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“What do you mean?”
“I can see when your brain is whirring. You chew on the inside of your lip, just a touch, like this.”
He shows me and I laugh out loud, because it’s so subtle that nobody has ever noticed that before, apart from Mum and Dad. Oh, and Connor, of course. Jackass came to know it over time, but not at the beginning.
“Come on,” he says. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just stuff.”
God, I could cringe, but he pulls me closer.
“How about I take a guess?” he says, then nips at my ear. “I guess you’re thinking about how fucking amazing life is right now, being in bed, cuddled up like a pair of loved up, lovebirds.”
I giggle. “Maybe.”
“I guess you’re thinking about how crazy it is to feel like this, so fast it’s insane. And wondering if this can be as real as it seems, because that would be off the charts incredible.”
I go quiet at that, my heart racing as he kisses my cheek. He’s got me nailed.
“You know how I know that?” he asks.
“Um, because I’m as easy to read as a book, and I do the lip chewing thing?”
He smirks. “No. It’s because I’m thinking exactly the same things. And you know the answer I’m coming to?”
“Enlighten me.”
“I’m pretty certain it’s real.”
Oh, how my heart is pounding. “Pretty certain?”
He tips his head from side to side, not in the least bit self-conscious.
“I’d say certain certain, actually.” He looks right back at me. “Last night, when I was pacing around this place, waiting to hear from you, I figured I’d be worked up, getting all paranoid about the Amy bullshit. But you know what? I was fine. My only concern was that you were safe and having fun. That amount of trust feels surreal after being fucked over so bad, but I’m calling it intuition. I’m gonna trust my gut on this one.”
“And what does your gut say?”
“My gut says this is the real deal, Ells.”
I feel something then. Not just the usual butterflies fluttering around my stomach, but it’s my heart. Like I can really feel it in my heart, like a blooming flower…
“What?” he says, frowning.
And now I’m blushing.
“I was just having a listen to my gut,” I tell him.
“And?”
“My gut said tit for tat.”
“It did?”
I reply with my lips, kissing him with a fervour, my spiralling butterflies craving release. I need him against me. I need him inside me. I love the way he nips at my neck as he rolls on top, taking control.
“It won’t make any difference who you fuck every night,” he says. “Just as long as you come home to me. Your body can have as much fun as it wants, with whichever clients you choose, just as long as I’m the one your heart belongs to.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I tell him as he shunts my legs apart. “My heart doesn’t stray. Ever. Just so long as it’s the same in return.”
