. I’m not sure he will appreciate my sympathy here.
“It’s okay to feel weird about it. You’re my first since I left Thomas. I was feeling a little strange myself, but Jared, you said her death was your fault. What did that mean?”
His eyes close and I see the pain ripple across his face. “It happened when Coop was just a few weeks old. We were coming back from my mom’s… and it was raining.” His throat bobs as he tries to find the words.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I say, suddenly not sure I want to hear this story.
“I need to. You need to understand what you’re getting into here.” He clears his throat. “I pulled over because the rain was so bad and where I pulled over… I guess it wasn’t safe. We got T-boned by another car.”
I frown at him as the words settle into my brain. “I’m not seeing how you did anything wrong.”
“I wanted to visit my mom. I put the car in the place where we got hit.”
“And the car that hit you? They did nothing wrong, right?”
His tongue dips out to wet his bottom lip and I follow the movement, a little mesmerized by it.
“If I hadn’t stopped where I did—”
“If visibility was so bad, you did the right thing by stopping. The other driver didn’t. He or she hit you because they were being negligent. You weren’t to blame. What happened was a tragic incident, and nothing you’ve told me makes me think you were culpable, and clearly the police didn’t either because you’re standing here, a free man. You have to let go of your guilt. It’s not good for you, or Cooper.”
He eyes me. “It’s hard to let go of something that is ingrained in you to believe.”
“It’s a lie, though. You were not responsible. From what you’ve told me, you did everything right. I don’t know what the future holds for us—if it holds anything—but for your own future, you have to let it go and move on. It’s not healthy to cling to the past like this.”
For a long moment, he stares at me. Then he says, “I want to explore this thing with us. I’m just…”
“Scared?” I fill in. “Me too. You don’t think it’s taking a lot for me to trust a man after what Thomas did to me?”
I watch as Jared’s face darkens. “I’m not like him. I’ll never lay a finger on you in anger.”
I move to him, my hand resting on his arm. I truly believe him. Thomas was always a little off.
“I know that. I know you’re one of the good ones, Jared. I can see it in you, but that doesn’t stop me being worried or anxious.”
He takes my hands in his. “I would never hurt you, Nia. You have to believe that.”
I don’t point out that his actions the other day hurt. We’re in a fragile place right now, and I don’t want to tip either of us over the edge.
He dips his head. “You’re going to have to be patient with me.”
“As are you with me.”
