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Celia smiled. “I’m so glad. All children deserve that. Should we go and see what they’re doing?”
I nodded, desperate to have a moment to process my oscillating emotions. After years of trying hard not to feel much at all, the last month had been a learning curve of epic proportions, and it had all started with the guy in the next room and a stolen moment under the stars, up on a roof. I felt like a different person to the girl I’d been then.
Knowing Asher had changed something inside me, and I didn’t think that when our game was over, I’d be able to go back.
That was the scariest part of all.
Winter
Brett and Celia insisted that we stay on the property. Thankfully, they had a cozy yurt next to the stable. I could tell Asher wasn’t keen on staying under the same roof as his dad when everything was still so fresh.
His backup plan was to drive all night back to Hade Harbor, and there was no way either of us was in the right shape for that.
“Thank you so much,” I told Celia as she took us to the yurt.
It was cute, and they apparently used it for glamping when people came to stay on the ranch. She showed us around the one-room place, looking nervously at Asher. He’d been quiet since we’d left the farmhouse.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay out here?” she fretted.
“Don’t worry about us.” I jerked my thumb at Asher. “This one is the outdoorsy type. We’ll be fine.”
She nodded, still seeming concerned, but left us to it.
“So, this is nice. I’m so tired.” I forced a chipper tone. It was clear which one of us was going to have to make the best of this situation. Asher didn’t seem to be home right now. I unpacked the little bag I’d grabbed from the cabin, though there wasn’t much in it aside from my underwear and camera.
After that, I rummaged around in the fridge. “There’s food in here! You want something to eat?”
Asher shook his head. I wasn’t hungry either, given the homemade chili and cornbread Ceila had insisted we eat double helpings of, but Asher had barely eaten. While he sat at the unlit woodstove, I made him a sandwich. It was pretty basic, but I had nothing to do to keep busy, and he had the vibe of an unexploded bomb, liable to go off at any second. Staying out of the blast radius seemed the wisest thing to do at this point.
“Can you light the fire? I’m kind of cold,” I called to him. Keeping him busy might be better for him than sitting around, brooding. There were a couple of beers in the fridge. I grabbed them. I wasn’t really a beer girl, but I could use something to take the edge off today.
“Here.” I passed him the plate and bottle and settled on the floor beside him.
He’d started the fire and now sat staring at it. It reminded me of my lengthy wait in the cabin back home, tied up, with nothing but my spiraling thoughts to keep me company.
I clinked my bottle against his to break the silence. “Cheers.”
I chugged down half the beer in one go.
“Why did you come here?” Asher asked after a long moment.
Ouch. Awkwardness rose between us.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I helped start all this. Seems only right I should see it through.” It was quiet for a while. “Are you okay?”
He let out a quiet chuckle. “Am I okay? Let’s see…” He was quiet again. “Yeah, I think I am. He made the choice he thought was best at the time. He regretted it after, but he tried to put our feelings first. I might not agree with that at all. He fucking pussied out of taking the heat of our resentment, but when he says he did it for us, I believe him. Right or wrong, it’s done. Regrets are fucking pointless. Of course, I could have known that earlier if my mom would have given me his name.”
I thought of Melly Martino and how warm and loving she’d been. I couldn’t believe anything bad about that woman.
“You don’t know what she was going through at the time. She was scared. She had you and Eve, and it was working…Maybe she was scared of adding someone else into the mix. Then when you were old enough to ask about him, your dad was already married…they weren’t going to end up together.”
“But we could have known him. You don’t understand,” he said heavily.
I nodded. “You’re right. I don’t. I don’t want to pretend that I do. I just mean… everyone gets scared sometimes, and your mom, I’ll bet she’s spent a long time feeling alone. She must have been really scared of ruining everything, to choose to continue the loneliness, that’s all.”
Asher took a deep drink, sinking his beer in seconds. He set the bottle aside and sat back. “And you, Ice Queen. What’s your excuse for not telling me about the address?”
I froze, suddenly under the microscope. “Just being a brat, I guess,” I attempted.
