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“Good news?” I wondered.
“Yeah. You’re looking at the top bidder for a special-edition Alice doll, with all the accessories, new and still in the package.”
I blinked at him, trying to reconcile that sentence with the tough-as-nails biker sitting in front of me.
“And that’s a good thing,” I said slowly.
He nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s a great thing. My daughter. She fucking loves that doll shit, with all the little clothes, and shoes.”
“You have a daughter?” I was surprised. I’d never seen Axel with anyone at the bar.
He nodded, a smile he couldn’t repress flourishing on his face. It softened his disreputable and rough appearance. It was pure, untainted happiness.
“She’s six. I get her Mondays and Tuesdays. Her mom doesn’t like me much anymore, but she works shifts, and needs help those days,” he sighed.
“So, Mondays…”
“Are the best days of the fucking week,” Axel grinned.
“Nice. I’m happy for you, man. And her. I’m sure she appreciates her dad making an effort to be in her life,” I said quietly.
“In her life? When you have a kid, you’ll see…they are your life,” Axel said.
Cold spread through me. “I’m not sure all parents think that way. My dad sure didn’t.”
Axel studied me a moment. “That’s shitty.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“You ever think about finding him and asking why?” Axel prodded.
I let out a long sigh. “Only every day.”
“What’s stopping you?”
I opened my mouth to respond. The old reasons were right there. It’s not easy. I don’t have the money to find him. I need help. But then I stopped. None of those were true anymore. Winter had already set the ball in motion, on the road to achieving something I’d only ever dreamed about. Those old reasons didn’t work.
I shrugged. “I don’t know if I want to be disappointed any further. Maybe it’s time to make peace with it.”
“But can you?”
I stared at him a long time, this random conversation veering into heavy territory.
“I don’t know.”
Winter
I went home after the game and sat biting my nails for a good half an hour. I bounced between elation at Asher calling himself my boyfriend, and worry that he’d gotten in a terrible fight with Trent.
I took a long shower, still cold from the rink. Even worse, I felt dirty somehow, like that small interaction with Trent had tainted me. Just his eyes moving over me felt like they left filth behind. I washed my hair a few times and made the shower super-hot, standing under the spray until every last trace of revulsion was chased away.
Back in my room, I closed the window and curtains tightly and dried my hair. Selena had disappeared after the game and hadn’t been answering her phone.
I locked the door to my room, paranoid about sleeping alone, and got into bed. I was channeling my inner granny, passing on the after-party, putting on my blue-light glasses, and getting ready for bed all before midnight. No one could accuse me of not living it up in college.
I scrolled on my phone. Eve had posted about the Hellions game. I went through her photos. There were plenty of Beckett, of course, and one of Asher, sitting in the penalty box. My heartbeat thudded loudly in my ears.
My finger hovered over the Hellions’ official page for a second, then I clicked on it. Professional images of the game popped up. Asher was all over it. I mean, I got it. If I were responsible for the PR of a hockey team and they had a player who looked like Asher, I’d plaster his beautiful face all over the team socials, too. It was brilliant marketing.
