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I return to my music, knowing that tonight has been a success. It’s getting late. Soon, another night will be over, and these filthy elves will stumble home to their wives, and we, the girls, will be left alone to dream.
Yet, I’m intrigued. Who is this Gusa, and why exactly is he gaining support?
It seems I have a tale for a King.
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VANESSA
ONE YEAR EARLIER
The words, words that I can never say out loud, rip through my head violently.
This is going to be impossible.
I have to stop myself from shuddering in front of my mother, who is looking at me with her usual critical eye.
My mother sits in the middle of the small living room of our tiny house with her hands folded in her lap.
This is going to be impossible.
I want to say the words out loud. I am dying to say the words out loud.
My mother speaks then as if she read my mind. Maybe she did. Or maybe she sees the pure desperation on my face.
“You failed?” she spits. “You failed again?”
I lower my head. My two younger siblings, who are in the other room, go quiet.
My face grows warm, and I wrap my arms around my chest. I am thin enough that my arms could practically wrap right around my body if I was a little more flexible.
“Well.” My mother shifts in her chair. She looks smaller and grubbier than usual. “There’s nothing to say about it, except that you will have to go back to the training center tomorrow and try again. I am sure that Pashchar will let you in, no matter how pathetic you have been so far.”
“Yes, Mother.” I keep my head bent, my voice low and respectful. ***
I am hungry. I am always hungry.
And I am cold, even though New Solas is warm, as it always is.
I am walking from the human village in the west of New Solas, to the north of the city where the xaphanian training center is based.
I approach the base of the hill that leads out of my village, and I sigh as I stare up the length of the hill.
“I pray that I make it,” I mutter to myself. The prayer feels empty but it is one that I say every day, anyway, no matter how empty or useless it feels.
I pray that I make it.
