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He glances at me, his eyes full of regret. “Yes,” he says, “But it was a mistake. It didn't mean anything.”
Doesn't he see how that makes it worse? “You cheated on me for a fling that meant nothing to you. Which means I meant less than nothing.” Pain washes through me like a tsunami.
“Lila, it's not like that.” he says, stepping toward me.
But I take a step back, unable to be near him.
“Why didn’t you tell me this when you were confessing?” I ask, my heart breaking.
“Because I forgot.”
“Really? You seemed to remember when we bumped into each other the first day you were back.” The way Vivian says the words has me wondering if they slept together then, too. I glance at him, agony tearing apart every cell in my body.
Vivian decides to leave, her words and following laughter flowing back into the room. “Let me know when you want a real woman, Fredrick.”
I sink down onto the couch, tears stinging in my eyes. He’d lied for all these years. How could he do that to me?
But deep down, I know the answer. Fredrick has a lot of red flags, and I fell for him despite all the warning signs. And now I'm paying the price with my heart.
He moves toward me again, but I shrink away, and he respects the space between us. I stare at my hands as the silence between us stretches out. The man I thought I knew, the man I agreed to marry, cheated on me with my friend all those years ago.
“Explain it to me,” I say through gritted teeth. “Tell me how you could forget.” His excuse is sounding very suspect right now. I remember every person I've ever slept with, and I don't think I could forget, so how could he?
He sighs and shoves his fingers through his drying hair. “There is no excuse for what I did.”
“I'm not asking for excuses. I want you to tell me how you could forget.”
He lifts his shoulders. “Like I said, it didn't mean anything to me. I was young and stupid. I made a lot of mistakes.”
“Yeah, I’d say.” The bitterness of the words clinging to my tongue.
“I know I can't fix it, but if there's anything I can do to help us move past this, I will.” As he says the words, realization sets in that I'm giving him a lot of chances and a lot of free passes for poor behaviors.
Where do I draw the line between what's fair to let go, and when should I hold him accountable?
“Cheating is one of those things I find unacceptable. If you don't want to be with me, leave me. Don't sleep with someone else.” I turn my hands over, palm up. “And I'll show you the same respect.”
Maybe that’s what it all comes down to - a lack of respect. And that’s a dealbreaker for me.
But as I think about how excited I’d been this morning, I don’t want to let go of that hope and happiness. Can we work through this? Can I forgive him?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Fredrick
I’d offered to bring her home, but I didn't expect this absolute silence between us as we drive. She's looking at her window as the world flies by, and my heart is heavy with all the words I should say but can’t.
No matter what I do, I can't seem to fix things. I'd say that the universe doesn't want us together, but these are my faults, my flaws, my mistakes that are keeping us apart. It's me, I'm the problem.
The question is how do I fix it?
Or maybe the real question is, can I fix it?
I pull up in front of Lila’s house, the engine idling as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She doesn't say anything, and neither do I.
Thinking twice, I park and cut the engine and turn to her.
“Thanks for the ride,” she says, opening the door to step out into the chilly air.
