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I just hope Josh truly realises that. I hope he gets through his fears like I did.
There’s silence between us, and I get it, I feel it. After my cascade of stomach lurches while Josh was out on a proposal, I know how his reactions must be thumping inside him. Only his stomach lurching cascades must be worse than mine after Amy. He got ditched for a client, after all, not just some skanky little groupie.
“I’m not in love with Daddy, don’t worry,” I tell Josh, trying to put him at ease. “He makes a really good chicken casserole, but he’s shit with coffee. In fact, he didn’t even let me have any, it was juice or nothing. Plus, he doesn’t have a purple streak in his hair.” I put my mug on the side and wrap my arms around his waist, peppering his collarbone with kisses before I carry on talking. “He hasn’t got a Jacob’s ladder, and he isn’t a patch on you with his tongue, but that’s the very least of it.” I pepper some more kisses. “He doesn’t laugh like you, he doesn’t smile like you, he doesn’t mean a single word he says. He’s not you, Josh, and he’ll never come close, so don’t worry about it, ok?”
He smiles. “Ok. I’m sure I’ll entertain myself. How long is the session?”
Oh fuck. This might burst his bubble. I take a breath before I answer.
“It’s an all-nighter. Fourteen hours.”
“An all-nighter?” His eyes open wide. “Jesus, ok. And it’s daddy play? You’ll be a good little girl, ready for bedtime, I’m guessing? Not a whore on the floor.”
Josh knows the drill. I mean, he would do, since he’s been in the business a lot longer than I have. He’s a virtual encyclopaedia of fetish kinks. He knows this isn’t the kind of all-nighter where I’m ploughed like a slut for fourteen hours straight. I’ll be in someone else’s arms while they hold me tight, which in some ways is kinda worse. More emotional.
“Yeah, it’s a bedtime scenario.” I pause, then scan the text for the third time running. “There’s something else about it, too. Something I haven’t done before.”
“Go on.”
It feels weird to say it out loud.
“He’s booking another entertainer to play a boyfriend role. Says he’s already given them a brief to follow. He wants his naughty girl to be caught in the act when he gets home from work early. Then I’ll have an angry daddy, and I’ll be getting some discipline.”
Josh tries to hold his composure, nodding his head.
“Cool, ok. Do you know which other entertainer he’s booking?”
“No. Just that he’s twenty-four, like me.”
“Hmm.” I can see Josh’s brain whirring. “Maybe it’s Eddie, or Sean. Maybe Christopher, but I think he’s twenty-five now.”
I plant a kiss at the side of Josh’s lips.
“Does it matter? I don’t care who they are. They’ll be nothing more than an extra prop on set.”
Josh looks me right in the eyes, his stare lingering, so up close that it burns.
“No. It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t or shouldn’t?”
“Does that matter?” He manages a smirk. “Hell, let’s slam these early proposals out and get them over with. We’ll soon get used to waving each other goodbye with an enjoy your filth session, and it’ll become normal again.”
Again.
That’s the key word for him here.
His pain hits me, reminding me of my own.
Safe. That’s what he means when he says normal. We’ll feel safe about it. He’ll feel safe about it. Again.
Damn, what a situation. We’re in the honeymoon period of all honeymoon periods, but it’s laced with such a complex set of WTFs. Most new couples are glued hip to hip, just like we are. Only they don’t usually break apart for a few hours to go fuck other people.
Fourteen hours for me this time. Quite something.
I snuggle into Josh’s arms, because I feel the fear, too. That much has been obvious. I wish the memories of Connor’s betrayal would fuck off and leave me behind for good, because that’s all my insecurities are. Fears because of that asshole and what he did to me.
“What will you do when I’m staying over with Daddy?” I ask the Adonis in front of me.
