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Connor is a major prick. That’s all there is to it.
“We can go,” Josh says. “We can get in the car and drive off right now, just say the word. I’d have been here sooner, but Mum was grilling me in the kitchen, and I was trying to give you a few seconds, if you needed them. But now I know you don’t, it’s fine.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his car keys. “I came prepared. We can go.”
It’s a lovely offer, to disappear in the middle of the carnage, but I summon up every single ounce of confidence I have in my soul.
“No, I don’t want to leave, thank you,” I tell my boyfriend. “I want to meet your family and enjoy Sunday lunch with them, just like we planned. Connor can go to hell.”
“You sure?” Josh asks. “Absolutely? One hundred percent?”
I open the bathroom door, then take his hand.
“I’ve never been more sure in my life.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I have to draw on every scrap of my experience as an entertainer to get me through the rest of Sunday dinner. I’m used to walking into situations with strangers and shutting out the noise of real life – and I do the same now. I have to. I have no choice unless I want to blow the family meal to smithereens. Airing my dirty laundry in public is one thing, but displaying my chewed-up heart in front of my ex’s new girlfriend is another.
I focus on Josh, and his family, and the amazing Sunday lunch his mum has cooked, and shove the rest of it into the background. I’m here as Josh’s new girlfriend, excited and engaged with the people who love him, and I remind myself of it every second – regardless of the fact my stomach is still churning, desperate to hurl, and the very sight of Connor makes me want to scream in his face across the table.
His family are keen listeners, and I nearly throw up again as Connor talks about his past, and all his efforts in the music industry. His songs, and his gigs, and his early life when he used to play his guitar in the woods. He even mentions how much Heather and Phil’s farmhouse takes him back there. The feel of the countryside in the air.
Wanker.
He’s a total and utter wanker.
I do a pretty good job of ignoring him to be fair – aided by Josh’s hand squeezing my knee between mouthfuls of dinner – and as for Carly, I try to blank out every single thought aimed in her direction. My head just isn’t ready to fathom the situation yet. To fathom her yet. But her head is trying to fathom me, I can see it. The cogs are turning, but she can’t share even a fraction of Josh’s intelligence, or she’d be able to read it a mile off. It’s hardly a cryptic mystery.
I’m his fucking ex, you stupid cow.
Carly carries on chatting away regardless.
I focus every scrap of my attention on my meal while she regales her family with more bullshit about how her twin flame brought her to life. About how incredible a partner he is, so creative, and talented, and magical. Boy, she’s got a lot to learn.
Thankfully, Heather’s roasted parsnips are good enough that they keep the dry heaving at bay, and once tiramisu is done and dusted with an appreciative yum, thank you so much, we are free to go.
I hope Josh’s relatives can’t feel my thumping heart as I hug them goodbye, one by one. I’m grateful that Connor and Carly are bailing at the same time as us, so I don’t have to give them any awkward see you laters and fake smiles as we part ways.
We reach Josh’s Merc as the two C’s reach Carly’s old Mini, and I don’t bother saying goodbye, just give Connor the middle finger and slide into the passenger seat. I tell Josh to go, go, go the very second he can put his foot on the accelerator, and he speeds away, scuffing the mud of the drive up the side of his sister’s Mini.
Oh, the shock on Carly’s face.
The poor cow really doesn’t get it. I almost feel sorry for her, but that’s her business to find out, not mine. Connor can explain the situation to his lovely new girlfriend however he wants to explain it, just so long as he keeps my parents out of it. I’d want him to burn in hell forever more if he so much as uttered a word.
“You alright?” Josh asks when we’re down the lane and back onto the main road, and I take a breath.
“I guess so. Kind of. Seeing him like that has only reinforced just how much of a wanker he is, so that’s a win.”
“You did crazily well back there. I’m surprised you managed it, really. If Amy showed up at your parents’ dinner table the first time I ever met them, arm in arm with your brother, I don’t think I’d manage to keep my cool.”
“Good job I’m an only child, isn’t it? No unexpected surprises.”
“Thank fuck for that.” He takes a deep breath of his own. “I’m sorry, Ells, I really am. I should have put two and two together, or checked in more, or at least had some kind of clue what we were walking into.”
“Good job you didn’t, or we’d never have walked into it.”
“That’s a very good point.”
I squeeze his thigh as he drives. “Thanks for coming to the bathroom and rescuing me from the sack of shit. He’d have argued with me all afternoon.”
