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The father and daughter leave the room. When I hear the front door open and close, I know that Nolan has gone to drop her off at Gen’s place across the yard. By the time he gets back, my suitcase and bags are ready to go.
We load into his SUV and I see Stella’s little face peeking through the window of her grandmother’s camper as we reverse out of the driveway. I wave at her, doing everything in my power to keep from shattering like glass.
47
NOLAN
My knuckles are white. My fingers crush the steering wheel.
As we descend the winding mountain road leading toward the heart of town, the radio plays on low. The news station is announcing that the school renovations are almost complete and that classes will resume over the coming week or so. This should be excellent news, but inside, I just feel numb.
Inez and I barely share a word as I drive her to the train station. I know that this is what’s right for her but I can’t help but ruminate about everything I will be losing once she steps on that train.
When I pull up at the curb, I get a flashback to the night a few weeks ago when I picked her up right here in that dirty wedding dress. I never imagined that night would lead to all this.
In the short time that we’ve been together, she’s come to mean so much to me. My best friend. My companion. My lover.
Inez never took my shit. She never let me hide behind my excuses. She demanded that I be the best version of myself if I wanted to be in her life. As she had every right to.
She loves my daughter in a way that every little girl needs to be loved. And Stella loves her with her whole heart.
Letting go feels so wrong. But it’s what’s best for Inez.
I cut the engine and sit motionless behind the wheel. Inez turns and looks at me.
“Nolan…” she calls softly after a long, silent moment.
“I…I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this again,” I mumble.
“Do what?” Her voice is feather light.
“Watch you walk away from me.” I squeeze my eyes shut, recalling how much it hurt the first time she left town.
Her lips part tentatively. “I could stay…”
For one selfish moment, I’m tempted to agree. To beg, to plead, to demand that she stay. But I could never live with myself if I did that to her.
“No, baby. No, I…” I shake my head. “You need to go. That’s the right choice.”
Before she can say another word, I jump out of the car. I open her door and help her out before grabbing her luggage from the trunk. Since she already has her ticket, we stroll past the ticketing counter and I carry her bags right to the gate of the quiet train station.
I start to speak. “Make sure you text me the name of—”
“—the name of my hotel. For security reasons,” she nods with a pained smile, repeating the request I made a dozen times last night.
Silence fills a short moment.
“Oh, I made a list of cleaning supplies distributors you might want to check out,” she tells me. “I left it in the filing cabinet. I just…”
My heart aches. “Good. That’s great. Thanks.”
But I don’t give a fuck about cleaning supplies distributors and neither does she. Not when both of our hearts are breaking in real-time.
I angle my body toward her. I take her face in my hands. She looks up at me and the anxiousness in her eyes kills me. “You’re gonna do great,” I say to her, lowering my forehead to hers. “Remember what I told you—if you doubt yourself, know that I believe in you and that I’m rooting for you, no matter how much distance separates us. I will always be supporting you and loving you.”
She smiles somberly. “I’ll be loving you across the distance, too, Nolan.”
“And my door is still open for you. I mean it. No matter how much time passes, my door and my heart will always be open for you.”
